When infidelity occurs, we normally worry about the feelings of the victim, but it can also be a hard process for the person who committed the infidelity. At Psychology-Online we want to explain to you What feelings does a person who has been unfaithful experience?.
What does a person feel after infidelity?
What a person feels after infidelity It will depend on the type of person, their values and beliefs. and the type of infidelity he has committed.
Thus, for example, a person who until then considered himself faithful and who asks for fidelity from his partner, after committing infidelity may feel regret and guilt. And yet he can repeat that act on more occasions.
Likewise there are people who do not feel guilt. And those same people can feel guilt when they care more about the person they’re cheating on.
As we can see, there are no specific feelings for all unfaithful people just after committing infidelity, but below we are going to see some feelings or emotions that unfaithful people can experience.
How a cheater feels
The feelings experienced by a person who has cheated on their partner are:
1. Anxiety
Recurrent thoughts appear about the infidelity that has been committed or is being committed, which causes anxiety in the unfaithful person. The consequences of his actions appear in his mind: accusation, trial and social and family rejection, loss of partner and family, etc.
2. Guilt or remorse of conscience
There are studies that show that 60% of unfaithful people do not feel guilty when he practices infidelity. Except if the deception occurs in specific circumstances, such as when their partner is hospitalized, when infidelity occurs in the couple’s bed or when they feel more attracted to their lover than to their partner. Other circumstances in which guilt usually appears are when there is a pregnancy or your partner is currently taking care of their common children.
Guilt does usually appear when infidelity is discovered due to the emotional damage it has on the couple (pain, disappointment, betrayal…) and on the relationship (distancing, arguments, loss of trust and complicity…).
3. Fear of being discovered
The unfaithful person usually lives in constant fear of being discovered. This can affect your mental health and often causes irritability.
4. Tension
Living constantly in fear of being discovered produces a situation of stress in the unfaithful.
5. Indecision
When infidelity is more of an adventure than a specific moment, the cheater begins to feel indecisive between his partner and his lover.
6. Sadness
One of the feelings that a person who has been unfaithful experiences is sadness, which can appear associated with the feeling of guilt for the infidelity.
7. Frustration
By keeping their infidelity a secret, the unfaithful person may feel frustrated by not being able to make certain plans with their lover so as not to be seen. He also feels frustrated that he cannot tell how he feels about his infidelity because of the danger it entails.
8. Increased self-esteem
Not all the emotions of unfaithful people are negative; if that were the case, there would probably be no infidelity. Among the pleasant emotions and feelings that the unfaithful person experiences is the apparent increase in self-esteem or self-confidence. The unfaithful you feel loved and admired by your lover. In addition, she begins to care more about his physical appearance and takes care of her appearance.
9. Illusion
The encounters with his lover and his clandestine relationship make the unfaithful person feel new hopes in his life.
10. Energy
All positive emotions are associated with an increase in energy. He feels less tired and even though he is very busy he manages to make time for his lover.
What does a cheater feel when he is discovered and how does he act?
The first feeling of a cheater after being discovered is usually a mixture of fear and relief. Although it may seem strange to have mentioned relief, it often happens that after being under so much stress, being discovered makes you feel relieved.
In most cases, the person who has betrayed their partner still trying to hide his deception, which usually makes the situation worse and provokes anger in your partner. If you feel identified with this situation, you can read the following article: .
When there is no choice, he recognizes his betrayal and that is when guilt may appear, as I mentioned previously when being able to see the damage he has caused to his partner.
Next comes the perhaps hardest or most feared phase of the unfaithful: social judgment and disappointment to loved ones. The cheater begins to experience the consequences of his infidelity and sees that they go far beyond the couple: his behavior is exposed and he will most likely be condemned. The cheater eventually becomes the victim.
Is it normal not to feel guilty after infidelity?
Yes it’s normal. Besides, is frequent for this to happen. It all depends on the type of person, his values and his beliefs.
When someone has rigid, absolute and erroneous beliefs He usually blames others or the world for his actions. This is why the cheater can justify her infidelity and therefore not feel the slightest bit of guilt.
It can also happen when the infidelity has been revenge for infidelity or some other previous harm from your partner.
The moral norms associated with different cultures or different times can also justify that the unfaithful person does not feel guilt. For example, in cultures where polygamy is allowed explicitly or implicitly. It was common a few years ago to hear women justifying their husbands’ infidelities by “natural condition.”
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This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Canto Ortiz, JM, García Leiva, P., & Gómez Jacinto, L. (2009). Jealousy and emotions: Factors of the couple’s relationship in the reaction to infidelity. Athenea digital: magazine of thought and social research(15), 039-55.
- Riso, W. (2015). Practical guide to confront a partner’s infidelity. Phronesis