Good emotional management favors better adaptation to different daily life situations, improves family, social and couple relationships and helps with better physical health.
Having good emotional management helps us evaluate the way How should we deal with situations that cause us discomfort?since not having control over our emotions and the behaviors they entail could bring us consequences that we regret in the future.
Some signs to identify lack of control
- When the actions and/or behaviors we have in response to a certain emotion give rise to completely avoidable consequences.
- When our emotions begin to have unfavorable consequences in different areas of daily life, such as work, school, family, and relationships.
What makes it difficult to regulate emotions?
Usually paying little attention to physiological changes or signals given your body to tell you that an emotion is about to occur or not identify the causes of said emotions in time.
Tips for better management of emotions
- Take a break from your activities
- Take a deep breath when faced with surprise or discomfort
- Evaluate, preferably calmly, the situation that is presenting itself
- Recognize what emotion you are feeling (sadness, anger, fear, happiness, surprise, displeasure)
- Remember how you usually respond to these types of situations and their consequences
- Evaluate if this response will provide a solution to the situation that is occurring. Otherwise, evaluate other possible solutions
- Make a decision that leads you towards what is important to you and can provide a solution to the situation that is causing you discomfort.
- Act on the most pertinent decision
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Let’s look at an example…
Situation: Andrea was having lunch with her classmates and Juan passed by quickly, without realizing that he had thrown Andrea’s lunch on the floor.
Ana, her partner, understands that Andrea still does not know how to recognize her emotions, decides to validate her and begins by asking her What emotion are you feeling? Andrea looks at her a little bewildered because she hopes she knows what she feels, most likely most of us would feel angry, but Andrea responds: I am sad…
Ana then continues Why do you think you feel this way? To which Andrea, in the midst of her emotion, and with broken words due to the pressure in her throat, comments to Ana, that lunch was made by my father, he rarely cooks and when he does it, everyone at home likes it, no. I couldn’t even take a bite, I barely put it on the table…
Then Ana understands that it is not just any lunch and that for Andrea that particular lunch had additional value, whoever prepared it…
Finally, Ana comments to Andrea: “I understand that this situation, where Juan accidentally threw your lunch on the floor, generates an emotion of sadness in you, and this is completely valid. If a person important to me made my lunch and something similar happened, I would feel the same way. Tell me, What could we do to solve it?”
How to help a person who does not control their emotions?
For a person who does not have a good emotional control It is good to receive help when doing emotional recognition, through a process of emotional validation, taking into account these three basic questions:
- What emotion are you feeling? – Remember that All the situations to which we are exposed generate an emotion in us and it is important to be able to make this emotional recognition.
- Why do you feel that way? – It may be that for you, that situation that occurred does not generate the same emotion, that is why it is important recognize the reasons that lead this person to feel that way.
- What could I do to solve it? – It is valuable to help the person look for solutions to their emotion. since it focuses on the present moment. Don’t forget to recount the situation that arose, the emotion it generated and the reason why this emotion manifested itself, to provide a possible solution.
Why is it important to control emotions?
Very likely, if in the previous example Ana had not been nearby, and Andrea’s emotion had not been sadness but anger, the response could have been a scream at Juan, or some other major aggression. If we evaluate the consequences of these possible responses, Andrea might have lost her job or faced expulsion from school. Additionally, we could imagine that, having seen her reactions, few would want to spend quality time with her, etc. This allows us to see, in a simple way, the importance of having adequate management of emotions.