For many people, the issue of fidelity can be quite complicated since they feel that it is very difficult for them to be one and maintain a stable partner for a long period of time. However, it must be taken into account that fidelity is a choice and if we choose it because we really want it since it has to do with our personal values and objectives, carrying it out will not really turn out to be a sacrifice but quite the opposite. Another option that we have and we can also choose without any problem because it is our right, is not to be one, however we also have to assume that our partner is not one with us either.
There are also couples who choose to have this where instead of being made up of 2 members it is made up of 3 or more. The ideal is that each person agrees and feels fulfilled with the decision they choose regarding how they want their love life to be. So if you’re wondering, Why can’t I be faithful? You are probably actually trying to act against your true will or have other types of reasons that you have had as an obstacle. This is why at Psychology-Online we are going to let you know what are the main reasons why this happens to you.
The most common reasons why you are not faithful
- Being faithful is a decision. The first thing you should be clear about is that, as we saw at the beginning of this article, being faithful is a decision. We are not obliged to be so unless we commit ourselves in that way to a person, but in that case we would do it out of pleasure and not out of obligation. You are probably not entirely convinced that you want to be faithful to a partner and you are forcing yourself to pretend to be.
- Reflect on the relationship you want to have. Be honest with yourself and realize if you really want to have a relationship with that person or what type of relationship you would like to have. Another thing that can also happen is that you don’t really want to be in one, however due to other factors that may be influencing you such as society, your group of friends, the ideas and beliefs that have always been instilled in you, etc. is forcing you to choose to maintain a conventional relationship.
- Reflect on your relationship. If you are having a hard time being faithful to your partner, it may be that something is wrong in the relationship and you may not be aware of it. Does this happen to you with all your partners or only with your current partner? Do you enjoy having a relationship with your partner? How do you both get along? How much are you physically attracted to him? These among many other questions may arise when you begin to do a deeper analysis about your current relationship and even previous ones.
In the event that you have already been unfaithful, in this other article we give you some keys so that you can.
Tips to learn to be faithful to your partner
Next, after you have considered the previous questions, I will mention some tips that you can begin to carry out if you intend to be faithful in your relationship and you are already sure that what you want is to continue with it.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes
Every time you are thinking about being unfaithful to your partner and you are about to carry out some behavior accordingly, such as calling another person you like, approaching a person you found attractive, increasing closeness with Some person with whom you have to have regular contact, such as a co-worker, etc. put a stop and first get going think about how you would feel You if your partner did the same to you.
Imagine the scene as if your partner were really doing the same thing to you right now and everything you would be feeling. Also think about the consequences that this would bring to your relationship and what would happen if your partner found out about it, how they would feel.
Willpower
Keep in mind that if you decided to have a monogamous relationship You are doing it because it is actually what you want since you are finally doing it for yourself and for the love you have for that person. The more time passes and the relationship becomes stronger and closer, the degree of commitment to that person will also increase.
Maybe at first you will use a lot of willpower to be able to achieve it, but as time goes by, if the relationship becomes stronger and more mature, you will not need it to be faithful to the person you love, you will simply be faithful without further ado.
Psychological therapy
If you really want to be faithful to your partner but you feel that it is impossible for you, the best thing you can do to help yourself is to go to psychological therapy since it is probably some other related problem that is preventing you from achieving it. For example, it may be that you suffer from and although you really want to have a more formal and lasting relationship with someone, your own defense mechanism is preventing you from achieving it and you choose to be unfaithful.
This means that you want to love someone but you are so afraid of being hurt that you prefer to hurt that person first before they do it to you. This is one of the problems you may be having, there may be many more and this will depend on your individual situation. The psychologist will help you define your problem since I have to solve them. This way, you can increase your emotional well-being and have the relationship you want with that special person.
Avoid some situations
There are situations or people that, if it is difficult for you to be faithful, you can avoid to do not fall into temptation. What types of situations or people? For example, if you know that a person who attracts your attention is going to be in a certain place and you can decide whether to go or not, it is better to choose not to go or if you do, make sure that he or she is not going to be there or you are not going to having to engage in a more personal conversation with her. If a person you like or with whom you had a previous relationship is looking for you to meet up with you, it is better that you do not accept the invitation because if both of you want to, it can be easy for you to end up being unfaithful to your partner.
Another example could be that if at school or at work you have to deal a lot with a person who catches your attention, such as your colleague or your boss, try to keep the conversation topics always focused on work issues and do not enter personal area since you can cause the relationship to become closer.
The fact is that if you know that doing a certain action can lead you to increase closeness with another person, especially if it already caught your attention before, try to put a stop to it since you run the risk of ending up falling into your own trap and doing what you are avoiding doing, which is being unfaithful. This does not mean that you walk through life with caution about everything you do, it simply means that if you are aware that it is difficult for you to be faithful, you intend to be faithful and you believe that there are situations or people with which the temptation is very strong, it will be better. that you avoid them, although the goal is that later, with the passage of time and as your relationship becomes stronger and more mature, it will not be difficult for you to avoid them.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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