They say that it is possible to know when a relationship or couple dynamic begins but not when it ends. There are love stories that continue and there are still pending issues to be resolved, even long after they have opted for separation and after a while they return for a second chance.
This happens because many relationships end not because they have run out of love or because they discovered that the other was not the person for them, but rather because they did not fit together as a couple and finally communication problems and misinterpretations caused them to distance themselves. .
In this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about whether second chances at love work and how to order them.
Is there always a second chance in love?
All relational dynamics are different and every couple is different. Each couple has a unique type of connection and feels or expresses their love in a particular way. We may have to share with our previous partners, but each new relationship has new components and brings out unknown parts of us.
Each beginning or end of a relationship is also different and there are couples who, once they end, do so permanently and others who are more likely to return for a second chance. Is there always a second chance in love? This will depend on many factors, but a very important one is how clearly they see the breakup and the reasons for it. Let’s see what it depends on:
- The reasons for the breakup were not serious: Couples who tend to try again after breaking up are couples in which love and desire still exist and the reasons for the breakup were not due to a major betrayal.
- Issue to be resolved: They were not able to reconcile at various points in the relationship and the disagreements were greater than the agreements. When this happens, an unresolved issue remains unconsciously in the couple.
- Want to meet again: The feeling of having something unresolved can lead one or both members of the couple to seek a reunion to try to resolve what they previously could not resolve.
When can a second chance work?
To know if second chances at love work, it is important analyze why the relationship ended. You have to look for both the apparent reasons and the underlying reasons that are a little more unconscious. This is key so that a second chance in the relationship can work, since only then will they be able to generate a new dynamic and try a relationship with a future on this occasion. Next, we will see what is important for a second chance to work.
Reflect on the reasons for the breakup
Do second chances at love work? In order for them to do so, it is essential that both members of the couple reflect on the reasons of the breakup and the changes that are necessary to generate a second chance in the relationship and that this time it works. If this does not happen, possibly soon the relationship will become the same thing that led to a breakup in the past. In this article, we tell you.
Work on emotions associated with the breakup
Another fundamental step for second chances to work is to personally work on the emotions associated with this breakup. When a relationship ends, there is a tendency to see the bad in the other and there is a tendency to reproach their behavior, actions and way of being and to hold anger and resentment towards them. It is important put things in perspective and keep in mind that not everything is black or white.
Be aware of the aspects that need to be worked on
It is important to commit to the change and, if you consider it necessary, seek help from a third party to help you see the point of disagreement and create a bridge that brings together both personalities and ways of being. A couple that has reflected and is aware of what needs to be worked on feels greater clarity, which gives you motivation and enthusiasm to fight for the relationship in this new opportunity.
They are couples that can build, since they seek a behavioral or attitudinal change that generates a change in the previous dynamic and that leads to a good result. The motivation to try again and fight for the relationship is purer and more genuine.
Know the risks of getting back with your ex
We must be aware of the risks that second chances in love entail. There is no complete certainty that this time things will work. between the couple. To the extent that the couple is committed to working and the level of motivation they feel to be together, there will be more or less chances that things will work out for both of them.
What is very necessary is take this new opportunity as a new beginning and not as an extension of the past relationship, since otherwise we will probably continue repeating the same mistakes. Seeing a second chance as a new relationship will allow you to build and rebuild better foundations.
How to ask for a second chance
How to get them to give you a second chance? Next, we will see how second chances in love are achieved and what to do in this situation:
- Be aware of what you want: Before asking for a second chance at love, it is important to analyze what you feel so that when it comes to talking about these things with your ex-partner you will have clearer thoughts and feelings.
- Be clear about what you want to ask or propose to the other person.: to avoid confusion and interpretations that cause your message to be misunderstood. Communicate what you feel, what you want, what you think happened, the solutions that have occurred to you, what you have been able to process and think in this time apart and take the time to listen to what the other has to tell you.
- Give him some time to digest and process what you just told him.: Don’t stick with the first thing that was answered, since many times we respond automatically, but over time our opinion changes when we better process all the information we receive. Keep in mind that you have had a lot of time to think about things, but that perhaps this is the first time that your ex-partner thinks about them the way you do.
- Set clear goals: If your partner agrees to a second chance, set clear goals for doing things differently this time and consider asking for help.
- Accept rejection: It is one of the possibilities and it is good that we consider it from the beginning. If your ex-partner decides to turn the page on the relationship, be satisfied that you tried, live your grieving process, but don’t be discouraged. If things didn’t work out it’s for a reason.
In this article, you will find more information about .
Give my ex a second chance, yes or no?
Why give a second chance? If you doubt whether to give your ex a second chance or not, the first thing you have to evaluate is what you really want. It is important that analyze the reasons why you want to get back into the relationship and consider whether it is possible to resolve the conflicts that caused the breakup previously.
To make this decision, you must take into account some common reasons that can influence the desire to return with your ex Some of the reasons that make you want to get back with your ex, but that should not be your compelling reasons, are:
- Getting back with an ex out of necessity.
- Getting back with an ex out of habit.
- Return to a relationship for fear of being alone.
- Going back to an ex for fear of not finding another person to take that place.
- Returning to an ex with the feeling that everything bad was due to the other’s mistakes and being aware of your part or vice versa.
- Getting back with an ex when you don’t love him anymore.
- Returning to an ex for children, a house or another reason unrelated to the relationship dynamic.
- Getting back together with an ex without having taken time to reflect on the relationship.
- Getting back with an ex out of grief, guilt, or prioritizing the other person’s feelings and desires before your own.
- Getting back with an ex who you know hurts you and will continue to hurt you.
The most important thing when making the decision is to value yourself. If your reasons for giving your ex a second chance are among the above, we recommend this article about .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Education and family magazine of the Ministry of Education and Culture (2001). Education and family. Spain