Are you worried because your child has numerous aggressive behaviors? You are not the only one. These situations are too common in our society and require a complete analysis to allow a good differential diagnosis. In some cases, aggressiveness is part of normality and with the following of certain behavioral patterns, aggressiveness will be reduced, but on other occasions, aggressiveness masks another type of pathology or disorder.
Hence the importance of a good evaluation to determine what the causes of your specific case are. In this Online Psychology article we tell you how to act when faced with Aggression in children 4 to 5 years old.
Aggressive behavior in primary school children
Although it may seem strange to us, aggression is a normal part of a child’s development. Many children grab toys from their classmates, hit, kick, or scream continuously.
A child of that age is constantly learning new skills of all kinds: cognitive, manual, social, etc. Each new learning presents a new challenge and if he feels overwhelmed or frustrated he may end up lashing out at a playmate or anyone close to him. If your child finds himself in a new situation, to which he needs to adapt and at some point he feels bad, his way of reacting could be to attack a child who is nearby (if there is one).
Other times, simply you may feel tired or pissed off. And having no other coping strategy, he responds with aggressive behaviors.
Even if you already go to school and we believe that you should control your responses, a learning problem can make it difficult for you to listen, focus on an activity, read… hindering your performance in school and causing frustration. Furthermore, any event in your life, such as that of your parents or an illness in the family, can cause such pain that you do not know how to handle it and use aggression as a response.
Whatever the cause of your child’s aggression, it is likely that he will overcome this aggressive phase as he becomes more skilled in his comprehension and language skills to solve the problems that appear in life. The key is to show him that he will get better results that way than using aggression.
How should I act when faced with my son’s aggression?
- Be an example: No matter how angry you are, try not to yell or hit him and avoid telling your child that he is bad. The best way to teach him to change his behavior is to be an example for him and show him that physical and verbal aggression occurs when one is out of control and that one must avoid reaching that extreme. That’s why a good example is to control yourself in situations where you are angry and act calmly. If necessary, take some time.
- Set a plan and follow it: As far as possible, respond in the same way to aggressive behavior. The more predictable you are, the sooner you will establish a pattern that your child can recognize and expect in certain circumstances. Finally, your child will know that certain behaviors that are not appropriate will have consequences for him and that if he does not want to suffer them, he must control himself.
- Respond quickly to aggressive behavior: When your child is aggressive, try to respond quickly. It is very important to let him know that what he has done is wrong immediately. You can take him out of the situation he is in for a short time. For example, for a preschool child 3 or 4 minutes may be enough. In the case of an older child, it may be considered appropriate to take away a privilege as a result of aggressive outbursts: less time watching television, playing games, etc.
The goal is for him to associate his behavior with consequences and discover that if he hits or yells, he will miss out on something he likes.
- Talk to your child: It is good to wait until your child is more relaxed and talk calmly about what happened. The most appropriate moment is when he is already calm, but before he forgets what happened. Ask him if he can tell you why he did it, the trigger. It is important to know and through good dialogue.
Explain that it is natural to get angry sometimes, but that does not justify inappropriate behavior: biting, hitting, pushing or kicking. It’s about teaching you to recognize and understand your emotions by learning other ways to express them.
- Teaches responsibility: If your child’s aggression has damaged other people’s things, you should help fix it. It’s about cleaning something if you get something dirty. If he breaks it, let him glue the parts of it together, etc. Do not characterize these actions as a punishment but rather as a natural consequence of the aggressive act.
Additionally, you should make sure your child understands that he or she has to say sorry when he or she oversteps boundaries.
- Reinforce appropriate behavior: Instead of paying a lot of attention to him when he behaves badly, try to pay attention when he does things well. Tell him how proud you are of him. Show him that self-control and conflict resolution are more satisfying and that hitting is the worst possible outcome. It would be interesting to use a calendar posted on the refrigerator or any visible place in the house, where the rewards are stickers on the days when he has been able to control his temper appropriately.
- Control “screen” time: It is important that you try to control the programs and video games your child watches. On many occasions, programs that seem appropriate a priori show inappropriate strategies for children: shouting, aggression…
Should I ask for help?
Some children have more problems with aggression than others. If aggression is a frequent and serious behavior in your child and if it also interferes with school or other important activities in the life of a child her age, consult a specialist.
Sometimes an undiagnosed learning or behavioral disorder is behind frustration and anger. Other times, the problem is related to family or emotional difficulties.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.