There are objectives that when we set them depend mainly on us. However, there are other goals that are more complex because they imply a degree of reciprocity. This is the case, for example, with friendship. The desire to have friends and meet new people is very common in people of different ages. For this same reason, when someone feels some limit around this issue, they question what could be the reason why they are not able to establish new friendships.
Why do I have a hard time making friends? At Psychology-Online, we answer this question and encourage you to enjoy this goal as a process and not as an end in itself.
Not having friends: causes according to psychology
There are different reasons why you may find yourself in this situation:
1. Little social life
When a human being’s personal routine is reduced to the predictable framework of going home from work, then it is difficult to meet interesting people because when this is your situation you do not give yourself the opportunity to go outside your comfort zone. It is true that there are currently very practical pages for meeting new friends online. However, even in that case it is important to dedicate time and consider the possibility of making an in-person plan at some point. If this is the reason why you are having trouble making new friends, then make some changes to your schedule to integrate new plans.
2. Age
When a person remembers their life history in relation to friendship, they can observe how the stages of school, high school, and university are defined by greater flexibility to invest time in friendship. However, the leap to adulthood is conditioned by incompatible schedules. After 30, you may need to give yourself more time to meet new people and consolidate new relationships since at this time you do not meet as many new people as in the first year of your degree, for example.
3. Shyness
Each person must know themselves to make new friends. Shy people should respect their own pace in making new relationships without comparing themselves to the abilities of someone who positions themselves as the leader of the group. As a consequence of the , the person may take longer to show themselves to others. Therefore, if the time conditions do not exist to meet that group on more occasions, it is possible that these ties will not evolve beyond camaraderie.
4. Selfishness
A form of selfishness visible in friendship is time. Those people who they don’t spend time regularly to a bond, people who appear and disappear without giving further explanations, then they have difficulty building stable bonds because this attitude alienates others. It can also happen that if other people invite you to plans but you always reject them, making excuses and justifications, then there will come a time when they stop counting on you because they do not notice interest on your part.
5. Relationship
Some people live a love life in which practically all their free time revolves around that relationship. Thus, when this does not leave room for friendship, it is very difficult for the person to build new interpersonal encounters with interesting people. This fact is visible when the breakup occurs and, then, the person affected suffers from not having a partner and also from the lack of friends.
There are few real friends
And yet, beyond the limits that we can all experience in this personal desire to meet new people and make friends, in reality, when the word friendship represents its deep and true meaningSo, you can understand that really, making friends is something that is difficult because a bond does not grow and evolve in a day. The concept of friendship has been somewhat distorted when it is used quantitatively when describing the number of friendships that accompanies a profile on a social network.
However, friendship marked by qualitative difference, that which is born from conversations, sincerity, coexistence and the complicity of everyday life, is a friendship that emerges gradually. Otherwise, you run the risk of identifying as friends people with whom you have a bond of companionship or acquaintances with whom you have some type of affinity. These relationships, over time, may lead to friendship. However, it is advisable not to call friends those who are not friends yet. Otherwise, you risk being disappointed because you have placed excessive expectations on the relationship.
How to make real new friends
If you find it difficult to make new friends, these tips can help you gain self-confidence:
- Do not obsess with this topic but try to be attentive to those opportunities that arise along the way. He tries to relax you because the bonds flow better when you do.
- Value what you can contribute to your future friends. When you position yourself in expectation of receiving, you can project an impatience that alienates others. On the contrary, when you value yourself and are aware of your qualities and talents, then you assume a suitable position to make new friends. It is the attitude that is reflected in this scheme: “I am fine, you are fine.”
- The power of mediation. If someone in your environment introduces you to a friend with whom they think you can connect, then this common person can be a point of support for both of you in organizing the first plans.
- Makes activities that you like because around the courses associated with those subjects you have new possibilities of meeting interesting people who also share your same hobby. However, remember that this does not always happen when you want it but, in fact, coincidences arise at the most unexpected moment. Friendship is a natural consequence of living, therefore, trust that your actions will at some point bear fruit.
- Focus on those qualities that give you security instead of putting your attention on those limits that make you insecure. Give space to the other. If you fill all their gaps through your initiatives, phone calls and search for communication, then you do not let the friendship consolidate because this is an issue of two.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Why do I have a hard time making friends?we recommend that you enter our category.