“If you do that, I’ll leave you”, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do it”, “If you listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened”…, these are some of the phrases that show emotional blackmail in a couple . It is a form of psychological manipulation that many people use to get their partner to act or do what they want without ever taking into account the needs or desires of the other person. Behind this manipulative behavior, there are usually people with low self-esteem, insecurities, fear of abandonment, low tolerance for frustration, emotional dependence, etc. In the following Psychology-Online article, we are going to explain in detail what emotional blackmail is and what are the signs that can help you. know if your partner is doing you emotional blackmailin addition to showing some tips to deal with this situation.
What is emotional blackmail?
He emotional blackmail can be defined as a form of manipulation and an act of psychological violence from one person to another close person in which there are threats, punishment and pressure, either directly or indirectly, in order to get the other person to do what they want or desire at all times.
This type of psychological manipulation can be present in relationships and this gives rise to one that should be detected, managed and overcome quickly to prevent it from damaging us emotionally excessively. When a relationship is healthy, communication, affection and respect are present and, on the contrary, there is no room for emotional blackmail, manipulation, threats, punishments, etc.
A clear example of emotional blackmail in a couple would be: our partner tries to pity us to get from us exactly what he wants at that moment. He acts this way because he knows that we will end up doing what he wants to help him or to prevent him from feeling sad, frustrated, distressed, etc., even if these emotions are often faked.
A phrase that perfectly defines emotional blackmail is “If you don’t do this, this will happen.” This is a threat that, if prolonged over time and becomes habitual behavior, gives way to a clear situation of domination in which the blackmailed person submits to the will of the emotional blackmailer.
Signs to know if your partner is blackmailing you emotionally
Detecting emotional blackmail in a partner is not always an easy task, since sometimes the blackmailer is not fully aware of the emotional manipulation to which he or she subjects his or her partner. Next, we are going to show what are the different psychological tactics and strategies that emotional blackmailers usually use to achieve their goals and get the other person to act as they want. Keep reading and discover the Signs that can help you know if your partner is using emotional blackmail:
- Makes you feel guilty for his actions: It makes you feel guilty for their inappropriate and incorrect behaviors or behaviors. Some of the phrases that reflect this are: “you provoke me and that’s why I’m aggressive”, “you don’t give me what I need, that’s why I’ve been unfaithful to you”.
- He plays the victim so you feel guilty: so that you do not question the relationship at any time and with the aim of retaining you, he tells you things like “without you, I cannot live”, “if you abandon me, I am nobody”, “if you go out with your friends, I I will be alone and bored”…, without taking into account at any time what your feelings are and what you want.
- Make promises you don’t keep: This is one of the most complicated forms of emotional blackmail in a couple to detect. The blackmailer makes constant use of gifts and promises that, in the end, he does not keep so that his partner ends up giving in to his wishes. Once he has gotten what he wants, he completely forgets about his initial promise.
- Pressures or threatens you: This is the clearest and most obvious form of emotional blackmail and psychological manipulation in the couple. He uses threatening phrases such as “if you do that, I will leave you”, “if you are not going to do that, I will no longer love you” so that the other person knows that if they do not submit to his will, there will be a punishment. This type of emotional blackmail is used to generate fear in the victim and limit both their freedom and their personality.
- Use of silence: Many emotional blackmailers use silence continuously and for a long time to show their anger, which causes the other person to feel or think that the “bad atmosphere” between them is their fault and to find themselves in constant confusion and misunderstanding.
In short, and broadly speaking, we can say that we are victims of our partner’s emotional blackmail when we deny what we really want, we modify our life goals, we feel selfish for pursuing our dreams, we are incapable of reacting to their impositions, We feel subjected to his will and obliged to continue with that relationship. However, it is important to note that each case is different and it is necessary to analyze it in an isolated and objective manner.
How to respond and act when faced with emotional blackmail in a couple
Some of the tips that can help you respond to emotional blackmail in the couple and manage this situation successfully are:
- First of all, it is important recognize that you are being blackmailed emotionally for the couple, since otherwise it will be impossible to get out of this situation of psychological manipulation and act accordingly. In many cases, it is necessary to go to a professional psychologist to receive guidance and overcome the situation. Working on the emotional intelligence and self-esteem of the victim is essential in many cases so that they feel able to face this problem and recover their emotional well-being.
- Set limits in the relationship and not letting the other person have control over us. It is important to be assertive and when we consider it so or the other person pressures us to do something we do not want.
- Don’t let him use threats to subject us to his will. It is important to show that we are not afraid of your threats and that your strategy will not help you get what you want. We can convey to you how your demands make us feel and explain them to you in a rational way so that you realize and stop having this attitude. For example, we can say “I love you, but I am also free to do what I want and if that means that you leave me or that you don’t love me, I can’t do anything about it.”
- Use time to our advantage: Surely, the blackmailer will ask us for a commitment and immediate action after his demand, since he knows that if we think about it, we may not succumb to his wishes. For this reason, a good technique is to tell him that we have to think about it and, later, take some time to evaluate all the pros and cons.
In the following article, you can see more tips on . In the event that psychological manipulation is something constant and prolonged and damages us emotionally to the point of affecting our self-confidence and self-esteem, it is best to put an end to that toxic relationship and recover our personal needs.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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