When they knock on our door They are not always well received. Sometimes your visit is uncomfortable: surprise us at inappropriate times or places, or are too busy to pay attention to them. Other times we would prefer not to open, to lock ourselves up, because his presence scares or displeases us.
But although the emotions seem to come from outside, triggered by external events, actually they are part of usThey are inside the house. How to identify emotions and what to do with them?
What are emotions and what are they for?
The emotions appear and disappear: have a changeable nature. LThe main mission of emotions is to provide information. They would come to be like signals that warn of what happens inside us. They are like guests who visit us for a while and who once their function is fulfilled they leave.
Some emotions are lived as if they were a problem itself, something that goes against oneself. Fear, guilt, anger… are easily interpreted as Enemies to be defeated or nullified.
However, emotions are mere transmitters. The fearfor example, puts in evidence that can exist a disproportion between the threat we feel and the resources with whom we believe we have; either anger is an alarm red that lights up when a frustration occurs, when a wish or an expectation has not been realized.
But while emotions can be a good compass, they are often not a good captain.
They offer a valuable guide to the moment in which we find ourselves, but it is not convenient for them to take command of the situation. Acting from anger or fear can be devastating if we do not manage to mediate reason.
Understanding emotions is useful
A good formula to avoid this danger is establish a dialogue with emotions, giving voice to what is being felt and integrating it into consciousness. It is about relating in a different way with emotions, understanding them as allies rather than enemies and cooperating with them to resolve difficulties that they are pointing
The key to starting this relationship is to attend to emotions as if they were distinguished guests. How good hosts fit show interest in newcomers and give them the attention they deserve.
No one would dream of slamming the door in the face of a guest or ignore his presence while walking around your house. However, this is precisely what we do many times when an emotion disturbs us Or we find it unpleasant.
If a guest perceives that they are not being taken into account you can raise your voice more and more in an attempt to be heard or toss a prized item to attract attention. If he is upset by the disdain, he may choose to make life miserable for us, harassing and persecuting us all over the house, rummaging through our things or occupying our favorite chair.
So one of the main rules of a good host is to be solicitous with his guest, welcoming him, offering him a seat and listening carefully to what he has to say. The excitement is in our house for a reason, and Only when we listen to its message and attend to its needs will it have fulfilled its mission and can it disappear.
What is each emotion for?
every emotion mobilizes us and informs us about how we are experiencing a situation concrete.
- The sadness. It isolates and closes the person in himself so that he can digest painful situations that have happened to him.
- Joy. Produces an expansion throughout the body and reduces worries and discomfort.
- The fear. It is an alarm that is raised when it is interpreted that a threat exceeds one’s own resources. When it is founded, it drives to protect itself and to look for new resources.
- Anger. Indicates that a thwart has occurred. When expressed in a positive way, it allows self-affirmation. If the frustrated need is recognized in more rational ways, it is more likely that it can be carried out.
- The satisfaction. It happens when there is an agreement between the expectation and what happens. Produces confidence and relaxation.
- The blame. Alert that important internal rules have been broken. It makes it possible to take a step to repair the damage, if it has occurred, or to revise an excessively rigid or old code of internal regulations.
- The envy. It indicates that there is a contrast between what another person has and what one lacks. This emotion mobilizes to reduce this contrast.
The 5 key questions to connect with emotions
It is useful explore with affectionate curiosity the emotion that appears. Five basic questions can help to get closer to the emotion to get to know it better and discover the information it has reserved:
1. Who are you?
Noticing that someone has arrived and know the name of the guest is a requirement to start the relationship.
It is possible that he is an old friend and we recognize him quickly, but could be a lesser known guest and hard to identify. Or we can even confuse you completely If we don’t talk to him.
Naming the emotion, describing it in words, is a good way to begin to recognize it and give it a proper place.
2. Where do you come from?
This question allows to know investigate the provenance of the host
What has been the situation or situations that have given rise the emotion? To what people or places is associated? Does it come from near, from a recent event, or from afar? That past experiences feed the emotion…?
Pulling the thread you can know the origin in detail of the guest, which speaks volumes about him and helps to better understand their behavior Or your attitude.
3. WHAT IS YOUR INTENTION?
Visits are usually for a purpose, and emotions appear to perform a function. What we feel at a certain moment is usually consistent with the situation in which we find ourselves, and its purpose is restore a balance.
When asking about the intention of the visit we clarify the real reason for the emotion and from here we can give it meaning and utility.
4. What do you want from me?
We can spin finer and ask the guest what he needs from us to achieve his purpose. If you have come in our search it is because requires help and attention.
Again it should be remembered that listen to requests from a guest does not oblige to carry them out if they conflict with personal principles.
Dialogue makes it possible to agree preciselyestablish a contact between the action demanded by our emotions and the ability to reason.
5. What can I do to make you feel more comfortable?
Instead of avoiding visiting or treat her badly so that she leaves as soon as possible, we can try to make her feel at ease attending to your needs.
There is a tendency to think that if the door is opened to an emotion it can dominate us and make us lose control, but just the opposite is true.. When you are kind to a guest and listen to his needs, he also responds with an affable treatment and does not need to extend his visit beyond what is necessary.
Listening to the emotion does not mean allowing the guest to do what he pleases, as well as listening to him It doesn’t mean you have to do what it says.
We must not forget that we are the owners of the house and that, after all, final decisions are our responsibility.
Sometimes we run into guests who want to settle in at ease, who invade all space or that are done with the control of the house. When a guest has been staying in these conditions for a long time we can get confused and think that he is the real owner of the home.
This happens when the person identifies with an emotion, when he is not able to recognize her as a guest, as something that is under his care and for a passing time. on these occasions it’s easy to feel victimized by the guestand complain about their inappropriate treatment or conduct.
However, it depends on each one. That in your own home the rules are followed according to your principles and values, and not according to the impulses or ideas of the guest. In such a case it is important resume command, informing the guest of the rulesof what it can and cannot do, of the places it can occupy and those that it cannot, of when we can pay attention to it and when not.
What to do with emotions
Behind an emotion there is always A thought, a peculiar way of interpreting what happens. If another meaning of reality is discovered, emotions can also change. For this reason it is useful to consider:
For example: Why do I think that I am not worth living as a couple? What evidence do I have that this is so? What experiences show me otherwise? Where do these ideas come from? Is it about beliefs that limit my vision or that expand it?
- The thoughts behind the emotion. For example, behind the anger there may be a negative and limited thought towards another person of the type: “What he has done shows me that he is selfish and I will never trust him again.”
- Can you think or interpret the situation in a different way?
- Seek alternative approaches. This last step requires a creative attitude, in the sense of trying to see the situation from other angles. For example, a negative result can be interpreted as a failure, or value the learning that the experience holds. In one case or another the emotions will be different.