Have you ever doubted your judgment? It has happened to all of us that at some point we feel that we cannot trust what we think and the feeling is not pleasant. This is the daily life of those who suffer gaslighting and it is precisely a person they love who plants those doubts in their head.
If you’re not very familiar with the term gaslighting, this is a a form of emotional abuse in which one person manipulates another person to make them doubt their judgment, memories, or perception of reality. Although at first glance it is a subtle type of abuse, its consequences are serious and usually worsen if the person remains exposed to manipulation for a long time.
When a person is a victim of gaslighting, it usually has the following effects:
- Doubt your memory.
- Distrust your perception of the present.
- He doesn’t feel like he can trust his own intelligence and judgment.
- He questions his own mental health.
- Your self-esteem is affected.
- You decide to delegate your decisions to other people.
Although these are only some of the consequences of this abusive behavior, it is important to be clear that It is necessary to recognize the situation, end the relationship that is harmful and seek help.
What phrases are frequently used to gaslight?
Generally, the gaslighter or the person who has this abusive behavior usually uses phrases to question the judgment of his victim and take advantage of that situation. Between the most frequent phrases are counted:
“That never happened”: The gaslighter usually uses this phrase to deny that other abusive behaviors have been real, so the victim begins to give greater credit to the “reality” that the other person creates and generates a feeling of dependence on the abuser.
“You have a very bad memory”: This phrase is intended to make the victim doubt their ability to remember certain details. When the victim does not trust her judgment, the gaslighter is in complete control.
“That’s not what I said” / “I don’t remember saying that”: With this phrase, the aim is to generate doubts regarding your ability to understand or remember what is said to you.
“You are being too sensitive”: This phrase usually invalidates the other person’s emotions and makes them feel that their reaction is usually exaggerated.
“If you really loved me, you would do this for me”: This phrase seeks to get the victim to agree to do things they do not want “in the name of love.”
“You are crazy”: This phrase is intended to make the victim feel insecure, confused and believe that they are losing their sanity. The abuser can even make family and friends believe that this person is not well and make it less likely that others will believe what the person says.
“I’m sorry you think I hurt you”: This expression sounds like an apology, but in reality it seeks to delegate responsibility to the victim for a specific act.
“You are imagining things”: When the victim perceives that something is not right, the gaslighter denies it to make them doubt their perception.
“You can’t take a joke”: Often the gaslighter seeks to give the appearance of jokes to the acts he performs that cause wounds in the other person.
“I love you but…”: This phrase seeks to introduce a criticism or demand.
Although emotional abuse does not leave bumps or bruises, the wounds it generates are more painful and take longer to heal. If you feel like you are a victim of gaslighting, seek help from a mental health professional or someone close to you whom you can trust.
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