Living with someone or simply having a relationship with another person and creating a bond is susceptible to discussion, especially if we take into account the individual differences of each person in the way we relate, do things and manage or express emotions, or even the simple act of communicating. This does not mean that there is no need to argue, because couples’ arguments are healthy, as each person can express their opinion and this can generate disagreements.
The problem comes when these discussions begin to escalate and cause outbursts of anger that we cannot control and of which neither we nor our partner feel proud. That is why in this Psychology-Online article we explain some tips that you can apply if you ask yourself “How to control anger and anger with my partner?”. So if you are interested, don’t hesitate. Keep reading!
Keep calm
How to act if you are angry with your partner? The first thing is to try to maintain a neutral state and emotional balance while you are arguing. will make you think clearly and see things from another perspective, also allowing, if your partner is the most excited, to control your anger by seeing that you remain calm.
In short, both of you shouting, insulting and belittling the other will make the situation worse, and this is what we want to avoid, so it is advisable to offer space at the time of the discussion.
Perform relaxation techniques
If you ask yourself “How to calm my anger with my partner?”, you should know that, to stay calm, as we mentioned in the first section, it is important to have knowledge of some relaxation techniques that help us be in that situation. calm state and emotional balance.
Some exercises to control anger, although they require prior training in order to integrate them, are:
Use empathy
Before complaining about something, or starting an argument without controlling your anger and anger with your partner, ask yourself the following question: What is my complaint going to contribute? How is it going to make you feel? Are you going to be able to do anything to change it right now?
This is a way to see if it is the time to say what we are going to say, if they are the ways and why we are going to say it. Sometimes this small reflection can save us many problems and unnecessary discussions that lead nowhere.
Be more assertive
The is one of the 3 communication styles (assertive, passive and aggressive) and focuses on expressing, with empathy and in a calm manner, what may bother us about the other, putting the focus on ourselves and not using “your messages” that make make the person feel attacked.
For create an assertive message we must take into account:
- Briefly describe the situation or behavior that bothers us, without judging.
- Describe the consequences or effects of this behavior.
- Express the feelings it causes you.
- Express the alternative you would like me to do.
- Thank.
It is important that after communicating assertively you also be open to dialogue with your partner.
Share how you feel frequently
Sometimes with topics that can generate conflict it is easy to choose to remain silent, avoid the conflict, and not express our opinion or our feelings. This belief is not true since, if we do not express it, it does not mean that it does not affect us or disappear from our heads. It’s still there and There comes a day when you can’t take it anymore and you let it all go. The famous “straw that broke the camel’s back” would not come if we emptied it little by little.
Do physical exercise
Physical exercise, in addition to being healthy for our physical health, is important for releasing hormones that help with emotional regulation and well-being, so it will make you feel better if you practice it and it will be a safe place in which you can energetically release pent-up anger.
Change the focus of attention
Many times we find ourselves immersed in a loop in which everything is negative and we can only see the negative things of the other. If we are at this point, it is important that we put on the brakes and do some exercises to control anger to change the focus to what is positive in our lives and in others.
It is important to thank every day what we already have and, at the end of the day, thinking about the positive things that have happened to us will help you focus more on what makes you happy, and not so much on the things that bother you.
Another thing that is healthy in couples is tell yourself positive things What the other person has or what it makes us feel, just as we think about complaining when we don’t like something, we all like to be praised for what we have that is positive.
Change your thoughts and words
The way we think conditions us in the way we see life and how we communicate with others. Therefore, cognitive restructuring It must be done from the base, in this case, the thoughts.
In the moment of anger there is a tendency for people to curse, insult and speak in absolutist and off-color terms that reflect internal thoughts. For this reason, it will be important to practice assertiveness also internally with oneself and change attentional focuses.
Use humor
So-called “silly humor” can help relax the atmosphere and calm anger from a more balanced perspective. We are not talking about satirical or ironic humor at this time, since that would not be healthy either.
One of the exercises to control anger in this area could be literally imagine the word on the person you want to insult. For example, if we want to tell someone that they are a clown, we can imagine them dressed as a clown or even draw them as a way to control anger and annoyance with their partner.
Improve your personal situation
In case you ask yourself “Why am I so angry with my partner?”, you should know that, sometimes, the fact that we have a tendency to rage and anger against our partner can be a cause of the lack of and confidence in ourselvesthat we should work to be better with ourselves and with our partner.
Be flexible and look for alternatives
There are situations in which we can avoid conflict without falling into avoidant behaviors. For example, if you know that going shopping with your partner makes you angry and you always end up arguing but he/she is excited for you to accompany him/her, perhaps you can find an alternative solution that does not generate conflict.
Maybe you can take the opportunity to run other errands while he/she shops and thus, you will also make more use of the time. It’s a matter of being open and find the best for both.
Now that we have solved your question of “How to control anger and anger with my partner”, we recommend that you consult our posts and to continue learning.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Anger, (2010). Strategies to control your anger. APA. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/estrategias
- del Cojo, M., (sf). Anger attacks in a couple: How to manage them? Claritas Institute. Recovered from: https://institutoclaritas.com/ataques-de-ira-en-la-pareja-como-gestionarlos/