Canceling people could be included within the current concept of “toxic people” since these are people who, due to their particular characteristics, end up canceling and depriving the life force of anyone who comes close to them. As with any other type of toxic person in addition to this canceling profile, these people, in reality, act this way due to different unconscious mechanisms created from endless traumatic experiences, childhood blows and deficiencies. Although there is currently a general tendency to promote distancing ourselves from toxic people to free ourselves from their “toxicity” and be able to develop healthily, in this article we want to present another, more healing and reconciling perspective.
In the following Psychology-Online article we are going to present some tips on how to deal with nullifying people so that we can all benefit and improve.
Become aware of what it generates in me
As the first and most important step to take into account, we must become aware of what my interaction provokes in me with this person to protect us. Once all the blows and wounds suffered have been located, we will look for resources that allow us to prevent these attacks, protect ourselves from them or, ultimately, relieve and heal them without allowing the suffering suffered to reside within us.
Below we leave you some resources that can be very useful in this regard:
- Have a social support network (family and friends) with whom to express torments and jointly seek constructive solutions.
- Practice breathing and relaxation techniques that will serve as a shield and help us recover after possible blows.
- Take care of our health in an integral way (good eating habits, moderate and regular exercise, emotional care, etc.) that will keep us strong in the face of different situations that occur.
Analyze if my defensive mechanisms feed yours
Sometimes, hePeople’s defensive mechanisms are intertwined, strengthening both unbalanced functionings. An obvious case is when an aggressive and impulsive person establishes a relationship with another person with passive mechanisms, with insecurity and.
Both mechanisms feed each other permanently as long as there is no one to intervene to break said vicious interaction. In this case, it will be important to assess whether there are wounds within us that make us submissive to nullifying attitudes and to carry out personal care and healing work that builds a new and positive image of ourselves. This tool will be a great shield against canceling people.
In this article we explain to you.
Accept that you are a victim of your mechanisms
In the same way, instead of living continually distressed by the comments or attitudes of this type of people, with all the negative consequences that all this will produce in our lives, we can try to create a new look on the canceling person and consider him a victim of his own defensive mechanisms that, ultimately, try to protect him from his own childhood ghosts.
This new look can be a great shield against possible damage suffered. However, not all of the person’s attitudes need to be justified and in some cases it will be necessary to cut off the relationship.
Work to maintain ourselves in a state of constant calm
Working on a permanent state of calm is something beneficial for human beings in any area of their lives. In the particular case of facing interactions with canceling people, strive to remain calm permanently. It will help the blows not have any effect on us and, in turn, from our state of calm, we will be able to redirect the situation towards another calmer and more advantageous solution for everyone.
Maintaining a state of inner peace does not mean remaining insensitive to what is happening around us. Quite the opposite. This state of calm allows us properly self-manage our interior and help our neighbors manage their disruptive situations.
Be compassionate
By adopting this new look and attitude towards people who adopt such behavior, compassion arises almost automatically as our own human need for help and improvement of others. Love, in this case manifested for the care of the other, is the best medicine to cure any type of ailment in our souls.
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Value the positive qualities of the person
Another important aspect that can contribute to a large extent to appeasing the negative cancellation mechanism used by this person is to nourish and strengthen the positive qualities that this person has. All human beings are endowed with good gifts. For all this, help the canceling person to focus their attention on their positive aspects. It will allow us to reinforce these aspects and reduce defensive functioning.
Set clear boundaries
When dealing with canceling people it is essential set limits on a personal level (and externally if necessary) to not allow at any time any situation that exceeds the limits of respect for human dignity.
Establishing clear limits that do not allow any type of abuse will protect us against this defensive attitude but will also, in itself, reduce the strength, frequency and intensity of this negative functioning.
Stay in the battle until the end
So that everything said in this article goes favorably, patience should become our best ally, as long as it does not pose a threat to our personal or physical integrity. We are aware that addressing all of the above is by no means a simple task.
This new lifestyle against toxic people is actually a joint work of care and mutual improvement that, once integrated, can be an interesting work of social improvement where care over violence, unity over separation, compassion versus judgment, patience versus impulsivity, and love versus fear.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Stamateas, B. (2014) “Toxic people: How to identify and treat people who make it difficult for you to relate fully.” Publisher B of Books.