Our interpersonal relationships, both with family, friends and partners, as well as with the other people we interact with, need limits. How can we establish and fulfill them?
What does setting limits consist of?
Setting limits in our personal relationships is a practice that accounts for the mutual respect, both for the other personto whom our positions are made clear (precisely to not allow her to be in charge of discovering or violating them without knowing it) as oneself. Far from what it seems, These limits will allow us greater freedom, since it has been made clear what they can or cannot expect from us. However, it is not always easy to make clear boundaries in our relationships.
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Determining limits involves making clear the boundaries of social practice, revealing what we are willing or not willing to do in a certain interaction, our tastes, preferences, needs and limitations.
Difficulties when setting limits
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Nervousness or insecurity: facing a panorama that we consider that can cause significant changes in our lives, sometimes we are not willing to face these changes and we panic or have a lot of insecurity. But drawing limits, far from affecting a healthy relationship, will be one of its principlesso we should not feel insecure or nervous when doing it.
- Lack of clarity of the individual before the collective: Not having a more or less overview clear of what concerns us as individuals and what is not is a problem that must be addressed in order to draw limits in our relationships, since the latter depends on the former.
- Fear of confrontation: Avoiding an altercation is one thing and defending one’s own positions, preferences, rights or legitimate actions is quite another. Drawing boundaries does not have to cause altercations. Avoiding making clear our conditions for relating (the limits in relationships) can cause conflicts in the future.
- Self-esteem problems: Of course, those who have not done a healthy elaboration of their self imageyou may think that is not in a position to express or delimit boundaries in social interaction and, therefore, may suffer the consequences of not doing so. But this is not healthy. In this case, recognizing one’s own value and working on what this entails is central both for ourselves and for the people with whom we interact.
- Little tact: Assertiveness is not always a common characteristic in people. When we fail to be assertive, other people may feel attacked or offended. But if assertiveness is present, there is nothing wrong with setting limits. That is why it is important to communicate assertively..
- Blame: The feeling of guilt is a complex and difficult feeling to handle, especially when it comes to stating our preferences and opinions. But we should not feel guilty or selfish for asserting our way of thinking.
- Inability to make decisions: draw limits, like any other human action, involves a decision, in this case, consent. We must also review the difficulties of indecision in order to establish healthier relationships.
That said, we must remember that drawing boundaries It is not a single and decisive act, given once and for all. We are beings changing, we evolve and we mature over time, and the boundaries we draw aren’t always the same either. As relationships progress, boundaries can also change.
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Nor should we forget that limits are drawn frequently, constantly, with our attitudes, dialogue and actions with others. It is a process that needs time and perseverance and, perhaps, the keys to being able to draw the necessary limits are good communication, respect and empathy.