You have fallen in love with her and she doesn’t even know you exist. You love her, but she just wants to be your friend. You think you would be a perfect couple, but it doesn’t even occur to her that you could be together. Because? Why doesn’t she love me? At Psychology-Online we provide you with the psychological explanation to that question. Keep reading!
Why doesn’t he want me as a partner?
Sometimes we come across the situation that we like a person, and it is not reciprocal. We fantasize about going out with her, we get closer, we become her friend, we gain her trust and we take the plunge. And zasca. Or we ask him to leave it… And silence. Or a resounding no. The thing is that He doesn’t want us as a couple and the explanation he gives us at the moment seems improvised, an excuse… The reality is that it is very unlikely that it is a thoughtful explanation. Most people don’t have the time or thought to think about why they don’t want to be with another person as a couple. But that doesn’t mean the feeling is any less valid. The reasons why this feeling exists can be many and varied:
- Differences ideological, political, ways of seeing life, etc.
- Incompatibilities from day to day, little things that you have realized that as a couple you could not stand.
- Lack of things in commonsame interests, hobbies, etc.
- Different life goals (e.g.: one wants to live in another country and the other doesn’t, etc.)
These four previous ones are included in the lack of cognitive consistency. People try to maintain coherence between our beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Therefore, from this perspective, we will want a partner who has the same ideas and hobbies as us.
- Lack of attractionchemistry.
- Incompatible personalities. Some studies have shown that the traits most valued in people are grouped into two sets: affection (affectionate, friendly, considerate, etc.) and competence, which includes social skills and intelligence.
- A combination of the above.
The most important thing is that none of those reasons make you a less valid person or less deserving of being in a relationship. It can be easy to fall into self-destructive explanations that undermine your self-esteem as to why he doesn’t want to be with you, but nothing could be further from the truth, or he simply wouldn’t have approached you from the first moment. The best thing, if you have these types of thoughts, is to let some time pass and then ask if there is any special reason why he doesn’t want to be with you.
He doesn’t want to be with me, but he’s looking for me, why?
He may not love you as a partner but he appreciates you for other forms of relationships, such as friendship or sexual. It is not necessary to be in love or love a person to find them attractive, interesting or even to want to sleep with them.
Also, just because he doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it just means he doesn’t love you romantically. But friendship is an equally valid form of lovealthough we have been made to believe that the only way to truly love is in a relationship.
What to do when she doesn’t love you
What can we do when the person we like doesn’t love us? First think about what you are really looking for and whether you really love him or not. Consider why you want to be with her. This question is important because there are a series of factors that have nothing to do with love that can push us to want to be with someone. Let’s look at some examples:
- The fear of loneliness. In reality, you want to be with that person because you don’t know how to be alone or because you are afraid of being alone, and in this case, it is best to have a few sessions with a psychologist to help you deal with this issue before embarking on a relationship. Here you can read.
- Fall in love. This case is quite likely, especially if you have known the person for a relatively short time. With the hormonal cascade that causes falling in love, it is easy to confuse it with love. , and when it happens, true love is seen, or not. You don’t choose who you fall in love with, but you choose who you end up loving, so, even though it’s hard, if yours is a capricious infatuation and she doesn’t want to be with you, it’s best to let it be before causing you more harm unnecessarily.
- sexual attraction. You may only want to be with her because you are sexually attracted to her, and you mix it with love for various reasons, such as the hormonal rush she gives you, falling in love or the fear of being alone, or because in the culture in which we live, sex and love are closely associated. In this case, loving you is not an essential requirement to be with her. You don’t need him to be aware of you or anything that you can associate with the condition of “loving”. Be honest and establish the relationship that you both want.
If you really love him, the only thing you can do is reveal your feelings to him so he knows, if you like. But if she doesn’t love you, and she has told you so, and you know it, she is already there. Do not insist. The world is full of wonderful people to love, and there are many ways to love and love. You can find someone else who loves you the same way you love her., or not. Not being loved romantically or not having a romantic relationship is not a sign of failure, nor that you are not worthy of being loved. They can love you in many ways and your life can continue to be full.
She does not love you. You do. It’s like a stab, but The world is not ending.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why she doesn’t love me: psychological explanationwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Landa, SU, Rovira, DP, & Zubieta, EM (2005). Chapter 15. Intimate relationships: attraction, love and culture. in Social psychology, culture and education.