Most motivation advice focuses on what can be done to achieve individual goals. However, we all know that relationships help us be the best versions of ourselves. When you know your partner well, you can use that knowledge to help them grow and stay motivated. So, how can you help your partner achieve their goals? Although there are no single solutions to improving relationships or influencing the behavior of others, there are some general psychological principles that can be used to help your partner in difficult situations.
In this Psychology-Online article, we explain 10 tips on how to motivate your partner in difficult timess.
1. Maintain a positive attitude
Research has shown that partner support makes people more likely to achieve goals in areas such as academics, friendships, and fitness. An association has been found between partner support and goal outcomes, similar to having a strong intention to achieve a goal.
For this reason, encourage your partner when he or she is paralyzed by possible obstacles In difficult times, it plans how to overcome them and helps you focus on the positive aspects of the situation.
2. Set objectives and goals
There are many situations in which your partner may have expressed the desire to achieve a goal, but gets stuck along the way or sees it too far away. In these cases, you can try to combine yours to make that goal a reality. Help your partner achieve one of their goals It will show him that you are paying attention to him and valuing his happiness, even when his goals are not the same as yours.
To motivate your partner in difficult times, help them plan and set objectives that will help them achieve their goals, breaking down a complicated task into simpler, easily achievable tasks. People function better when we have goals that help us measure our progress, especially when things get complicated.
For example, if his goal is to exercise more, help him come up with a specific plan and focus on goals that are realistic and achievable. It’s important that these plans are specific (for example, running for 15 minutes on the treadmill before work), rather than general (for example, exercising three times a week).
3. Goals as an expression of strengths and values
Sometimes, people do not realize our own strengths and values. Therefore, another good way to support your partner is help you see how your strengths apply to your goals. For example, difficulties with a task may remind you of times in the past when he/she felt overwhelmed, but managed to overcome it.
It is very important that your partner can develop a clear understanding of what his or her strengths are. In these cases, when you point out your partner’s strengths, it will be much more beneficial to cite specific examples of specific times in which they have used that strength to solve a problem.
However, it is important not to appeal to a value that your partner does not have. Instead, it is more useful to find an alternative skill. It’s not about pretending, but about highlight the positive qualities your partner already has.
4. Promote security in the relationship
It is important to foster security in the relationship. According to the , people are better able to explore and cope with difficult times when they have an attachment figure who is a secure base. When you behave in an emotionally balanced and receptive way, your partner will feel more confident in pursuing his goals.
Having a secure base can be as simple as knowing that you can come home to someone who is happy to see you at the end of a difficult day or knowing that you have someone to share your successes with. Be available, supportive and consistently respond to the partner’s needs. Do not underestimate the power of showing emotional support by being available for each other and through understanding and affection.
5. Do not impose your help
Your partner may not want or need your help. Providing help that is not needed or desired can be seen as a threat to oneself and can make people feel that their partner has no faith in them or perceives them as incapable. In fact, sometimes people sometimes respond negatively to obvious efforts to help. In this context, it is better to let your partner try it on their own and feel accomplished.
Even if you have good intentions, imposing your help can be perceived as controlling for your partner. This can be very counterproductive. For example, a person who pushes their partner to diet or only eat healthy products may make them even more likely to opt for fast food at work.
6. Creativity
As we mentioned in a previous section, understanding individual strengths allows you to stay motivated and will also allow you to find creative solutions in difficult times. There are no single solutions for all situations and contexts.
In fact, sometimes the best solutions to problems are the most extravagant and creative ones that don’t adapt to other times. Motivation in difficult times goes hand in hand with creativity.
7. Pursue a goal together
Positivity and motivation can thrive when people find a common challenge that interests them both and pursue it together. The goal could be as diverse as creating a family or restoring old furniture, the important thing is to pursue a goal together, not so much the goal itself.
Taking on challenging goals creates emotional vulnerability. Therefore, this is a very effective way to support each other through that vulnerabilitywhich deepens trust and closeness, creates shared memories and maintains motivation.
8. Avoid negative responses
To motivate your partner it is important avoid harmful behaviors such as acting aggressively, intrusive, controlling, or critical. This can only cause discomfort in your partner, who may feel incapable, ineffective, neglected, infantilized, etc.
In other words, when trying to motivate your partner through difficult times, remember to respect their autonomy, decision-making ability, and individual freedom.
9. Empower your partner to make decisions
Making decisions can become one of the most exhausting aspects for a person who is poorly motivated. In this sense, it is possible that in the context of a relationship, the person who feels most comfortable is the one who makes the decisions. On the contrary, the person who feels more insecure and has doubts will tend to transfer the responsibility for making decisions to their partner.
This dynamic will be perpetuated over time if nothing is done to prevent it. In this way, the less confident person will make even fewer decisions and will have even less security when deciding. To motivate your partner, It is important that you regain the ability to make decisions and feel empowered.
10. Help your partner realize their limiting thoughts
We all have some limiting thoughts. For example, someone may have difficulty making decisions, a pessimist may reject good opportunities because he always puts himself in the worst case scenario, or someone who is impulsive may rush to make decisions without assessing the risk they entail.
When there are high levels of trust and security in a relationship, it can be very beneficial for one member of the couple to point out when the other person is falling into their particular habitual thinking traps, which create obstacles and prevent them from moving forward.
If your partner is going through a difficult time, they are likely acting on limiting beliefs. For example, you may think that it’s not worth looking for a job because you’ll never get one. This potential benefit of being in a long-term relationship of trust and closeness is very useful for help your partner realize what beliefs are limiting their progresssomething that, in turn, will help you open yourself to other perspectives.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Ainsworth, M.D.S. (1978). The bowlby-ainsworth attachment theory. Behavioral and brain sciences, 1(3), 436-438.
- Boyes, A. (2018). The healthy mind toolkit: Simple strategies to get out of your own way and enjoy your life. Penguin.
- Brunstein, J.C., Dangelmayer, G., & Schultheiss, O.C. (1996). Personal goals and social support in close relationships: Effects on relationship mood and marital satisfaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(5), 1006.
- Feeney, BC, & Collins, N.L. (2015). A new look at social support: A theoretical perspective on thriving through relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 19(2), 113-147.