Anger often manifests itself when we feel upset and irritated, when we perceive that we are losing control of what is happening and we cannot “turn off” these sensations that produce high levels of discomfort and anguish. This emotion usually comes from feelings that are difficult to expresssuch as fear, anxiety, shame, perception of threats, hopelessness and helplessness.
Because your partner can’t see the cause of your anger, he or she may react defensively. The result can lead to a spiral of misunderstandings and conflict. Next, we present several scenarios that can help you detect if you feel anger towards your partner:
- Your partner complains a lot: one of the first signs with which you can begin to ask yourself this question is when your partner lets you know, whether by complaining about some attitude of yours, noticing distance, because of some misinterpreted word, because you have raised the tone of your voice, etc. . In this situation, a common reaction is. It is important to ask yourself if you have really acted in a way that has hurt your partner (and take responsibility) or, if this is not the case, and your partner is upset about some other issue that should be clarified.
- You have displays of anger: Expressing anger non-assertively in the form of angry outbursts is an unhealthy way to relieve stress. Additionally, the way anger manifests will affect your partner and the relationship, depending on the frequency and intensity. You must keep in mind that feeling anger or rage is normal, but there are certain limits that cannot be crossed, such as insulting, belittling, threatening, etc.
- You are upset with your partner: Anger and resentment in romantic relationships are often attributions of blame, assuming that your partner has behaved unfairly. If you feel “my partner makes me angry”, you are alert, indignant or angry, it is very possible that your partner has done something that has bothered you. Are there habits or behaviors of theirs that you find unpleasant? Ask yourself honestly if there is anything your partner has done that may have irritated you.
- You feel like he doesn’t understand you: When you perceive that you are not taken into account or that you do not feel listened to, you may become upset with your partner, especially if he or she does not support you in important aspects of your life. People often begin romantic relationships with high levels of empathy and kindness, but when they decline, resentment and anger arise. In this article we give you the best ones.
- It’s a recurring pattern: Anger may be due to certain relational patterns that have never been faced or resolved. It is useful to ask yourself if this pattern has appeared in your relationships. When you start to create a deep bond, is your first reaction anger or anger? It could be that you project unhealed past wounds into your relationship, in which you developed the belief that love is dangerous. To resolve this dilemma, it is important that you differentiate your past hurts from your current relationship and your role in the current problem.
Understanding why you feel anger toward your partner will depend on what exactly it is, but in general, resentment indicates that there is some unresolved problem. Below, we explain the most common causes of feeling anger.
Transfer concerns to your partner
When in doubt about why I feel so much anger towards my partner, you should make sure that the problem really has to do with your partner or is related to another person. Sometimes you may simply be going through a difficult time with your family or feeling stuck at work.
Maybe you are in a bad mood and feel more irritable because you have had an argument with a friend or family member that still worries you, and you you are transferring that discomfort to your partner. Maybe you don’t really want to be in a relationship, so you’re looking for an argument to leave him.
Specific circumstances that triggered the anger
Why am I angry at my boyfriend? A good way to draw conclusions about the anger you feel is to think How long did your partner’s behavior affect you?. For example, you might be upset for ten minutes if your partner is late, but it could take months to get over an infidelity.
Another way to address the anger you feel is to imagine yourself outside the situation and ask yourself how you would react if someone sought your unbiased opinion.
Have low self-esteem
You may be experiencing circumstances that are difficult to deal with. Low self-esteem can undermine your self-confidence and even provoke outbursts of anger.
If this is the case for you, you need to address the entire problem rather than just the trigger. Working on your self-esteem not only benefits you, but it helps your partner see where you’re coming from and makes them less likely to dismiss your anger as an overreaction. In this article you will find information about.
Have anxiety and/or stress
You are more likely to feel anger towards your partner when you are going through a situation that causes you anxiety and/or stress. What to do when I am angry with my partner? Give yourself time to feel and let these emotions pass when you are upset. Talk to your partner when the intensity subsides. In these situations you must remember why you appreciate your partner despite the emotionality of the moment.
There is a problem in the relationship
If you are regularly bothered by trivial things that you don’t even consider important, that could point to a bigger problem in the relationship. For example, maybe you get angry because your partner is always late because you feel that deep down he or she places little priority on your time together. In this situation, it is important recognize and address the problem major.
So, what to do when I have anger with my partner? If you want to know how to act in these situations, don’t miss the following tips:
1. Learn to recognize anger
It is important to recognize the different forms of anger and the behaviors that normally accompany it. See how anger affects you and your partner. Being able to identify your feelings will help you convey them with empathy and in a kinder tone to your partner.
Look for the reason for your anger, without judging, and with an open mind. You don’t have to figure it out right away, but at least spend some time thinking about it to get an idea. Be aware of why you are angry It is the first step to be able to address it constructively.
2. Don’t ignore him/her
How to overcome resentment towards your partner? Suppressing emotions can cause physical and emotional health problems. On the contrary, if you pay attention to your feelings and try to understand what is causing them, you will be able to identify effective ways to manage them and promote your well-being.
Ignore the anger alone will make things worsesince the problem will not be resolved and, in the event of any circumstance that bothers you, you will be prone to exploding.
3. Be assertive
Assertive communication involves express feelings and thoughts firmly, both positive and negative, and be open to listening to your partner’s position. If you are angry, this emotional state does not have to lead to an outburst of anger.
Expressing your anger through assertive communication is much more productive, since your partner will be able to understand you better and you will not damage the relationship. In this article, we tell you.
4. Learn to argue better
It’s not about avoiding controversial topics or keeping quiet about what bothers you. Although it is unpleasant to have an argument with your partner, it is natural and inevitable in all relationships. Resist the urge to throw in the towel at the first argument or to “get over it.” Instead, learn to argue.
Running away or imposing your arguments will not help you have a healthy relationship. In the process of learning to argue, Keep in mind that each one of you has different needs.. You may need to talk to your partner as soon as possible to calm your distress, and your partner may need time to de-escalate and reconnect with you.
In order to calm the anger towards your partner and to produce an effective reconciliation, on the one hand, the person who has caused the damage must accept the time that the other person needs to manage their pain and carry out acts of reparation. On the other hand, the injured person has to be open to forgive.
5. Give yourself some time to wait or rest
How to stop feeling angry towards a person? When you are angry, you are more likely to act emotionally than rationally. A distorted view of the situation can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations and hasty conclusions.
Don’t look for a solution to a conflict when you’re angry., stressed or irritable. When you can’t have a productive conversation and actively listen to your partner, it’s best to take a time-out or break. This period is vital for processing feelings of anger and resentment. You need time to heal the wound and take care of yourself to resolve the conflict.
6. Take responsibility when you make mistakes
Raising your voice, yelling, belittling or insulting are dysfunctional ways of managing a problem. Although your emotions, including rage and anger, are valid, these behaviors are not and are in no way justified.
If you make a mistake and have an outburst of anger, take responsibility for your actionsince you will have hurt your partner. Offer a sincere apology and reflect on the best way to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. Actively take actions to repair the damage you may have caused to your partner. If it is something that happens to you regularly, seek professional help. In this article you will find some tips on .
7. Use techniques to calm yourself
It’s not about never getting angry, but about knowing how to deal with anger when it arises. Of course, there will be moments and situations that upset you. In these cases, make sure you have calmed down enough to be able to maintain control and not lose form.
To stop feeling angry towards your partner, you can write a list of strategies to manage it, such as exercising, taking a relaxing bath, solving a puzzle, reading a few chapters of a book, writing a couple of pages in a diary, etc.
8. Build trust in the relationship
It is normal to have disagreements with your partner, but they don’t have to go beyond that, otherwise you will lose sight of the commitment in your relationship. The problems and conflicts can be resolved when both parties are willing to collaborate.
When something is bothering you, remember the commitment you have to your partner and why it is worth being with them, despite the disagreements. She may require effort, but being close and connected to her is a habit to take care of.