Juan spent the entire day justifying and downplaying the behavior of his employees so as not to intervene, so as not to do anything. Juan knew that this was not the correct path and this situation caused him great dissatisfaction. He felt that he was ignored in the office and that he did not have the right skills to deal with problems.
Have you ever tried to say something to one of your employees to correct a certain attitude or reproach them for some behavior, but the anxiety you felt at that moment was so high that you remained blocked and in the end did not say anything.
Juan felt sad and angry with himself, increasing his frustration and anxiety.
This difficulty affected him above all in the company, since he was not able to effectively manage the department for which he was responsible. The matter worried him so much that he began to have insomnia problems. He thought all night about the possibility of being fired from the company for being a bad boss, since he did not solve the problems with his employees.
Juan came to the consultation very motivated to solve this problem of lack of assertiveness, as he said: “I am afraid that this problem will get out of hand and I will lose my job.”
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What is Assertiveness?
Assertive behavior is a way of behavior that allows people to adapt to the situation and obtain short- and long-term rewards. When we behave assertively, we are able to express our feelings, attitudes, desires, opinions and rights to the people around us, in an appropriate way, in each situation.
The basic assertive message would be: “This is what I think; This is what I feel; “This is how I see this situation.” The objective is the communication of the needs and rights of one person to another, in a sincere way. And of course, this does not mean the absence of conflict, as it can sometimes occur.
This is what I think; This is what I feel; This is how I see this situation.
Behind behavior that is NOT assertive there may be a series of irrational ideas such as:
- “Don’t say things that might hurt the feelings of others.”
- “Keep what you think to yourself”
- “Friends or family members who hurt you deserve the silent treatment.”
- “It is important for everyone to like you,” etc.
To address the lack of Assertiveness with Juan in the consultation, he was taught the strategies and skills necessary to improve his relationship with the employees of his company.
Stages:
1.Practice of assertive behavior: Here the psychologist served as a model of assertive behavior. During the consultation, different situations were presented by the psychologist and Juan practiced them and integrated them into his way of behaving from that moment on. At this point he corrected himself and differentiated between assertive and aggressive behavior.
Once the behavioral tests were completed in the consultation, they began to put what they had trained into practice in their daily lives.
2.Performing different assertive behaviors at work: What was learned in the sessions with the psychologist was put into practice. He began with assertive behaviors that did not cause him much anxiety, and little by little he began to practice the behaviors that, for Juan, were more difficult to perform (such as telling his employees that the time to have a coffee was 15 minutes, not one hour).
3.Comments on the difficulties in consultation: We discuss with Juan the possible difficulties he has had at work with the practice of assertive behavior.
Behind behavior that is NOT assertive there may be a series of irrational ideas.
4.Anxiety reduction: He was taught a relaxation technique so that he could face the most problematic social situations with more confidence and less nervousness.
5.Irrational thought changes: Given the ideas that Juan had about how to behave with others (such as “Don’t say things that could hurt other people’s feelings”), we commented and discussed with him what is better and more positive, being clear. and direct, or drop subtle hints to people.
After treatment, Juan was able to run his department more efficiently. His relationship with his workers changed. He told them in a correct way what he expected of them and did not mince words. The workers, in turn, now knew clearly what was expected of them and the department began to function better. Juan felt very comfortable with his new way of facing problems, with assertiveness, and his work stopped causing him insomnia problems.