If at any time you have felt manipulated by a person, to the point of doubting your feelings, ideas, perceptions or judgments, you are a victim of this pattern.
This practice aims mentally abuse the other, making them feel guilty, making them distrust themselves and their lives. An individual is convinced of a reality totally different from the one he perceives, so he enters a game from which it is often difficult to get out.
These perpetrators They lie and exaggerate constantly, becoming defensive and attacking their partner. This manipulation It is the most subtle and can be executed consciously or unconsciously..
Example of a Gaslighting Scenario
“When you did that I felt very bad,” to which the abuser responds: “you are very sensitive, it was just a joke.” He tries to persuade us to believe that it was a matter of his own misperception.
Phases of this practice
- According to the psychologist, the first stage is disbeliefwhere the victim goes into shock and confusion because they do not understand what is happening.
- The following is the defending, here the victim gains strength and tries to empower herself from her position in the face of the abuser’s refusal. However, manipulations and contradictions increase to counter his arguments.
- In the phase of helplessness It’s where everything culminates. Here the person internalizes the perpetrator’s speech, agrees with him, and it is there that he loses judgment, self-confidence, and believes that the only truth is that of the manipulator.
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Signs to know if you are being gaslighted
According to the clinical psychologist, there are 10 signs by which you can tell if you are being manipulated.
- You have many insecurities when making decisions no matter how simple they may be.
- You start lying to prevent them from contradicting your speech.
- you leave your personality real aside to please people.
- Questions your behaviors and ideas constantly.
- You judge your sensitivity and reaction to certain situations.
- You apologize for everything even if you haven’t done anything. This can happen with your family, partner and bosses.
- You defend the abuser’s behaviors.
- You feel that anything you do will be wrong.
- You question if you are enough for the people around you.
Abuser profile
The psychologist Laura Fuster Sebastián presented some characteristics that can more or less outline a person who exercises this type of abuse.
- He will deny everything. So you can be sure that you heard or saw something that person did and, despite even having evidence, that person will never tell the truth and will repeat their position so many times that you will end up accepting their version.
- It will make you feel less. As a result of his own insecurities he will want to share them with you, at this point he will feel satisfaction that you also feel inferior.
- He will lie to you almost always. These people have the ability to manipulate the minds of others and their realities, so they will constantly contradict you by making you doubt yourself.
- It will influence the perception you have of others. In many cases it has been seen how the victim begins to distance himself from his social circle due to having internalized a negative perception that arises from the manipulation of the other person.
Consequences
Among the psychological effects that this emotional abuse produces are:
- Low self-esteem
- Doubts about your memory
- Doubts about your rationality
- You doubt your state of mental health, even thinking that you have some disorder
How to get out of Gaslighting?
It is vitally important to mention that as it is one of the most subtle types of abuse, there may come a point where it is quite difficult to get out or find a solution. Psychological damage They can be so big that you may need to seek help from a professional to trust yourself again.
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However, if you have time to defend yourself and get out of this situation you can:
- Have judgment and trust your intuition: The moment you feel bad or want to complain about a behavior or situation, you must be firm in what you think and communicate to your partner what is happening. No one can make you doubt your feelings and emotions.
- Make yourself respected: Sometimes many people let situations go by that what they do is make the perpetrator think that it is okay to do so, since they did not communicate their disagreement, nor did they give their place. In these cases, it is vitally important that from the first scenario in which you feel less than that person and that they are making you doubt yourself, you let them know. Remind him or her that you are also worth it and that no, “you are not crazy.”
- Don’t look for approval: When a person decides to share this life with you it is because they should accept you as you are, with your mistakes and defects. Clearly you have to work to improve in certain aspects, but this does not mean that you should lie to yourself just to please the other person while you are bad.