Maybe, after reading our article for , you have realized that your partner is not giving you what you want. If this person does not improve your life and does not allow you to develop as a person, if you suffer from the relationship and you do not feel good in it, perhaps it is time to make the decision to leave them. But at this point many doubts arise: how do I tell them, how are they going to take it, what am I going to do alone… and, above all, an important fear arises: the fear of suffering and making that person suffer. that we have loved so much.
For all this, in this Psychology-Online article we explain how to leave your partner without hurting or suffering. This writing is intended to be a practical and simple guide with the steps to follow and the essential advice that you will appreciate knowing if you find yourself facing a breakup with your partner.
How to end a relationship without hurting and without suffering
Once love has ended and you want to end the relationship, the main objective is not to do more damage, neither among you nor to third parties. A breakup is not a war. He thinks that complicated situations are when people’s goodness is truly demonstrated.
To proceed to leave a relationship it is essential to do so assertively, that is, respecting the other person but also respecting your decision. First of all, you need to be sure of your decision and feel prepared to carry it out. If not, go to a psychology professional who will help you empower yourself.
Next, you must tell your partner your decision. At this point it is important not to look for blame or make reproaches, since they only contribute to increasing the pain. It is advisable to leave all common topics closed, say goodbye and cut off contact.
It is important to know that every breakup involves loss and many changes. It is normal and logical that it hurts, it is totally normal to have a hard time and feel sadness, frustration, anger, overwhelm, nerves… just as it is also common to feel lost and have doubts. Having the expectation that the breakup will not affect you and that there will be no bad moments is counterproductive, because it is most likely unrealistic and you are deceiving yourself. However, we can approach the situation in the healthiest and most respectful way possible to minimize the damage and not suffer more. In the next section you will see the steps to follow to leave your partner in a less painful way.
How to leave your partner: 10 essential steps
It’s a bad time in a breakup. But you can avoid complicating the situation and suffering more if you know how to leave your partner without hurting them. These are the 10 steps to follow:
1. Accept that love can end
Love evolves with the relationship, just as people grow, develop and change. Love can always end. Even when a relationship is going very well, you should keep in mind that there are never guarantees that love will last forever. In fact, although it is possible, it is the most unlikely. Therefore, the most adaptive thing is for you to be realistic and aware that love can end and that in that scenario the best course of action is to leave the relationship.
2. Be grateful for everything shared
Give thanks for everything the relationship has given you. Surely you have had very happy moments and that thanks to the relationship you have been able to have experiences and learning that have helped you develop as a person.
3. Think about everything you learned
When a relationship ends, it does not mean that the time it lasted has been wasted. The important thing about relationships is not how long they last, but what they contribute to our lives. Surely you will learn great things from your experiences with that person, both about relationships and about yourself.
4. Prepare yourself emotionally
It is important that before leaving the relationship you feel convinced and prepared. That means emotional management to be able to face the breakup in the healthiest and most mature way possible.
5. Tell your partner that you don’t want to continue the relationship
Assertively, explain to him that you have made the decision to leave the relationship, tell him the reasons and how you feel. Always speaking from your point of view and from your feelings. Here you can see.
Above all and above all: be respectful. You must treat the other person with respect and honesty. Don’t let emotions take over you and lead you to take actions that you know are not in line with you or your values and that later, when you look back, will make you regret it. Even though there is no longer love, even though there has been a lot of suffering, think that Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect for the simple fact of being a person, regardless of how the relationship has gone.
The lack of respect and bad treatment on their part does not justify that you can do it too, if the relationship makes you suffer, stay away. But always with respect and acting according to your values and beliefs. Well, that is precisely what will lead you to peace and well-being with yourself.
6. Thank him for the time together
Even if the relationship ends, even if there has been a lot of pain, if you have something to thank that person, do it. Gratitude will help you connect with what has made you feel good and will help you give meaning to the relationship. This exercise will help you position yourself differently, with an attitude that will help you leave the relationship in the past at peace with yourself and with the other person.
7. Don’t look for blame
It’s easy to blame the other person, it’s harder to take responsibility yourself. But when love ends, It is nobody’s fault. Furthermore, the responsibility of taking care of the relationship lies with both members equally. In any case, the time to analyze the actions and assume responsibilities has already passed. If you have already made the decision to end the relationship, it is not worth commenting on negative aspects. Try to avoid reproaches that will cause unnecessary arguments and pain.
8. Forgive him and forgive yourself
All people make mistakes, surely many have been made during the relationship. Nobody is perfect nor are we born taught, little by little we learn and improve.
- Forgive him. It’s not for him or her, it’s for yourself. Resentment will continue to bind you to that person and what you are looking for with the breakup is precisely to separate yourself. Revenge will not make you feel better in the long run, on the contrary, if you do things that you do not consider correct, in the future you will not feel proud.
- Forgive yourself. You are human, you can make mistakes. We all sometimes act inappropriately. The important thing is to know how to apologize and learn from mistakes. Always think that the past cannot be changed but it can be used to grow. In this article you will find more information about .
9. Say goodbye and close the cycle
If you are sure that ending the relationship is what you want, it is important to put an end to it. To do this, you must leave closed the topics that you have in common. Depending on what that means in your case, it will be a more or less long and painful process. My advice at this point is that, if things get complicated, go to the necessary professionals (lawyers, psychologists, mediators, etc.).
10. Cut contact
It is necessary for the breakup to be clear to begin grieving. As many couples therapy experts say, the best way to end a relationship is by applying zero contact. To do this, you must explain to the other person that communication on your part is going to end and that you hope that on their part as well, since it is for the good of both parties. Start by emptying your physical spaces of all those objects that make you think about the relationship and continue with your mobile phone: photos, social networks…
How to grieve well after a breakup
Grief is the process of adaptation after a loss and usually lasts a year. Each grief is unique and will depend on the characteristics of the person, the relationship and the breakup. The most important thing at this point is that you allow yourself to feel what you feel. It is completely normal for you to feel discomfort, pain, sadness, anger, emptiness, apathy, frustration,… Whatever you feel, it’s normal and is part of the adaptation phase.
It is important that you know that grieving is an active process, in which you must get involved. It is essential to listen to your emotions and feelings, accept them and express them appropriately. To do this, a highly recommended exercise is to write a letter or talk to trusted people.
There must also be moments of disconnection, that is, It’s about finding the balance between not avoiding emotions, but also not letting them invade you., they settle in you and incapacitate you. Remember that emotions pass through you with a function. Sadness, for example, which is the most common emotion after a loss, leaves us without energy to stop and reflect and assimilate what has happened before taking action.
For all this, professional support would be ideal. It will teach you how to know yourself and relate to others through assertiveness, thus building healthier and more beneficial relationships.
Tips for dealing with a breakup
It is worth mentioning that each person is different and we cannot know what will be best in each case. Below, you will find the top 10 most important general tips to keep in mind when leaving a relationship.
1. Avoid contact
The best thing for both people is contact 0. It is normal that you feel a strong need to resume contact, that is because the resistance to change is strong. It is easier to stay in the comfort zone, in the bad but known, than to launch into the unknown. However, if you want to focus on your well-being and personal development, you will need to face the fear of the unknown.
The best is that:
- Don’t talk to that person
- Do not follow him on social networks
- Don’t look for information about him or her
- Don’t ask mutual friends about him or her.
- Do not have common property or affairs that unite you
- Do not have any type of contact
The exception is the case of having children in common. In that case, there must be contact but it must be limited to the minimum necessary for the care of the infants and not used as an excuse. If this is your case, in the following article we address it.
It is normal that at first you feel like getting to know that person, it can be difficult not to contact them, and even more so now that there are so many facilities with social networks. However, it is advisable to avoid physical, telephone and online contact.
2. Trust yourself
If you have decided to leave the relationship, it is because you had your reasons. Trust your judgment and be firm in your decision.
If you have not made the decision to end the relationship, you must assume that you cannot have a relationship with a person who does not want to be with you. Trust yourself, your strengths and your abilities to overcome this situation and emerge stronger from it.
3. Rediscover yourself
Usually, after becoming very involved in a relationship, especially toxic and painful relationships, the person has lost part of their identity. Many times, the exaggerated effort and dedication that is made with the…