In any relationship between adults it is important that there is a balance between what one gives and receives in their interaction. If someone only gives or only takes, there is a risk of falling into dependencies and power games that intoxicate the relationship.
The Balance of Giving and Taking
The flow of life is to maintain a balance of interaction in harmony, of all the elements that make up our existence. This harmonious interaction operates through the law of giving and receiving. The system always tends to balance. And this is valid for any system: the couple, the family, the friends, etc. For something to flow normally, a balanced give and take is needed.
Every relationship is give and take. Giving is the seed of receiving and receiving is the seed of giving.
And how it works?
Let’s take breathing as an analogy: we inhale and exhale in proportion, but if we only exhale – that is, if we only give – we would end up exhausted and empty. To keep the energy flowing, it is necessary to take air from the environment and return it in a balanced way.
When someone gives us something good, it generates a
need to repay, a debt. If we want to create a positive relationship, when something good is given to us, we will return something good and a little more.
But when we receive damage, there is also a need for balance, to give back, if we do it and we want the relationship to continue, we will give back a “little less” of the damage, in this way the one who hurt feels that they have paid, and the relationship can continue.
If we are all equal, if no one is better than anyone else, the relationship
keep going.
When someone receives badly and does not return anything, he does not set limits, that
relationship will end sooner or later. And probably not in a good way.
It is a subtle balance, like a dance, between giving and receiving, knowing that we cannot give to anyone more than they are capable of receiving. And that we cannot ask anyone for what they are not capable of giving. This is an important point.
And more than receiving, it would be taking, because one can “give”, the other can think
that he did not give, because if what is received is not “taken” it is not received, it is of no use.
It is also about knowing how to ask: what to ask for, and to whom, and knowing how to give, what and to whom. It is an art and there is an order. What can we give to some and what can we give to others? What can we ask of some that we can ask of others?
For example, what will happen in a relationship when one gives more than the other wants to receive?
Most likely, the one who receives too much wants to leave… because someone who gives, gives and gives, without asking for anything, will end up overwhelming the other.
The one who leaves is usually the one who receives too much, the one who gives too much is not
Conscious, he believes that by giving more, they will love him more. But it’s not like that.
When someone receives more than what they asked for, more than they can, it is also very likely that they will get angry and return it to you badly. Balance is a subtle dance.
Between two equals there must be a balance, so both have the same
level, both are important in the relationship, because if one gives more, it makes
feel small to the other. This is valid for the couple, brothers, partners, etc.
Everything is different in the case of parents and children, parents are the great
always. And in this case, parents always give and children receive.
When the children grow up, they will be able to revert what they received in society, in their own family, but they will never be able to give back to their parents everything they have been given, since they give the greatest thing, which is Life.
They will be able to return the parents taking care of them in the third age, but always respecting their wishes.
There are also people who have difficulty giving, returning, asking or receiving. In this, as in the others, if there is a balance between giving and receiving, the bond flows, and we feel good.
In the economy we must still give and receive, whoever only gives and does not receive is generating debt, breaking the balance.
The movement of NGOs, “non-profit” causes, when looked at from a systemic point of view, are not always useful, they generate debt, they make people smaller. They don’t always serve balance, they can even generate anger in those who try to help.
Nor is it about transforming this universal law into a business. The balance must flow, it cannot be imposed. Many times, in our culture, economizing relationships is promoted: needs are negotiated, concessions are demanded, and compromises are imposed. Thus destroying the simple enjoyment of the other’s company because coexistence is organized according to the economic business model. So the basis of a couple is no longer mutual trust, mutual respect, but each one negotiates taking into account the benefit of it.