Attachment behavior is a fundamental bond for any human being. What a person develops from childhood will condition his personality and the social and emotional relationships that he establishes throughout his life.
In this article we propose a look at the construction of the attachment in adoption contexts, where this emotional bond acquires very unique connotations. Promoting a secure attachment style during childhood is essential for these people to achieve a good adaptation.
Duels in adoption
Adoption is marked by grief. On the one hand, that of the parents for not having had children; On the other hand, that of adopted children who suffer the loss or absence of their reference figures, the wound of abandonment. At the same time, children establish new emotional ties with their new adoptive family.
The wound of abandonment and attachment disorder in adopted children
When children know they are adopted, they develop feelings of anxiety and grief that can be maintained for life.
In many cases, the trauma of abandonment causes a attachment disorder. Already in the first years of life of adopted children, an imprint is generated that leads the person to develop the belief that they are not loved. This causes any negative reaction they receive to activate the fear of abandonment.
Furthermore, these people express low self-esteem, they tend to believe that there is something in them that motivated this abandonment. They may also have more irritable or fearful behaviors and reject signs of affection.
In general, their reactions are related to the lack of security and trust in people, both in others and in themselves. There may also be a low tolerance for frustration and difficulties with social and intimate relationships.
In the stage of adolescence, characterized by the search for one’s own identity, the emptiness derived from abandonment becomes more evident, which hinders the construction of said identity, as well as a conflict to identify his own history with that of his current family. A stress-generating situation.
All of these characteristics also usually occur when the person reaches adulthood. In addition, she may have the perception that relationships are temporary and that makes her anticipate and abandon others before being abandoned.
The importance of secure attachment in the environment of the adopted minor
He primary wound recognition from their environment is essential to heal their attachment disorder and the minor’s low self-esteem. Adoptive parents must understand that an adopted child has different needs from others, which are not met with love alone.
The family system must be empathetic and regulate the child’s emotions and behaviors, act with patience and respect to create a secure attachment that manages to alleviate the impact of abandonment and adoption. If the adoption is successful, the child will have a favorable environment to redefine their experience of abandonment and achieve a good adaptation; Otherwise, the conflict will probably worsen.
Therapy to repair abandonment syndrome in adopted people
To heal the wound, one of the ways is through the recognition of past trauma, not as a reproach towards any figure from said past, but as a way of understanding oneself and one’s own emotional and personal history.
Afterwards, the person must open up and let the emotions flow, perhaps repressed since early childhood, and discover the appropriate resources to manage their emotional world. Likewise, it is essential to work on his self-esteem.
The , which intervenes in the family system as a whole, can be especially useful in these cases, as well as the (Desensitization and Reprocessing by Eye Movements), among others, which have been shown to be effective in overcoming the trauma of abandonment in adopted people.
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