Relationships vary over time and it is normal to sometimes experience fatigue and/or boredom. For some people, these moments are nothing more than small ups and downs in the course of the relationship that can be resolved and even strengthened. For others, however, it may be a turning point that leads to the breakdown of the relationship. If you are concerned about the stability and quality of your relationship, it can be difficult to discern whether the problem is the relationship itself or the circumstances surrounding it. How do we differentiate a bad moment or a bump from an unsatisfactory relationship? When do we know that we have grown tired and fallen out of love with our partner?
In this Psychology-Online article we explain 10 signs about How to know if I’m tired of my partner
Loss of privacy
At the beginning of the relationship you may feel intense love, but as the honeymoon phase fades, the excitement and enthusiasm decreases. Although this is normal in most relationships, if closeness and affection decrease Drastically, the couple begins to distance themselves and distance themselves, coming to perceive the other as a stranger.
In this way, when a relationship begins to operate on “autopilot” and words of affection, compliments, or expressions of gratitude and admiration become less and less frequent, the relationship deteriorates. As intimacy decreases, the same may happen with feelings of love.
Time together is no longer important
Couples who are in love spend time together and try to be present in each other’s lives. That is, they look for ways to involve their partner to be present in their lives and they want to be close to the other person as much as possible. Likewise, many may not be able to wait until they get home from work or the weekend to spend time with them. In these cases, the simple act of going for a walk or having dinner together is very rewarding.
However, if The idea of exploring the world with your partner is not attractive to you, it is possible that their company is not important enough to you. Therefore, another sign that you have fallen out of love with your partner is that you are habitually distancing yourself from him or her and spending less and less time together doing shared activities.
Apathy and disinterest
Although the honeymoon phase does not last forever and it is normal for a couple’s initial intensity and emotion to stabilize over time, it is not a good sign for feelings of apathy and disinterest absolute towards your partner and/or the relationship.
People in love value their partners and feel lucky to have a relationship with the person they love. They think about him or her often, express concern when they think their partner is unhappy, and try to solve the problem as soon as possible.
However, disinterest begins to manifest when the couple begins to let their guard down and stop being considerate of each other. This can wear down the relationship, causing partners to feel less valued and important in each other’s lives, which leads to feelings of disconnection.
Therefore, if your partner is rarely on your mind, you consider that he has little to offer, You do not consider him special and you attribute few qualities to himyou feel that it is “one more” or “someone from the crowd”, this is an important symptom of falling out of love.
Decrease in the frequency and quality of sexual relations
In most cases, couples who are in love tend to have sexual relations frequently and show satisfaction and quality in their intimate encounters. They enjoy pleasing their partners in bed, not only to boost their own egos, but to make the partner feel loved, desired, and valued. They take pleasure in giving pleasure and are truly interested in what excites and is satisfying for their partners.
Couples who fall out of love, on the other hand, often experience a decrease in physical intimacy. This may mean a significant decrease in the frequency and quality of sexual interactions, detriment to sexual desire, less postcoital affection, or other losses in terms of sexual intimacy. In these cases, it is common to make excuses to avoid intimacy until, finally, neither party initiates contact, something that is usually not a good sign.
Therefore, if you never feel like being close to your partner and you are not interested in making love with her, it may indicate that something is not working between you. If you want to know more about this topic you can read the article.
Incompatibility
Couples with similar attitudes, values, and backgrounds tend to experience longer-lasting satisfaction, companionship, intimacy, and feelings of love and are less likely to separate.
However, as a couple begins to get to know each other better and the excitement of the initial moments fades, they may discover that their lifestyles, priorities and values are not compatiblewhich will cause the couple to feel discouraged when thinking about their future together.
Stagnation
The main causes of stagnation in a relationship are related to a decrease in emotion and becoming accustomed and anchored in routines, but also the loss of meaning and lack of personal and couple growth.
In a study carried out at Durham University, researchers found a positive relationship between people with greater relational self-expansion and higher levels of passion in their relationship. That is, when personal growth has no place in the relationship and is not shared with the partner, this could reduce feelings of closeness and connection and, ultimately, passion.
Thus, another sign that you are not moving forward together appears when you are moving forward in terms of , but your partner does not seem to be focused on trying to improve themselves and/or the relationship.
Your partner is no longer a priority
People who are still deeply in love with their partners consider them a very important priority in their lives. They feel comfortable when their partner spends time with other people, but both parties are careful not to exclude the other. In turn, they are taken into account when making plans, activities and trips. The feelings and needs of the person they love are always high on the list of priorities.
However, when a person feels tired and/or bored with their partner, they will not be as available. In this way, often will prioritize other activities that are more interesting to you and satisfactory. Presence in another’s life feels more like an obligation than a choice.
Instead, couples who are connected are prioritized, even when there is physical distance between them. When they are apart, they maintain the bond and keep their partner present in their thoughts, they share the things that happen to them during the day and they can’t wait to ask for each other’s opinion until they meet again.
For this reason, when the desire to share your daily life with your partner fades, you may have grown tired of the relationship. In these cases, communication will likely be maintained, but the content of the messages will generally not have much emotion or depth. Likewise, it is common for one person to speak longer than the other and for interactions to be perceived as unequal.
Comparisons with other relationships
When you start comparing your relationship with other couples and yours always comes out lacking, this is certainly not a good sign. You may also start to Compare your current relationship with previous onesfocusing on the elements that were “better” or happier.
If you find yourself constantly comparing your relationship, leaving it in a bad position and you feel longing for past relationships or envying other relationships because yours does not satisfy you, this may be an indication that there is something in the relationship that is not working.
Divergent interests
When a romantic relationship is forming, we usually look for similarities with our partner. Instead, when things start to fall apart, we can anchor ourselves with what differentiates us. Couples in love try to focus on shared interests and what they have in common.
On the contrary, couples who fall out of love focus on their personal interests, on aspects in which the couple is on the sidelines and on their differences and discrepancies.
You no longer try
Relationships require effort and desire on both sides. A key to a successful long-term relationship is that both parties are focused and motivated in the relationship, and that they do not find it a sacrifice to dedicate the time and energy to maintain the bond with their partner, that is, they look for ways to maintain the flame lit.
Yeah you have stopped trying, trying and you don’t even feel like it or consider it important to try to strengthen your relationship, this can be a clear sign that you have grown tired of your partner.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- Carswell, KL, Muise, A., Harasymchuk, C., Horne, RM, Visserman, ML, & Impett, EA (2021). Growing desire or growing apart? Consequences of personal self-expansion for romantic passion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Bibliography
- Harasymchuk, C., Peetz, J., Fehr, B., & Chowdhury, S. (2021). Worn out relationship? The role of expectations in judgments of relational boredom. Personal Relationships, 28(1), 80-98.
- Illouz, E. (2019). The end of love: A sociology of negative relationships. Oxford University Press.
- Sailor, J.L. (2013). A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love. Qualitative Report, 18, 37.