In recent years we are witnessing a growing interest in a type of parentingvery far from the traditional, always based on respect, in the development of girls and boys, towards their true physical and emotional needs. Parallel to this transformation of the educational paradigm, books, courses and workshops that are sold to families have proliferated. various methods of emotional education.
However, when selecting this material we must be extremely careful, since if we analyze it thoroughly, we often come across the drawback that many of its authors have not yet freed themselves from the old model educational and its guides seem more oriented to indoctrinate and manipulate the emotional world of little onesthan to accompany them in a respectful way.
Fundamentals of an emotional education based on respect
To understand certain emotions, children need to grow, mature and experience them for themselves. It is the first fundamental question that these books ignore. It seems that emotional education has become a pending subject, in need of a textbook and a teacher to teach it, but Emotions are not educated in a weekly class hour or in a colorful daisy.
Actually, emotional education is present in life and occupies 24 hours a day.
Although we are not aware of it, With every action we take, we are showing our children and students how to manage their emotions. Given the various circumstances of life, each of our reactions has much more value than any book or method of emotional education.
Can emotions be classified?
We must understand that The emotional world of the human being is very complex. Each person experiences their experiences differently.Therefore, trying to classify and classify emotions can cause us to lose a large number of nuances. Let us think that if there are big differences between how each of us perceives a basic sensation such as temperature (some feel cold while others are comfortable, and vice versa), when we talk about emotions, the possible shades multiply.
Even referring to the basic universal emotions (fear, anger, joy, etc.), faced with the same situation, personal feelings can be very different. For this reason, we have to be extremely cautious when we talk about educating children’s emotions.
How are emotions in childhood?
Babies, before being able to express them verbally, already feel emotions in their bodies. Remember that they startle and cry when frightened, or that their faces turn red and their bodies tense up when frustrated. This is because Your limbic system – the so-called emotional brain – is activated and reacts to external stimuli.
Thus, all human beings, from our first life experiences, already perceive emotions, although we cannot name them.
Little by little, we adults are naming this complex emotional worldly we offer children words so that they can express outwardly what happens inside them. First we talk about the basic sensations like cold, heat or pain, to, later, name the emotions such as fear, joy or anger.
in all circumstances we have to be especially careful with our words so as not to interpret children’s emotions and not give them the wrong impression of what they are feeling. Many adults tend to minimize or downplay some emotions. (“get up, it was nothing” or “don’t be scared, it’s not that bad either”), creating great confusion in the little ones.
Understanding our emotions, the first step to help them understand theirs.
We, parents or educators, if we want to respectfully accompany our children and not influence them with erroneous interpretations of their emotions, previously we have to have worked and understood our own emotions. Just understanding ourselves we can empathize with childrenknow how they are feeling in each situation and also what kind of accompaniment they need from U.S.
Beyond any study or academic training, I consider that this emotional self-knowledge is one of the best gifts that we can bequeath to our children.
For boys and girls to grow up emotionally healthy, It is essential that they do not feel alone in any difficult situation they have to face. If they know they are heard and understoodthey will feel free to communicate what is happening to them and to askdepending on the circumstance, what they need from us.
How to encourage them to feel for themselves
Talk naturally about how we feel.
Are we connected with our emotions? We are the first to have to get used to expressing our emotional experiences. This will be the best example for our children. If they hear us talk naturally about how we feel at all times, they will take it as normal and get used to talking about their emotions. Let’s take advantage of any situation to talk to them about our feelings.
Emotions that are silent become entrenched.
Do not judge, there are no good or bad emotions.
We all need to communicate what we feel at all times, whatever that feeling may be. Sometimes wrongly called “negative” emotions such as sadness, fear, disgust or anger are repressed, for not being socially well seen. But it is not healthy to hide emotions. They all have their reason for being in our life and they have to be named, understood, assimilated and if necessary, healed.
Ask them to identify emotions in the body.
Since they begin to speak, we can ask children (without forcing them at any time) how and where they feel each emotion. Even if they don’t yet have the vocabulary to explain in detail how they feel, I’m sure they can find ways to represent it. They can give it a shape, a texture or a color. For example, they may feel a heavy cushion on their chest or a fast-spinning ball in their stomach.
Set an example of balance, not lose your roles.
We are unlikely to help children manage their emotions if we are the first to spill over at the first change. We cannot teach how to handle an outburst of anger when we ourselves are not able to self-regulate at certain times. We have to find our own strategies to control our anxiety and, if necessary, seek professional help to achieve it.