When it comes to talking, mediating, consoling someone, solving a problem as a couple, with our children or friends, emotional validation is important, as it is a healthy process that will help us have healthier relationships.
According to the famous American psychologist and professor Marsha M. Linehan, a pioneer in dialectical behavioral therapy, emotional validation it is a process in which a person’s emotional manifestations are understood, interpreted and understood for the one with whom he talks. This process occurs in relation to the history and context of who they interact.
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When talking about emotional validation, we must not forget that the first emotional assessment is our own. This has been called “self-validation,” and it is the moment in which we accept that our emotions are legitimate as well as those of others.
Emotional validation has three fundamental components:
- The voluntary condition of the interaction: Emotional validation takes place whenever the people interacting do so freely and voluntarily. If there is any type of coercion, emotional validation is not possible, as it will be subject to involuntary conditioning on the part of one of the parties.
- Listening or reception: Among those who interact there must be the ability to perceive the other’s message. If it is impossible to convey a message, there will be no communication and, consequently, no validation.
- The legitimacy of emotional ones: Those who interact must know that the emotions that the other expresses must be received as something legitimate, that is, that the other has every right to feel how they feel, and that feeling that way is coherent and makes sense.
In the processes of negotiation, conflict resolution, couple discussions, psychological therapy or other interaction, the emotional assessment procedure is essential. Invalidating the emotions of others can lead to multiple problems.
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Behaviors that invalidate the emotions of others:
- Prejudge the emotion
- Instruct either guide the emotion
- Punish the emotion
- Create a hostile environment
- Contradict the emotion
- Trivialize the emotion
- Criticize the emotion
Good practices for emotional validation
- Propose opportunities to express emotions
- Pay attention to different emotions
- Communicate the comprehension and legitimacy
- Identify the components of the emotion (impulses, sensations, triggers, etc.)
- Show empathy