When a relationship begins, it is normal to experience a deep infatuation that leads us to think that every moment is with that special person. However, as the relationship progresses, the real personalities of each person and the defects and virtues of each one will come to light, which will help the relationship to stabilize and consolidate. However, during this process some people become so dependent on their partner that they neglect other fundamental pillars in their life.
Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article we will tell you how you can know if what you feel is love or dependence, in addition to explaining in detail the main differences that exist between love and emotional dependence.
You live to please your partner
When a person is emotionally dependent on another, their only motivation to live will be to please their partner. In this way, getting her approval at all costs is the only thing that matters to them, so the dependent will do everything possible to satisfy their partner, even if that goes against their own principles.
On the contrary, in healthy love each member of the couple will try to reach beneficial agreements in which both feel calm and can grow on a personal level.
You are incapable of being happy if you are alone
Another of the main signs that it is not love, but dependence, is feeling like your world is collapsing when you are away from your partner. Consequently, the dependent person will try always be with that personeven though it may make you uncomfortable and cause the relationship to break up.
Likewise, if you are dependent you will feel a continuous sensation of , which can lead you to seek the company of third parties at all times. Likewise, the absence of a partner usually causes somatic symptoms, such as tightness in the throat, palpitations, anxiety states and, in more severe cases, depression.
excessive jealousy
People with emotional dependence develop pathological jealousy that arises without apparent cause. For this reason, their social relationships are limited, since the dependent will try to control all aspects of their partner’s life.
In some cases they may even appear compulsive attitudes to control the couple’s every step in your daily routine. This characteristic of emotional dependence in the couple usually causes relationships to be stormy and short-lived.
Lack of selfesteem
Another factor that explains very well the difference between love and dependence is that the dependent person will have low self-esteem, so they will neglect their own personal, emotional and even work environment.
In fact, the dependent person usually develops a submissive attitude in which, indirectly, they show the partner that they do not love themselves and that they need to be loved in order to be happy.
The decision-making capacity disappears
Emotionally dependent people have the impression that they are not capable of making any decisions. without your partner. This belief makes them vulnerable to different situations in daily life, since they feel lost and unable to identify their own desires.
It is a kind of “devitalized state” that places them in a very fragile position, since, even if they are with their partner, they will not be able to show their real desires. Furthermore, every time the loved one moves away, the dependent’s mind will go into a kind of pause until he is reunited with her loved one.
Permanent fear that something will happen to your partner
The continuous fear of something happening to your partner is another characteristic of people who are emotionally dependent on another. It is a permanent feeling of controlling the couple’s steps, to prevent something or someone from harming them. Although at first it sounds like something very romantic, in the long run it suffocates the couple because they feel like their love is being stolen.
Likewise, the reasons for these types of fears are almost always unfounded and lead people to imagine terrible scenarios. For this reason, an endless chain of compulsive attitudes such as calls, emails, texts, among other obsessive and controlling behaviors can arise.
You idealize the other person
With emotional dependence, the couple is idealized to the point where they already You don’t see their flaws or recognize their mistakes.. The image you have of your partner falls into the stereotype of perfection, something very dangerous because it will not let you see beyond reality.
On the contrary, in healthy and balanced relationships, each member of the couple recognizes that they have defects and virtues and supports each other to be better people every day.
There is no option to negotiate
The person who is emotionally dependent on another will not be able to question or negotiate anything with their partner, since they feel a lot of insecurity and fear of losing them. For this reason, the dependent will accept all types of decisions and actions without imposing its own limits.
In fact, the relationship in this type of couple becomes a series of rules that must be followed to the letter in order to please the other person.
Constant need to receive signs of affection
Emotional dependence generates permanent need to receive signs of affection and without them the person will feel that they are not loved or valued. For this reason, although details are essential to keep any relationship alive, when it becomes a mandatory demand or requirement it will become an obstacle to the couple’s happiness.
Permanent fear of infidelity
Along with obsessive jealousy, there appears constant fear that your partner will abandon you for someone else. In these cases, signs of infidelity are not even necessary for them to assume that their partner is being unfaithful, since any phone call, outing with friends, message or any other contact they have with another person will make them believe that they will soon leave them.
Finally, to overcome emotional dependence it is necessary for you to feel good about yourself and so you can love others without being emotionally dependent on them. That is, learn first to love yourself so that you can be happy in any type of relationship.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Garriga, J. (2013). Good love in the couple. Barcelona: Destination.
- Ventura Elías, CD (2013). Suffering: concept analysis. Approach. Scientific Journal of Nursing., 14(9), 24-34. http://up-rid.up.ac.pa/458/