People are totally different from each other, so it is most likely that we will encounter situations in which others cannot fully understand what happens to us or what we feel, or they do not do it as we would like them to. This unpleasant feeling of incomprehension increases when the person we want to understand us is our partner, since in those cases the feeling of incomprehension can bring out other feelings such as disappointment, anger or frustration.
Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article, we will explain why your partner doesn’t understand you and what to do in this situation. We tell you the consequences of the feeling of incomprehension in the couple and what may be the reasons that lead us to that.
Do you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you? There can be many reasons why your partner doesn’t understand you, depending on the situation, the stage of the couple, the moment, and the people involved. Despite this ambiguity, the most prominent reasons are usually the ones you will see below.
Language of love
You and your partner may not understand each other in some ways if you use the expression of your affection in different ways. Gary Chapman defines 5 love languages to show and receive affection according to different modal preferences, set out below:
- Words: We express affection by verbalizing words of encouragement, support, affection, congratulations, praise, kindness or humility towards others. They are words that are sometimes said without thinking and have a very positive effect on the other person, increasing their security and well-being.
- Quality time: enjoy time by sharing it with the person you love, listening to them and being listened to, without rushing or other distractions.
- Gifts and details: the person who is working on making or getting a gift enjoys it from the moment they have the idea until after they have given it, without waiting for anything more than your smile. It may be because it is handmade, or for the simple fact that they thought of you and your partner when giving the gift.
- Acts of service: performing favors or services on one’s own initiative and generating satisfaction in the person who performs them for the simple fact of performing them. These acts include cooking, traveling to a distant place, or taking care of certain tasks, etc.
- Physical contact: For some people, physical contact is their main language, since it makes them feel safe and happy and without this language they do not feel loved. Within physical contact we can find kisses, caresses, hugs or sexual acts. In this article you will find information about the .
Communication
On other occasions it may be that the lack of understanding with your partner is due to a lack of communication between both and for taking for granted how things should be done in the relationship or other aspects that are related.
In general, we have a tendency to believe that others will act, think and feel the same way as us, however, this is not the case. For this reason, everything that we do not explicitly communicate will be subject to the other person’s interpretation, which on more than one occasion can lead to errors and disappointments.
Growing up in different environments
Growing up in different environments and the time in which you grew up can generate big differences in the coupleeven being culturally equal.
Likewise, although this does not have to constitute an insurmountable problem in relationships, it is important to keep in mind that one of the reasons why you do not understand each other may be a consequence of the fact that the references you use to evaluate your experiences are different.
The consequences of your partner’s lack of understanding may vary depending on your interpretation of this fact or the topic or area in which he or she is not understanding you. However, the most likely consequence of a lack of understanding in the relationship will be generation of a conflict between both.
It is possible that if your partner does not understand you, you will feel misunderstood and you may even feel disappointed if you expected that person to understand you and they are not doing so, which in turn can lead to .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.