Without a doubt both terms, as they are Assertiveness and empathy are often confused very often because these are social skills that people can develop and that help us improve our relationship with others. Who hasn’t met a person who knows how to safely make requests of others without having to get into arguments? Or who hasn’t met a person who many people tend to like for their ability to listen and understand?
There are many people who have highly developed these types of social skills that undoubtedly are of great help to be successful in almost any area of their life. It is necessary to point out that each and every one of us, if we want, can develop these types of skills, the only thing that is needed is to change habits in the way we act and interact with others and a lot of practice and perseverance. In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to know what the differences between assertiveness and empathy, To do this, we will define both concepts and provide you with some recommendations to develop these skills.
We will begin by defining each of these terms and provide some examples that will help clarify the differences between the two.
What is assertiveness
Assertiveness is a social skill that allows people to person express their tastes, desires and interests in the most appropriate way and at the right time. She does this based on respect for herself and others and without feeling any type of discomfort or anxiety. The assertive person is clear, sincere and direct since they really express what they want but without hurting the feelings of others, with the sole purpose of asserting their personal rights.
A clear example of assertiveness would be a person who does not want to do something that another wants him to do and has no difficulty saying no, however he does it correctly and peacefully, without the need to lie or argue. Another example is that of a person who is verbally attacked by his boss or by a co-worker, this person will have no problem recognizing and defending himself appropriately, without insulting, yelling or, on the contrary, acting passively, he will let you know. your disagreement and will assert your rights as a person.
What is empathy
Empathy is also, as we have already seen, a social skill that allows understand and recognize the opinions and feelings of other people, without the need to feel identified with them or to adopt them. An empathetic person knows how to listen and put themselves in the other’s shoes, knowing their way of thinking and perceiving things. He does this without judging and without his opinions or preferences intervening, which makes the other person feel truly understood and taken into account. This is the reason why empathetic people “click” more easily with others since they make them feel recognized and valued despite not agreeing in tastes, beliefs and/or preferences.
An example of empathy is the work of psychologists, psychologists obviously have to be empathetic with their patients since they have to listen to them and really put themselves in their shoes in order to help them find the most appropriate solutions for their personal situation, based solely on the person’s beliefs and principles without imposing yours. The psychologist has to respect each person’s personal differences and act based on them; he can never put his own differences first since this would never generate understanding but rather imposition.
Another example would be those people who are told about a problem or situation that is causing us a lot of concern and when we finish talking to them we are left with that feeling of having been really listened to and understood, as if that person knew really how we feel, which makes us like their company.
In this other article we discover some of them.
After having detailed what each of these important social skills consists of, we are going to know in general terms what makes them different.
- Assertiveness, unlike empathy, is more aimed at make our own opinion known, to assert our rights and defend ourselves when the situation warrants it. This means that it is more focused on ourselves than on others.
- Empathy focuses primarily on others, in listening to the opinions and feelings of other people, leaving aside our own at that moment, since they are listened to without judging.
- The assertiveness It is not necessarily aimed at building a deeper bond with the other person since its main purpose is not that but look rather for yourself.
- Empathy can generate a deeper and closer bond with other people by trying to understand them and attend to them with sufficient attention
So an assertive person does not necessarily have to be an empathetic person and on the contrary, an empathetic person does not have to be assertive. Obviously, a person who has both skills developed will surely have an easier time interacting with others and will be able to function in any field. Although both have different purposes, the main aspect that unites them is that they are both based on respect and improve communication with others.
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, each and every one of us can develop these types of social skills, to do so we must practice and be consistent in our new way of acting. Below we give you some tips so that you can develop empathy with others.
- Actively listen to others without judging them or imposing your own opinions or points of view. When someone is telling you something that happens to them, try to pay as much attention as possible, focus on understanding the reasons they have that make them act that way, find out how they feel, what thoughts are going through their head, etc. Stop putting your own thoughts and emotions first, make an effort to “enter their world” and understand it.
- Paraphrase what he says. Every time he tells you something, once he finishes the last sentence, if you have not yet fully understood what he thinks or feels, you can naturally repeat the last sentence he said, which will make him feel heard and give rise to to continue explaining to you what is happening to him.
- Let him know the emotion you think he may be experiencing. After paraphrasing a small part of what he said, you can add to it by letting him know the emotion you think he may be feeling. For example: “what you tell me about how you realize that your mother constantly manipulates you and stops talking to you, I imagine that she must be making you feel very alone, right?”
- Don’t interject your ideas or judge what he is telling you. If the person is opening up to you by telling you what is happening to them and their way of perceiving the world is because they feel comfortable and understood, they will stop feeling the same if you start giving them advice based on your own way of seeing things, they will feel judged and belittled So if you are going to give advice, base it solely on what she is telling you and what she is feeling and perceiving.