In order to better analyze the phenomenon in its complexity, we distinguish several types of jealousy, because one can be jealous of the most diverse “objects” of love: of one’s own things, of one’s own “private” life, of one’s own partner, of anything that can be preceded by the possessive pronoun “mine.” The idea that something that is ours can be taken away is the basis of the mechanisms of jealousy. In this Psychology-Online article we will see together what are some types of jealousy: characteristics and examples.
material jealousy
Although the underlying dynamics are the same, it is different to be jealous of an object or a person. In the first case there is a desire for exclusivity for the things that belong to us and that we would not want to give up a use to others, we speak, therefore, of material jealousy. Material jealousy seems to be the most primitive, and finds its manifestation in the attachment to material goods.linked, in turn, to the satisfaction of physiological needs.
This type of jealousy is found to a greater extent in children and the elderly, precisely because in these phases of development we find mechanisms more similar to those of the animal world. There is no place for the relationship with the other, responding to a strong narcissistic need, the other only comes into play as someone who can take away something that is ours, someone to defend ourselves from, someone to fight with…
In the most serious cases, material jealousy can lead to true obsessive-compulsive behavior which leads us to put into practice a whole series of behaviors to “defend” what we consider ours.
romantic jealousy
In general, research in the psychological field, as well as literature in a broad sense, has dealt primarily with this type of jealousy: we speak, in fact, of romantic jealousy when we commonly refer to jealousy. In this case, it dominates fear of losing the other’s affectionmost of the time the exclusive affection of a person we love, and it is manifested in the more intimate affectionate relationships, where the needs for security and belonging are satisfied. At the base of this form of jealousy there seems to be:
- The conviction that the loved person belongs to us.
- The fear that someone we feel like a rival could take it away from us.
- The prediction that if this occurred, the image of the being would be greatly affected.
This leads to a kind of ambivalence towards the loved one that translates into an increase in interest and desire towards them, associated with hostilities and fear of loss. The other becomes for us an object that satisfies a need of ours and not a subject to love.
In this article we explain.
Jealousy in the family
We are referring to the jealousy that is born between brothers and sisters, between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, between mother and daughter, to the jealousy of a father at the time of the birth of a son or with respect to his own daughter. Like romantic jealousy, it is linked to the needs of security and belongingbut we can distinguish two types of family jealousy:
- horizontal jealousy. In horizontal jealousy the subjects have the same role; Examples are, between couples, between families of origin.
- Vertical jealousy. Instead, it takes place over several generations and the subjects fill different roles; In this type of jealousy the time variable is essential. Example of the vertical jealousy that occurs between generations is that of the mother-in-law regarding the daughter-in-law, seen as the one who took away her son’s affection; or the jealousy of parents regarding the youth of the children they no longer have.
Family jealousy is unleashed with particular violence because the “certainty” of the family allows the extreme release of feelings, without the limits of social control that the external environment exerts on us.
Jealousy of social confrontation
The specific characteristic of social competition jealousy is the object of desire, which is not always a person, but rather a thing, a type of success or a good social position, and is born from the fear that our position in the world run the risk of a setback. In the workplace, in sports, simply in the social sphere, When someone can be more successful than us, we lose our power. In this case, the roots that tie jealousy to envy intertwine, invading each other.
Social confrontational jealousy responds to the highest needs for self-realization and manifests itself in social relationships, in the broadest sense, up to involving the transpersonal dimension. The emergence and intensity of this type of jealousy vary depending on the importance that the individual attributes to the desired goal, the identity and the emotional value of the other competitors. In fact, social confrontational jealousy increases when:
- They primarily blame themselves for an unfavorable comparison or failure.
- The check will be considered at least partially controllable.
- It is considered that the gap in the comparison depends on conditions that are relatively stable over time and, above all, related to one’s own personality.
In this type of jealousy, it is essential defense of one’s own social image and the meaning attributed to the judgment of others.
Preventive jealousy
The next type of jealousy is preventive jealousy. Preemptive jealousy occurs when, for example, Despite having no evidence, we accuse our partner of having flirted or worse, having started an affair with a hypothetical rival. As a consequence, our attitude towards our partner will reach extremes that are difficult to manage.
For example, we could try to prevent the most common social contacts as much as possible to prevent the “danger” from materializing and the opportunities multiplying. This attitude can degenerate to the point that it is possible to see enemies or hypothetical rivals in any situation and there will be a tendency to try to control their partner’s life with excessive pressure.
Emotional or reactive jealousy
Reactive jealousy is the reaction to a specific event. It can be triggered by a real event such as a real betrayal, or it can be the figment of our imagination, wisely driven by our fear of being betrayed.
Emotional or reactive jealousy is the response to intimate and/or sexual behaviors that our partner may have with another person. It is the healthiest and most rational form of jealousy, since it is based on real events and/or problems (small or big), such as experiencing anger or sadness if we see our partner flirting with someone or if we discover that have been betrayed or if, in other words, we get angry when we catch our partner with red fish eyes looking at someone. Naturally, this reaction is all the more appropriate the more proportional it is to the events that caused it.
retrospective jealousy
Retrospective or retroactive jealousy, also known as Rebecca syndrome (inspired by the Hitchcock film, that is, Rebecca the first wife), occurs when we demonstrate a true obsession with our partner’s past. This type of jealousy has the characteristic of covering our partner’s entire past life, including, of course, romantic relationships.
When retroactive jealousy attacks us, it may happen that we see our current partner’s ex as endowed with special characteristics that we will never achieve. We could slip into the conviction that he has qualities that we do not have and, to try to stop this “special” being, we try to belittle or denigrate him at every opportunity with the intention of eliminating him from our partner’s past.
In this article, we talk in depth about .
Professional jealousy
Speaking of the types of jealousy, we must mention jealousy in the workplace. One of the common problems that can be found in the workplace is related to conflicts between colleagues or between managers and collaborators. Normally, we can talk about conflict when the relationship, the exchange between two or more people is characterized by differences in objectives and interests; That is, when one expects the other to adapt to her needs and accept her position, and neither of them wants to give in. At the root of this behavior is the need to assert oneself and see one’s own identity recognized of person, to be able to keep one’s own self-esteem unchanged and reinforced.
pathological jealousy
The feeling of jealousy becomes distorted when it is combined with obsessive ideas and attitudes. In other words, the jealous person slips into a compulsive behavior seeking evidence to support their theoriesexercising a oppressive control over the person, following them throughout their day. Pathological jealousy is present in diagnostic manuals and is classified as “delusional disorder” of which there are several types:
- obsessive jealousywhich has its origin in the feeling of being inadequate and is divided into other subcategories.
- Anxious jealousywhich causes continuous anxiety from the fear of being betrayed.
- paranoid jealousywhen the jealous person is always too suspicious.
- Separation Anxiety Jealousy, suffers who cannot accept the possibility that their relationship could end; For these people, losing their partner is equivalent to dying.
- hyperaesthetic jealousyalmost always affects men who have excessive negative reactions if the partner entertains themselves even talking to others and without any involvement.
- Post-detachment jealousyis the feeling that is born after the end of a relationship by the left partner, towards the partner who ended the relationship.
Anxious jealousy
Anxious (or cognitive) jealousy is a more mental form. That is, it develops in our head when we create images and thoughts that represent unfaithful behavior (real or imagined) from our partner, fueling anxiety, suspicion and loss of trust. If we find ourselves in the whirlwind of anxious jealousy, we are more likely to feel depressed and have low self-esteem.
possessive jealousy
Partly related to the previous one, we speak of possessive jealousy if we do great efforts to prevent the couple from having contact with people of the sex of their orientation. Like when we hate all of our partner’s friends and we get dizzy every time they go out together. These efforts can be positive in themselves or lead to problematic behaviors. In the first case, the jealous person tries to “distance” the partner from other temptations by devoting greater attention to his own appearance or by highlighting the quality – of himself or the relationship – that reinforces the pleasure of being together ( (e.g. travel more, cultivate common hobbies). In the most extreme cases, on the contrary, there may be a progressive loss of control that ranges from reading emails and messages on the smartphone of the other, to much more serious phenomena of violence or harassment, in an attempt to limit the freedom of the partner.
Jealousy…