They have made us believe that without someone by our side we are incomplete people, that the natural course of life is to find “our better half” and be with her forever. Or at least pair up in order to never be alone. We find that person: butterflies, flowers, violas, a pink color dyeing our wonderful life. We get used to that well-being, to that new way of life, to that company… and suddenly, bam! It’s over. And now that? How do we learn to be without a partner? How to learn to be alone after a breakup? At Psychology-Online we know that it is not easy and that is why we want to help you understand why it happens and give you some advice on how to do it. as learn to be alone after a relationship.
From a young age we are prepared for life as a couple and in society. We have a thousand examples: at home, on the street, in movies, series, advertisements… and in a way it makes sense, we need to be with other people because we are social beings. But no one teaches us to be alone. What’s more, being alone is seen as something bad: “she’s strange,” “asocial,” “a weirdo,” etc.
Furthermore, at a certain age, being single is a cause for suspicion: we begin to feel the social pressure from our family and friends… “when are you bringing someone home?”, “haven’t you found the lucky one yet?” On the other hand, being in a relationship has a lot of social benefits: people see you as someone more reliable, more normal, less suspicious, lots of offers focus on you, etc. It is no wonder then that we desire that company.
Also, when we are well as a couple we feel comfortable, dear and happy to be reciprocated by the one we love. We have someone by our side with whom we share our tastes, hobbies, fears, concerns… someone who understands us, takes care of us, pampers us and best of all, makes us feel less alone! We spend time with her and her bond with that person grows, strengthens. But not everything is one hundred percent positive. As we live with it more and more, it is much easier to lose or inadvertently giving up our individual identity. We forget what we used to do when we were alone, how we lived with ourselves.
Thus, It is normal that when a relationship ends it is more difficult for us to be alone. In fact, it is common for even the fear of being alone to appear after a breakup, due to the need to adapt to changes and unknown situations. This reaction can lead to systematically leaving a relationship and starting another. It is essential to learn to be without a partner so that this can be an option and not a necessity. Below, you will find tools to learn how to deal with the loneliness we feel after the breakup. Learn to be alone and not depend on anyone.
How to learn to be okay alone after a relationship? Thinking about all of the above is very good to start knowing how to be alone, but it is also necessary to specify our efforts in some exercises to achieve this goal. So what can we do?
- Rediscover ourselves. In other words, recover our hobbies, those things that we were passionate about, or simply that we liked to do, period. As well as exploring new possibilities, finding out what else we love.
- To meditate. Many people find it very helpful to meditate, etc., since these types of exercises force us to focus on ourselves and disconnect from the outside world, something essential to learn to be alone.
- Write. About what happens to us, about our feelings, about our future projects, about whatever we want. To organize our ideas, to express ourselves, to let off steam, for whatever we want.
- Do exercise. Not only is it good for health and for preventing more diseases than you can imagine, but it also contains serotonin and dopamine that make us feel happier and more satisfied with ourselves.
Being alone should not be a reason for discomfort, but if you continue to experience difficulties with the feeling of loneliness, it is advisable to go to a psychologist or specialist to better address your case and find the most appropriate plan for you.