It seems to me that by general principle, universal belief, custom or culture, meeting an absent mother seems impossible. However, a large number of children express having had or having an absent mother in their lives.
How to overcome a mother’s lack of love — Biodescoding
Mothers perhaps out of the ordinary but who at the time built a deep emotional void in their children.
What can happen if I live a life with an absent mother?
In Biodecoding, many pathologies could have their origin in this type of mothers. Conditions such as lactose intolerance, lactose intolerance, reproductive or gestational problems and even skin problems among others.
In the case of absences, it could be a mother who died, a mother who abandoned us, a mother who gave us a gift, a mother who always left us in the care of another person or a mother who seemed to be with us 24 hours a day. , without being, ignoring us.
Not all pregnant women are happy.
As a matter of principle, we have to accept that not all pregnant women are happy with the arrival of a child. Many of them feel rejection towards the product from the moment they find out they are pregnant.
- They did not love the man with whom they had relations
- Because they already wanted to separate from the man with whom they had relations
- Forced to have sex against their will
- It’s just the way they wanted to “retain” the couple
- Because it is the requirement that the couple requested to formalize, etc.
- Without leaving aside the fact that this son could be the result of a rape.
Already speaking of more “common” women
Being mothers is something recognized by society and families as an honor, a blessing, a grace from God, something beautiful, something tender. Unfortunately this is not the case in all cases.
There are those women who see it as a real nuisance to have to take care of a baby, bathe it, dress it, sleep it, feed it, take care of it, walk it, etc.
Women who prefer from day one to do anything else than have to live with a screaming or stinky creature.
Women who present a type of total “rejection” towards a specific son or daughter. Women who delegate the responsibility of one of their children to their older brothers. I wish all the maternity stories globally were positive, but on a day-to-day basis, they really aren’t.
check on family
To understand the vast majority of emotional conflicts or pathologies that can arise as a consequence of an absent mother, there are several and that is why it is not enough to review my relationship with my mother.
It is important to review my cousins and their mothers (my aunts), my grandmothers and grandfathers and how their sisters (my own mother’s aunts) also have their various unique stories.
That is, it is useful to review the family tree, the maternal stories and experiences of our entire family. And perhaps the most convenient thing would be to start with the basic question of the entire history of motherhood:
If I am a woman, is it my obligation to be a mother?
Because it seems so, that it is a worldwide belief, that it is a social obligation, that it is a biological necessity, that it is part of a gigantic collective unconscious.
- And when will you have children?
- I already want a grandson
- And you for when friend?
- I was already pregnant with whoever you are, the important thing is to have a child
- You do not have children? Because? How do you think?
So, women who decide not to have children become “rare”.
They have them but do not love them become “weird”.
They refuse to spawn they become “weird”.
Because in addition, it is not enough to just be a mother, now it is about being an “extraordinarily good mother”.
In giving everything for the children, in sacrificing for the children
Thousands and thousands of women enter into this little game of obedience, hundreds and hundreds of children are being born with an absent mother because it was never her dream to be a mother, she only complied with what the family, society, her beliefs or a religion he requested.
I remember that when I was a little girl, when I played with my dolls, I played clearly that there were babies, the father, the little school, but it was never my dream to be a mother, to be pregnant or to give birth to a child. I never visualized myself pregnant or imagined a future with children.
I didn’t even think about how it could be possible to stop doing my life to give life to someone else or to take care of someone else.
It was different
Of course, I listened to the above phrases for years and years because I couldn’t understand the reason why I “was different” from ordinary women. There are no stories in my family tree so dramatic as to force me to “not want children.” Just maybe some minor token incest.
So, understanding the reasons and motives of each absent mother is not only finding doubles in the family tree. It also influences what we absorb from our parents during the Sense and Clear Project, our personality and environment.
In my case there is “nothing to solve”, because my refusal to be a mother has not caused a single problem for me, my family or those around me.
But What about those women who gave in and have been mothers forced by a feeling of having to meet the expectations of others? What about those children who live today feeling their absent mother and suffering for it?
Emotional conflict that must be resolved
Here we are talking about an emotional conflict that must be resolved.
Review the family, look for the doubles of those children and those mothers to try to identify the “emotional conflict” that they are repeating. The relationship that existed between his doubles and thus understand the present history.
There are cases in which the son or daughter of the absent mother turns out to be double “of the rapist”, “of the father’s unforgettable girlfriend”, “of the father’s mother (mother’s mother-in-law)”, “of the beating father of the mother”, etc. And that unconscious relationship for the mother, which makes her ignore her son or daughter.
It’s not just about a mother ignoring me.
It could be a mother who yells at me, offends me, mistreats me, humiliates me, squeezes me, submits me. A mother who makes me feel worthless, unintelligent, unattractive, unsympathetic.
A mother who judges me all the time, who forces me to do certain things, who intervenes in my life or in my decisions. A mother who leaves an “empty space” in my heart.
And I can have as a mother…
- That he prefers his professional or work life to being with me
- Having a partner or feeling in love and loved by a man than being with me
- A social life to live with me
- Compete with me at all times
- Feel jealous of my relationship with my father
- A mother who sees in me the young woman who is no longer
- See in me the easy way to support yourself financially
- Download all your frustrations on me
- With his words, looks and attitudes, he makes me feel all the time that he is “not there for me”.
But what story or drama caused my mother to be an absent mother? And what can happen if I live a life with an absent mother?
Well, in my love and/or work relationships, I will always be looking for the mother I didn’t have. I will go out into the world to look for a “substitute” for my mother. Therefore, I will surely unconsciously fall in love with a man or a woman (if I am a man), who is a double mother.
A symbolic mother who does love me, who cares for me, who feeds me emotionally, who sets limits for me, who recognizes my worth, who does not abandon me, etc.
absent mothers
Whether physically absent or emotionally absent, they often leave a permanent emotion of “low self-esteem” in their sons or daughters. If the person who should love me the most in this world was not there for me, then surely I must be unimportant.
That in the long run, will only cause me to go from relationship to relationship, looking for a love that I never had.
Seeking to be important to others. Recognized or recognized by others and can even cause in children a deep refusal to have children “so as not to repeat the pattern”. Or, a desire to have many children “to prove that I can be a good mother.”
Be that as it may, it is best to get rid of yourself if you had it or have it. Free yourself from guilt if what you feel is a refusal to have children.
write in a letter
How much it has hurt you not to have been deserving or deserving of your mother’s love, her care, attention or company. A letter where you list each and every one of the negative things that you saw or see today.
A letter in which you vent about the lack of mother in your life and then burn that letter, throw away those ashes and continue your life free of that heavy emotional burden.
Knowing that that woman, who had her reasons for giving you life, did it, period, and that you appreciate it, releasing everything else that was not as it should be for you.
Absent mothers do exist, their reasons will have, but as children we cannot be suffering or getting sick because of them.
You have to release it, heal and live fully, without loading stories that are not ours.
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Elizabeth Romero Sanchez and Edgar Romero Franco