On many occasions it seems that if you are the person who puts an end to a relationship, you have no right to be bad, in the end you made that decision. Many people find it difficult to understand that making the decision to separate from your partner can be a very hard process where things are difficult and, once the decision is made, contradictory feelings may appear, even so it seems that you cannot show it much because in the end and After all, it was what you wanted. At Psychology-Online we want to give you 7 tips on how to get over a breakup when you let it go.
Talk about what you feel
Communicate with your closest environment. Inform them about your situation and how you feel about it, because many times the environment does not know what the person who leaves their partner feels. On many occasions, if the environment is shared, it tends to provide support to the person left behind; it is necessary that you also be able to express how you feel and even, if you need to, explain what led you to make that decision.
On the other hand, you can also express that in relationships, unless you both completely agree to end it, there is always one party that makes the decision, but that is not stopping loving, on the contrary it can also be an act of love because the person next to you deserves someone who loves them like you don’t do today, leaving a relationship is an act that requires courage and sometimes not everyone is able to do it. In this article we explain.
Although it is also possible, due to other circumstances.
You accept
The first step so that the rest of the people can offer you help is for you to accept your situation, it is okay to have contradictory and even confusing feelings regarding the decision made, it may happen that on the one hand you are fine but on the other you see the other person suffers and you feel bad about it. It is very important not to judge yourself in this situation, it is normal and it can appear. Remember that on many occasions we are a mirror for other people, If you accept that contradictory feelings may appearAlthough they may be annoying at times, but also normal due to the situation, it will also be easier for other people to support you. You can do this with acceptance, in them you can practice accepting the now without wanting to change anything.
forgive yourself
When we see that someone is having a hard time because of a decision we have made, the blame, we must be careful because this feeling can drag us down and blind us and prevent us from enjoying many things. To do this, it is important to forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness is essential For any recovery process, we have made the decision regarding different aspects and we should not feel guilty about it.
- To reduce that feeling it may be good to write a list with everything you are tormenting yourself with and blaming and finally expose or manifest that you forgive yourself for it. This exercise will allow your backpack on your back to weigh a little less.
- Another exercise that can also be useful is to write a farewell letter to guiltExplain to her why you think she shouldn’t be there, that the decision you have made has been for your own good and as an act of courage and love, towards the other and towards yourself.
Here you will find more.
Remember
You have made the decision for some reasons and you have the right to end a relationship when you decide, so it is also important that you repeat to yourself when you get contradictory feelings. why you decided to make that decision. This technique is very useful when we have certain doubts, our environment even seems to judge us for the decision made and we are still adapting to the new reality without the other person, remembering what made you make that decision and not losing sight of it makes you able to hold firm and relativize contradictory feelings.
Is it normal to regret leaving a relationship? When making a decision that involves such a big change, feelings can appear all the time. It will be necessary to evaluate compliance with the decision.
Take care of yourself
It is very important not to forget about ourselves. On many occasions it happens that the person who puts an end to the relationship is more aware of how the other person is feeling than how oneself feels. For this it is important dedicate time to yourself with those things that make you connect with yourself and your inner peace, whether reading a book, listening to music, doing a home spa, playing sports, meditating, etc. You should be able to find a time a day to connect with yourself. In this article you will find more information about .
Detect and express needs
Address this conflict that may be generated by having left your partner, that the environment may not fully understand it and the possible contradictory feelings (“I know I don’t want to be with that person anymore but nevertheless I miss him/her”) through your own strengths. When a need is strengthened, the problem stops carrying as much weight. Furthermore, facing the separation from your needs can help the environment also better understand your position, your discomfort and of course, your needs. To do this, we can ask ourselves the questions:
- What things make me feel good?
- What are my needs?
- How do I see my problem in relation to my needs?
- What can I do to meet those needs?
Write
A way of face grief and your emotions after ending a relationship may be by making a farewell letter, saying goodbye to everything you leave behind, the things you already wanted to leave behind and those that perhaps not so much but are left behind as a result of the separation. Once you have said goodbye and have expressed everything you feel – remember that all of them are necessary and valid and you should not judge yourself for them – you continue the welcoming letter to the new experiences that await you after that decision. You can even add if you have any new plans or goals in this section. It will help us not only process the loss but also embrace the new experiences that are to come, something very important when we talk about getting over a breakup when you leave it.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Beyebach, M. and Herrero, M. (2010). 200 tasks in brief therapy. Spain: Herder.
- Boss, P. (2001). Ambiguous loss: how to learn to live with unfinished grief. Barcelona: gedisa.
- Poch Avellan, C. (2013). Losses and pains. Barcelona: Octadero.