Throughout our lives, we all know or have gone through a breakup. Many people may have noticed that when you are the one who puts an end to the relationship, normally, the people around you do not pay the same attention to you as if you were. They have left you. It seems that the fact of having been the person who made the decision was implicit with the idea that it is not going to be as bad as if they left you, they forget that making a decision of these characteristics can entail suffering, uncertainty, guilt and fear. to not make the right decision and to make mistakes.
In this Psychology-Online article, we aim to help clarify What does the person feel when they leave their partner and if they miss them?.
Is it normal for me to miss my ex if I left him?
Many people believe that the part of the couple that puts an end to the relationship has no reason to miss that relationship, but the fact is that ending the relationship with someone means , even if you ended it yourself.
In this grieving process, sometimes, You can miss things about your partner, plans you made together and even the person. Ending a relationship will lead the person to experience grief and, as a consequence, to moments of sadness, fear of being alone or the uncertainty of whether you have made the best decision or not. To all this, sometimes, feelings of guilt can be added that can create discomfort when thinking that you have hurt your ex-partner, so it is not easy to be the person who puts an end to the relationship.
If we base ourselves on the theory of the grieving process, it is normal to miss your partner while experiencing the loss, it is normal to have fear and doubt about whether you have made the right decision. Even so, if that happens it would be good, first, to allow yourself to feel this loss and fear and, second, to try to look again for the reasons why you put an end to the relationship and assess whether even today they still seem like compelling reasons to you. or not.
Is it normal for someone who leaves to regret it?
Generally, the person who leaves the other, in the process of adapting to the situation taken, may have moments of regret, as part of the grieving process. Even so, it is also true that at some point the regret, which may have been experienced in one of the phases of grief, must lead to a negotiation about the current situation and where one wants to take the direction and, subsequently, an acceptance of the situation. the decision made.
If you see that regret is very frequent and you feel that you are not moving forward after having made the decision, perhaps it is time to review your feelings.
What does the person feel when they leave their partner, do they suffer?
The leaver yes he suffers. Having doubts about something torments most people, imagine if you have them for the future of your relationship. Leaving the person next to you can mean a 180-degree change in your life, so it is normal to have doubts and fears about whether to make the decision.
Furthermore, once the decision has been made, doubts may also appear as to whether you have done what you really wanted or it was simply a speed bump that could be overcome, or a problem may appear along with it. guilty feeling if you think you have hurt the person who was next to you. So the myth that the person who leaves does not suffer is not true, since the grief for the loss of the relationship is experienced by both parties, and guilt can also be added to the person who leaves, a feeling that is often source of discomfort for those who feel it.
When does the leaver want to return?
The leaver wants to return when he realizes that the decision made does not meet your created expectationsThat is, relationships usually end because it is believed that one will be better alone than with the other person. When reality does not meet the reality that we had in our minds, that is when the person who has put an end to the relationship decides to return to try a second chance.
It can also happen that the party that has been left begins a new path with another person and at that moment the leaver, seeing himself replaced, feels the need to return. The habit of being the one who walked with that person and seeing that the other person has already rebuilt their life can break certain mental patterns or expectations and lead the person to want to recover their previous relationship.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Boss, P. (2001). Ambiguous loss: how to learn to live with unfinished grief. Barcelona: gedisa.
- Poch Avellan, C. (2013). Losses and pains. Barcelona: Octadero.