There are family situations in which the son blames his mother for everything, making her responsible for everything bad that happens in his personal or family life. This situation is in itself anomalous, so if it occurs, a solution to the problem must be sought as soon as possible so that the situation does not intensify and/or become chronic.
In the following Psychology-Online article titled “Why my son blames me for everything and what to do“?”, we will talk about this topic, exposing some of the possible causes that can cause this situation, the unpleasant relational environment that is created and we will offer a small process through which we can try to stop and reverse this situation to create new fraternal ties between mother and son.
Why does my son blame me for everything?
To understand the deep reasons why a son blames his mother for everything, it will be necessary to carry out a detailed analysis of our son’s life, taking into account, mainly, the type of relationship that the mother has established with him and how this relationship is developed. has conceived and developed.
Unresolved experience
It usually happens that in the face of continued negative behaviors of our children exists a specific origin in your past life experience.
At a certain point in his past (or during some period of time) some events occurred that were not resolved satisfactorily for our son so that a certain disappointment, resentment, etc. was established within him. that, depending on the severity of the experiences that occurred, will be generalized to a greater or lesser extent in the child’s relationship with the person who did not “adequately” resolve said situation, in this case his mother.
Mother’s victimizing behavior
Another important aspect that can decisively influence whether a child adopts the behavior of blaming his mother for everything is that she has a weak and vulnerable personality, that she acts as a victim, that she lacks emotional strength, etc.
In these cases, it will be this behavior of the mother that ends up causing this behavior in her son, reflecting the anger that her son feels towards a mother who is not capable of taking care of herself. It is in this way how the son’s behavior can serve as a mirror for the mother since the son shows the mother’s unconscious thinking of no personal worth and feeling guilty about everything.
Need for assertive education
A third reason why this situation may arise in which a son blames his mother for everything, and which is closely related to the point we just mentioned, is that the mother does not have the sobriety to educate with assertiveness to his son.
In these cases, it usually happens that the mother does not clarify the situations that are being experienced, often taking responsibility for consequences that are due to her child’s behavior. Failure to help him in this attempt to overprotect him may end up causing the aforementioned behavior.
To help you in this regard, we advise you to read our article on .
When a son blames his mother for everything
When a son blames his mother for everything, the son remains in a constant state of complaint and attacking behavior towards his mother. For her, on the other hand, the situation can become unbearable if she does not assertively get the necessary clarifications.
This situation can occur in different degrees and levels and can range from blaming the mother for certain types of situations or, taken to the extreme, blaming the mother for each and every act she performs. In all cases, especially those that go to unsustainable extremes to guarantee good family coexistence, it will be necessary the intervention of third parties (family, friends or professionals).
These people will be able to act with the sobriety that the mother is not able to show at that moment, which can help to conveniently restore the positions that each of them must occupy within the family with .
What to do when my son blames me for everything
Below we are going to offer 5 tips so that mothers who find themselves in this situation can address it and redirect it in a favorable way for both themselves and their children. In reality it would be five steps of a process that will create a new, positive and cordial relationship between them.
- Become aware: to begin with, it will be necessary for the mother to become aware of the situation. That she recognizes what is happening and that she sees the irrationality of her son’s behavior.
- Analyze the situations: Secondly, we will proceed to analyze in which specific situations or behaviors the son blames the mother. Once the situations have been recorded, the possible causes that provoke this behavior in the son due to certain actions of his mother will be investigated.
- Identify the causes: once the possible causes have been collected, we will try to talk with the child to try to get him to name the specific causes, which have generally remained unconscious until now.
- Dialogue with the infant: when he/she himself/herself can become aware that certain discomforts are causing him/her to attack his/her mother, he/she will be shown the irrationality of his/her behavior and how it is causing great pain in his/her mother.
- Establish a new operation: from this moment on, mother and child will try to create a new relational functioning based on the needs of both people and on the use of assertive, empathetic and respectful behaviors that allow them to live together in a favorable and satisfactory manner, thus establishing new ties and links between them.
Now that we have answered your question “Why does my child blame me for everything and what to do?”, if you are still interested in establishing a good relationship with your child, we recommend reading our article.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Castañeda, M. (2019) My mom is to blame. Planeta Editorial. Recovered from https://books.google.es/books?id=j9KcDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=la+culpa+en+madres&hl=es&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=la%20culpa%20en%20madres&f=false