Parents usually expect their children to be able to integrate into different groups of children of approximately the same age, whether at school or in extracurricular activities, and that thanks to this ease of integration they can have many friends. But sometimes what is expected does not happen, since there are children who have difficulties relating to other children their age, and this causes them anguish and feelings of loneliness. We talk about it in this Psychology-Online article: Why doesn’t my son have friends?.
My son doesn’t have friends at school
Human beings, from the moment we are born until we die, are considered social beings by nature. For this reason, not having friends in childhood or having difficulties relating and making friends usually causes emotional damage in children, such as, for example, feeling of being rejected, feeling of loneliness, deterioration of the maturity process, family problems, depression or depressed mood, low self-esteem, violent behavior, among others. Therefore, having a good friendship circle makes it possible to have greater emotional balance, promotes personal development, helps manage stress, improves self-esteem, etc.
Why doesn’t my son have friends?
In this article we want to answer the question: why doesn’t my son have friends? that many fathers and mothers ask. There are different possible reasons why a child does not have friends:
Bullying or bullying
First of all, one of the reasons why a child does not have friends is . It’s about a physical and/or psychological harassment to which the child is subjected by his peers, a fact that causes them to feel rejected and develop fear and/or insecurity to make friends with other people unrelated to that harassment. For example, if the child is bullied at school and, after a while, moves to another city and goes to another school, the child may be afraid and insecure when it comes to establishing friendships with his new classmates. due to not wanting to relive the bad experience at their previous school.
Behaviors that cause rejection
Secondly, a child may be rejected by his peers, leading to a lack of friendships, for presenting inappropriate behaviors such as the following:
- Hostility and aggressiveness: refers to acting violently towards other people or living beings. When a child acts this way it can cause his peers to distance themselves from him.
- Dominant personality: These are those people who are dominant and authoritarian over others, as if they were a leader. People with this type of personality, on many occasions, can harm others, due to their aggressive way of expressing themselves and determining what they want. So it is possible that other children distance themselves from or reject the child with a dominant personality. Furthermore, among children, it is common for children with this type of personality to be called “bossy,” since they always want what they say to be done, hence the authority and dominance that we have mentioned before.
- Accuse or defraud: Children who constantly accuse their peers or disappoint them due to their actions or words may be rejected by their peers.
- Bad habits: on some occasions, the child may be rejected by his peers due to habits that cause annoyance and offend others, such as, for example, if the child turns out to be jealous of others and always lets them know with offensive comments, if the child A child tends to complain a lot about unimportant things, if he always wants to be the center of attention and acts in a ridiculous and annoying way, or when he is unable to accept constructive criticism. There may come a time when the other children get tired of his repetitive offensive acts and reject him.
Lack of social skills
Thirdly, the lack of social skills can also play a trick when it comes to interacting with others to try to establish friendships. Some of these social skills that make it difficult are:
- Shyness or shame: It is a sensation that causes the child to be unable or have difficulties in starting conversations, facing new situations, and relating to others.
- Lack of empathy and lack of sensitivity: People with a lack of empathy and sensitivity are people incapable of putting themselves in the shoes of others, that is, they are incapable of feeling compassion and pity for others. For this reason, other children may reject the company of children lacking these social skills, since by not having compassion for others, they can very easily hurt the feelings of other children. Here you can see.
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Unsafety: Sometimes, children appear insecure and unable to make new friends, whether due to shame, shyness or fear. They do not see themselves capable of approaching other children to establish a conversation or interact with others and, therefore, they prefer not to try. Here you can see.
The new technologies
Fourthly, the acceleration of society and history implies a great growth in new technologies, a fact that can cause children to withdraw more into themselves and have no interest in physically interacting with other children.
Psychological trastorn
Finally, the fact of suffering from a psychological disorder can also be one of the reasons why a child does not have friends, either due to the stigmatization of the disorder, or because one of the symptoms that characterizes the disorder is linked to persistent deficiencies in social communication, as for example could be the case of .
How to help your child make friends
How to help your child make friends? It depends on the reason. That is, depending on the reasons why your child does not have friends, he or she should be helped in one way or another. Below we will mention some recommendations for each case:
In relation to , it is common for children to make comments or give signs to try to tell us that they are being bullied at school, for example, “everyone bothers me,” “my friends don’t want to play with me,” “no one wants to do work with me.” , “in the yard they leave me alone and don’t want to play with me”, etc. How can you help your child in this situation? Normally, what is recommended in these cases is communicate the situation to the school. Both the child’s guardian and the director have the duty to ensure the well-being of their students at school, therefore, they must attend to situations that prevent this. If the school ignores the parents’ communication, you can report it to the center itself. Furthermore, if necessary, a specialist can be counted on to help the child with low self-esteem, emotional exhaustion and other aspects caused by bullying.
Regarding the inappropriate behaviors and lack of social skills mentioned above, there are a series of recommendations for parents:
- Help your children realize of their attitudes and their repercussions, both the negative ones and the difficulties caused by the lack of social skills.
- Inform the school of their children’s situation so that they take into account how to treat them, for example, if a child is very embarrassing, the teacher should propose activities that involve talking to their classmates.
- If it is considered necessary, go to an external professional to school that can help children control their actions and attitudes.
In reference to the individualism caused by the growth of new technologies, how can you help your child make friends? Parents are recommended limit the time spent on new technologieswho suggest that their children do activities that involve leaving the house and interacting with other children (for example, going to the park), among others.
Finally, in relation to mental disorders, helping your child make friends is crucial go to a specialist and keep the school informed, to be able to carry out networking that allows the child to be cared for in different areas of their life. Here we explain.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Fuentes Rebollo, MJ, & Melero Zabal, M. (1992). Childhood friendships: development, functions and intervention guidelines at school. Research in School Magazine, 16, 55-67.
- Orozco, CM, Llanos, RA, & García, OS (2003). Social networks: childhood, family and community. Northern University.