During childhood, the figure of parents is very important and vital for children. Throughout the different stages of development, they need to receive support, affection and protection from their parents, since they are the people closest to them, both physically and emotionally.
However, it may happen that parents are not available to them emotionally, that is, they do not know or do not want to meet the affection needs that their sons and daughters demand of them. In this case, we would be talking about fathers and/or mothers who are absent during the process of raising their children, and that they have suffered a lack of family affection. This absence can cause different consequences in the children, many of them serious, that can affect their future, the way they relate to the world and other people and could even determine their behaviors as parents and/or or mothers.
In this Psychology-Online article, we will explain The reason for the lack of family affection, its consequences and how to overcome it.
Causes of lack of affection from fathers/mothers to children
There are different explanations as to why there are certain fathers and mothers who do not show signs of affection to their sons and daughters. Below, we will show you some of these reasons:
- in them: having a negative view of yourself and being incapable of loving yourself can cause many difficulties in loving or showing love to other people, in this case, your children. In addition, these tend to be a great source of frustration for parents.
- Perception of children as a burden: They consider that the process of raising children and babies entails many responsibilities and a very important and heavy workload, which causes them to ignore these responsibilities or not cover all their needs, such as those for affection.
- Similar family history: Often, when fathers/mothers react this way it is because during their childhood they did not receive signs of affection and affection from their parents. In this way, this relationship pattern and these dynamics tend to be repeated from generation to generation if there is no awareness of this problem and a will to change.
- Problematic and disruptive behaviors in children: they mean that, depending on the tools that parents have to manage and cope with these behaviors, they can affect the way they relate to each other, with a lack of affection in some cases.
Consequences of lack of paternal or maternal love
As mentioned above, the consequences of a lack of family affection can be different, some very serious and with great effects on the person’s life, sometimes causing the development of maturation disorders, such as , which It appears when there is a lack of emotional stimulation.
Next, we will detail some of the possible consequences of lack of family affection:
- : the fact of not having had healthy close relationships, who have not been able to empathize with you or have interest in you, can cause you, in the future, to have difficulties when it comes to putting yourself in the other’s shoes and feeling or identifying the emotions and the needs of those around you.
- False perception of what affection is: since these people have not lived or experienced correct and healthy displays of love and affection, they consider any type of relationship as love and may interpret violent or sexual situations as normal.
- Difficulties expressing and controlling your emotions: the task of parents of teaching them to identify, manage and correctly express their children’s emotions is very important since, if work is not done or given the importance it deserves, children can externalize different problems and disruptive behaviors in the future.
- Inappropriate reactions to conflict: Not having been taught how to react in the best way to a conflict or problem means that, in the future, these people tend not to know how to face or solve a problem. It is for this reason that they often adopt childish and unadaptive behaviors for their age.
- Isolation behaviors: They may have these behaviors often since, having received little affection and situations of rejection, the reaction of isolating themselves from this situation causes them fewer repercussions and they enter a world that is outside of what is happening in reality.
- Low self-esteem: since they are children who from their earliest ages have not received affection or constant and healthy love, it directly and negatively affects their self-esteem. These people may come to think that, in the future, they will never be able to receive love nor that there will be anyone who will love them.
- : Attention is one of the first characteristics of people who are affected by a problem or personal conflict. The fact of not receiving affection or love from parents or any of their members can negatively influence attention, causing different difficulties in this process.
- General distrust: not having had a close person to trust during childhood can cause the person to have difficulties trusting other people and even himself/herself. It is for this reason that this distrust can trigger problems in interacting with other people in the future.
- Lack of social skills: since the interactions and relationship dynamics between parents and children are often damaged and tend to be negative, children may have difficulties understanding social relationships and putting them into practice, since it is what they have seen and what they have been taught since they were little.
- Fear of abandonment: not having had a healthy attachment during their childhood, where they have felt safe and confident that their parents will not leave them, the fear of being abandoned in the future by their partners, friends, family, etc. may appear.
- : As there is a low basic self-esteem, these people will tend to not value themselves enough and not be fully capable of facing the challenges that life poses to them, for fear of criticism, feeling rejected and failing.
How to overcome the lack of affection from a mother or father
Below, we propose different recommendations to overcome the lack of paternal or maternal love:
- Don’t blame them: Even though you believe that they have had and must take full responsibility for their actions during the parenting process, we should not blame them. We have to think that they have done everything they could and, surely, they have done it to the best of their abilities, since they have not experienced nor been taught how to parent in a healthier or healthier way.
- Put it on your side: to overcome and heal the wounds that this situation has left you, you have to make an effort, that is, you already know what your parents are like and their relationship dynamics and it is very unlikely that these will vary over time, therefore, put practice small acts to maintain contact and to have a better relationship.
- Think about how you want to be in the future: Being clear about how you want to educate your children and what values you want to transmit to them is a good way to overcome the consequences that a lack of love has caused. Not wanting to follow the same patterns that your parents followed with you, when you have a son or daughter, is a very big step towards better well-being and personal satisfaction.
- Talk to them assertively: so that they see and can learn that there are other types and methods of communication that are healthier, more comfortable and involve less conflict.
- Contact a psychology professional: If you think you need a little more help with this issue, do not hesitate to contact a health professional, preferably psychology, to help you have more tools to overcome this situation.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Contreras, GC (2010). The intrafamilial emotional lack in boys and girls from five to ten years old. Predoctoral thesis. University of Cuenca.