Not without feeling a certain “therapeutic zeal” I am trying to “domesticate” some techniques that, outside the clinical context and the therapist-patient relationship, are very effective when you seek to improve the quality of your conversations. But be careful, don’t rush. Although these techniques have been adapted for general use, they are part of a much more complex method of discourse analysis and intervention, which requires prior training in certain therapeutic skills related to training and clinical practice.
1. Underlining technique
It consists of repeating verbatim a word or phrase from your interlocutor’s speech that is presented in a non-conclusive manner, with the intention that he or she stops at it and verbalizes it again with more clarity and precision.
Utility: This technique is ideal when you want to decipher “encrypted” verbalizations, or when you want to make sure you have understood an idea, without predisposing and prejudging, before intervening and saying something.
Application:
Example 1: -Interlocutor: I thought it wasn’t going to happen to adults.
-You: -“I thought.”
Example 2: -Interlocutor: Maybe it’s not the best time to talk about this;
-You: “the best moment.”
Recommendation: The mention of the word or phrase should be done in a subtle tone. You can also ask it as a question. You will be surprised by the effect that “underlining” can do to trigger your interlocutor’s speech.
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2.Misunderstanding technique
It is about voluntarily choosing to “not know”, to a certain extent, what our interlocutor tells us in order to introduce him to the fact that he himself does not understand himself.
Utility: It is one of the best techniques to present to your interlocutor the halo of ambiguity of his own “saying” when it seems to be misplaced in the intention of saying something.
Application:
Example 1: -Interlocutor: We can’t continue like this. I think I need time and space.
-You: “I’m not sure I understand you.”
Example 2: -Interlocutor: I don’t know where to start. There are so many things. You understand me?;
-You: I don’t know more than what you can tell me now.
Recommendation: Don’t get carried away by your emotions. Show serenity. Don’t lose your temper no matter how uncomfortable or compromising the situation is.
3. Silence management technique
It consists of introducing silences during the conversation that explicitly denote your interlocutor who could stop to detail in depth what he or she is saying. The purpose of introducing silence is to show your interlocutor that you want to listen to him sincerely with the guarantee that you will not make any value judgment against him.
Utility: This technique is very useful when you sense that there is background content that your interlocutor finds difficult to express because it is considered intimate, very personal or secret.
Application: Introduce a silence when your interlocutor expects you to say something to match what he is saying. That is, don’t say anything, stay quiet. Even if it is obvious what you could say at that moment, just say it mentally to yourself. Accompany silence with body language or gestures. A facial gesture in which the expressiveness of your face denotes: “And what else?” It’s enough. For example, raising your eyebrows or nodding your head as a sign of “Continue…” is very effective.
Recommendation: One thing is the management of silences and another is “telepathic parapsychology”, which does not exist. No one can read anyone’s thoughts as if it were a text stuck on their forehead. Do not use this technique to validate an intuition or suspicion. Use it to sincerely listen to your interlocutor deep down.