When you are in a relationship in which your partner generates doubts in you, you do not know what page he is on, you do not know his true intentions and he does not express his feelings, it is normal for you to feel confused, distressed and sad. In these cases, you may begin to wonder if your connection is meaningful and begin to question whether your partner loves you or is just using you. However, it is very difficult to recognize this situation, since someone who uses their partner for their own benefit will not do so in an open, direct and honest way.
In this Psychology-Online article we explain 11 fundamental keys that will help you How to know if someone loves you or just uses you.
His actions contradict his words
How do I know if he loves me or just wants to hang out? First of all, if your partner’s actions are not consistent with his words, you may not know what to expect or what to expect from him/her. These contradictory messages may even be causing you distress and you are constantly trying to read between the lines of what your partner really wants or feels.
Some signs that your partner doesn’t really love you are:
- He tells you that he loves you, but shows no real interest no concern.
- He assures you that he is not interested in other people, but flirt with third parties.
- He wants to be with you but he criticizes you when you are next to him.
- He promises that he will call you later or write to you later, but he doesn’t.
- He tells you that he loves you, and shortly after that he hates you.
- He gets angry with you and then acts lovingly, as if nothing had happened.
Therefore, a continuous discrepancy between the partner’s actions and words is a problem. When people do not behave in a similar way in similar circumstances, they generate inconsistency and instability, causing uncertainty in the other person.
You know little about his personal life
You never know who he is with or how he spends his time because the information he provides about his personal life is minimal. When a person doesn’t really love you, they may tell you some things, but not in a concrete or detailed way, so you may not know what their hobbies, passions or future plans are. Yeah communication is poornot very fluent and most of the conversations are superficial, is a bad sign.
If your partner is using you, will not have any interest in sharing important aspects of his life with you. In fact, he or she may consider it a waste of time to talk to you about your day or ask about your opinions and concerns. In the following article you will find.
What happens when there is no longer interest in the couple
Disinterest is a decisive factor in a relationship, since it is incompatible with intimacy and knowing little about the other person. makes it difficult for us to connect with her. This can cause you to perceive each other as strangers, since you do not have a reserved space in each other’s world. From this position can’t move forwardwhich will be very convenient for someone who doesn’t really care about you and is just using you.
On the contrary, when someone loves you, they will show their interest consistently and will be willing to share important aspects of their life and ask about yours. He will also be willing to get to know you and have deep and meaningful conversations with you.
The relationship is not defined
A undefined relationship It is the ideal context for someone who does not love you and only uses you, since this way they will feel very comfortable, since in this scenario it will be easier to camouflage their true intentions. It is important that you consider if your relationship is not defined.
Below we show you some of the common situations:
- You don’t know where you stand in his life.: boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, “friends with benefits”…
- You’re not sure if you’re on the same page.
- Your partner He doesn’t talk to you clearly about his feelings. and intentions with you.
- You are afraid that being vulnerable and expressing your feelings could end the relationship.
- Your partner makes excuses (for example, in a past heartbreak) so that I don’t have to define the relationship with you.
- You assume your partner wants the same thing as you (e.g., being exclusive) without having had this conversation (e.g., openly asking “what are we?”).
This usually ends in disappointment and pain later, when you discover that the person you are in love with is not on the same page as you and has no intention of defining the relationship or committing to you. For this reason, if someone loves you, there will be reciprocity and they will be open to defining the relationship with you. It is the way to build deeper commitment and loyalty as a couple.
The encounters are mainly sexual
When someone really loves you, they will try to spend time together, get to know you, and share plans with you, to enjoy your company. He will show interest in romantic moments and activities in public, beyond the bedroom. However, people who are only looking to have sexual relations They will not be willing to invest time or money in trying a relationship with you. They will look for convenience and the easiest way to satisfy their needs.
Consider where and when he proposes to spend time with you, because these indicators may reveal his true intentions. Are your meetings always at night? Do you never date in public? If the meetings are always in places that encourage physical intimacy, such as the bedroom or a hotel, it is a bad sign.
Other indicators that someone doesn’t love you and only uses you are:
- He only cares about your physical appearance and pays little attention to your internal qualities.
- There is no romance.
- The encounters always end in sexual relations.
- The conversations always become sexual. For example, he calls you to talk to you and always finds a way to include sex in the conversation.
- He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family.
The plans with you are unstable
A person who values you and loves you will make you feel special and treat you with consideration. She may spontaneously propose plans to you, but she will also call you in advance to anticipate when she will see you again and enjoy your company.
This way, you can tell when someone doesn’t love you and only uses you, by how they manage their time and plans with you. Below we leave you some aspects that you should consider in case of doubts about whether they love you or are using you:
- Show enthusiasm to see you, but is ambiguous with the date exact.
- You’re not sure when you’ll see him/her again or when your next conversation will be.
- Postpone and cancel appointments frequently.
- He assures you that he will call you again later.but he usually forgets or there are unforeseen events that prevent him from doing so.
- Proposes plans when they have canceled their initial plans.
- VOur meetings are usually sporadic. and/or with short notice.
The effort is minimal
People invest their time and effort in what they value, something that also applies to romantic relationships. The effort in a relationship does not have so much to do with money or great sacrifices, but rather with think about the other person and plan ahead.
When you are very in love, you may not realize that your partner does nothing for you that requires effort and it is easy to excuse him/her, however, in the long run you will feel that you are the one in charge of the relationship and You will feel used and may even feel some resentment.
For this reason, it is important that you look at the things that your partner does for you to see the real intentions of promoting the relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean bouquets of roses and dinners at very expensive restaurants, but rather small acts of affection to show you that you are important in their life. For example, bringing you a coffee when you’re tired or sending you an encouraging text when you’re having a bad day.
On the contrary, if you are at the bottom of your partner’s list of priorities, he will dedicate his efforts only to the top positions and you will go to the background. Dating you is all about your comfort and needs, i.e. He does it when it is convenient for himand. This could indicate that someone doesn’t love you and is just using you.
Does not support your interests or activities
When there is love in the couple, both partners encourage each other to participate in activities and pursue their interests and concerns as individuals. For this reason, it is important that each person has a certain level of self-control, their own plans, and interests outside of the relationship. If someone loves you will see you as a complete person and independent and will not try to “monopolize” you.
On the contrary, if your partner disapproves and asks you to neglect the activities you like, even though they make you happy, it is a bad sign. For someone who uses you, any aspect outside of the relationship that requires your attention, time and money will become a threat.
He is only affectionate when he wants something
If your partner He is only kind and affectionate with you when he needs you to do him a favor., pay attention to their overall behavior and how they react when they don’t get any benefit in return. Notice if he does nice things or is nice to you just to make you feel good or if he only shows interest when there is something he wants to get.
Pay special attention to the things he does when he doesn’t have a reward or favor to ask of you. If he selflessly does things for you, that’s a great sign. Instead, if you suspect your partner is using you, protect your money and other resources and communicate your boundaries clearly.
If your partner loves you, this won’t be a problem, as the relationship will be worth it regardless of your money, resources, or other benefits he or she can get from being with you. On the contrary, if interest disappears when you get nothing in return, the answer to your questions is that he was just using you. If you want to know more about this topic you can also read the article.
Act like you’re single in public
If your partner acts as if he or she is not with you in the presence of other people, if there is a big difference between how he or she treats you when you are alone and when others are around, if you cannot proudly display your relationship in public and you feel that your partner hides you, it may indicate that he does not value you the way he should.
Yeah He doesn’t want to show himself to you in the presence of others.hides the existence of your relationship, displays of affection and affection are not “allowed” in the presence of third parties, this is something that needs to be addressed.
However, it is possible that your partner is not prepared to make public your relationship and the possibility of hearing opinions contrary to it, or simply is not comfortable with displays of affection in public. In any case, there is a big step between these possibilities and acting as if he doesn’t know you at all or as if he is single and even flirting with third parties.
Invalidate your…