When you are assertive, you are more confident and have the energy to get your point across firmly, fairly, and empathetically. While aggressive behavior is based on winning and not thinking about the damage that your words can cause to other people.
It is about doing what is best for our own interests without taking into account the rights, needs, feelings or desires of other people. When you are aggressive, the energy you use is selfish. In this Psychology-Online article we tell you how to develop assertive communication and the benefits of it through assertive communication dynamics for kids and adults.
Some benefits of assertive communication
It is not always easy to identify a really assertive behavior. This is because there is a fine line between assertiveness and aggressiveness, and people can often confuse the two. It is based on balance, requiring us to be frank about our wants and needs, while still considering the rights, needs and desires of others.
One of the main benefits of being assertive is that it can help you become more confident in yourself, as you gain a better understanding of who you are and the value you offer.
Benefits of assertive communication techniques:
In addition, assertiveness provides other benefits that can help you both in your professional career and in other areas of your life. In general, those people who are assertive:
- Negotiate successful solutions “win-win.” They are able to recognize the value of their opponent’s position and can quickly find common ground with them.
- They are better problem solvers. They feel empowered to do whatever is necessary to find the best solution to the problems that arise.
- Are less anxious and stressed. They feel secure in themselves and do not feel threatened or victimized when things do not go as planned or expected.
Assertive communication exercises in adults and examples
There are six that can help us build assertive communication:
1. Behavioral Test
Which is literally practicing how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful assertive communication dynamic when certain behaviors are used for the first time, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to precisely identify the behavior you want to confront.
2. Repeated affirmation (the ‘broken record’)
This assertiveness technique allows you to feel comfortable ignoring verbal traps manipulative arguments, argumentative baits and irrelevant logic while you stick to your point. To most effectively use this assertiveness technique, use calm repetition, say what you want to say, and stay focused on the topic. You will find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and there is no need to “promote yourself” in dealing with others.
Example:
- “I would like to show you some of our products”
- “No thanks, i do not care”
- “I really have a great variety to offer you”
- “It may be true, but I’m not interested right now.”
- “Is there anyone else here who might be interested?”
- “I don’t want any of these products”
- “Okay, could you take this brochure and think about it?”
- “Yes, I will take a leaflet”
- “Thank you”
- “You are welcome”
3. Nebulization
This technique allows you receive criticism comfortably, without becoming anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth in what they tell you, but remain the judge of your choice of action.
A example of this could be: “I agree that there are probably times when I don’t respond to you…”
4. Negative investigation
This assertiveness exercise seeks criticism of oneself in close relationships, encouraging the expression of honest and negative feelings to improve communication. To use it effectively, you need to listen to critical feedback, clarify your understanding of that criticism, use the information if it is useful, or ignore the information if it is manipulative.
A example of this assertiveness technique would be: “Do you/do you think I’m not interested?“
5. Negative affirmation
This assertiveness technique allows you to look more comfortably at the negative aspects of your own behavior or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, which also reduces the hostility of your critics. You must accept your mistakes or faults, but do not apologize. Instead, timidly and compassionately accept hostile criticism of your negative qualities.
A example I would be: “Yes you’re right. I don’t always listen carefully to what you have to say.“.
6. Feasible compromise
When you feel that your self-esteem is not in danger, consider a feasible compromise with the other person. You always can negotiate for your material goals unless the commitment affects your personal feelings and, therefore, your self-esteem. However, if the end goal involves a question of self-esteem, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE.
A example of this assertiveness technique would be: “I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I am doing. So how about we meet in half an hour?“
Dynamics of assertive communication in children: How can I teach my child to be assertive?
A child who is passive might refrain from communicating with his teacher for fear of how he would react or respond. A child who is aggressive may yell at the teacher or interrupt class to accuse the teacher of something.
As you can see, these two extremes are not the most adaptive form of communication. Assertiveness is the healthiest style of communication and requires us to recognize and defend our own rights, while respecting the rights of others. Furthermore, assertiveness is the ability to advocate for ourselves in an honest and respectful way.
Both adults and children can have initial difficulties with assertiveness. However, like any other skill, with practice, it gets easier. For children, assertiveness skills play a huge role in a variety of situations, from the playground to classrooms to a birthday party, from bullying to teasing and peer pressure. It is important that boys and girls learn to.
Here we present some assertive communication dynamics in which you and your child can develop your assertiveness skills and, in turn, establish healthy communication patterns:
Talk about assertiveness
Sometimes we tell our children to do things without offering much explanation. If we say, for example, “be assertive” it is something that a child will not necessarily know how to do without her help. Ask your child about situations with friends or at school where he has had problems with assertiveness. Maybe she was excluded from a game at recess or picked on on the bus, ask her about these situations by asking and responding assertively. When he is ready, you can change roles and this way your child will be practicing and establishing assertive communication, you can give him explicit explanations of what it means to be assertive.
Assertiveness model
As parents, appropriateness is one of the most effective ways to help our children learn to behave. And this can be used with the assertive communication skills. It is important for your child to see you stand up for yourself in various situations, especially when your opinion is not the most popular. When you practice phrases like, “Thank you for sharing your perspective. I have a different opinion, but now I understand yours,” you are teaching your child that it’s okay to disagree, but it’s important to stand up for yourself respectfully.
You can teach him to take the following steps when defending his perspective:
- Make eye contact
- Keep calm
- Speak clearly
- Use a firm voice
Learning and practicing how to communicate assertively You will both gain a better understanding of yourself and others, tolerance for others and their ideas, and confidence in your ability to speak and feel heard.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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