Article published by Steven Hayes in his newsletter for clinical psychologists. You can register.
There are few events as traumatic as war.
As a soldier, you are constantly faced with the odds of death or serious injury, while being ordered to inflict those same odds on enemy soldiers. As a refugee, you have to leave life as you knew it, along with most of your belongings and often even your loved ones. And if you make it out alive, you’re likely to get psychological wounds that will affect you for the rest of your life. The depth of the suffering of those involved is difficult to comprehend. Even when you are sitting in the comfort of your home, thousands of miles away from any conflict, war can still leave an unpleasant mark.
When you wake up, you can check the latest news. How many people died last night? How many buildings were destroyed? All these images of pain, destruction and suffering, sent straight to your phone. You can’t feed yourself all this information and expect it to not affect you.
The other day, I saw a video of a boy who almost died, speaking from a bed in a basement, saying “I’m cold” through bloody bandages. That image stayed with me like a nightmare.
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Crises like these can take a huge psychological toll, whether you are in the war zone or watching the events from afar. And when the stress gets too much, your body will notice.
Your chest begins to feel heavy, your stomach begins to contract, and your breathing becomes short and shallow. He feels restless, gets irritated easily and may feel like crying, even if the tears do not come. The ways we process crises like these are multiple. However, we are not helpless, because psychological science has long investigated what we can do when our world falls apart. And after decades of study, we have finally found answers.
When a storm hits the land, some trees fall easily, while others remain standing. They may look indistinguishable from the outside, but when you look underneath, you can see the difference. Those trees that are still standing have put down roots far and wide, and they bend slightly in the wind. And this is what made them tough: a combination of strength and flexibility. Similarly, when an emotional storm hits, you can stand firm by extending your roots and grounding yourself, while still being moved by the pain.
This is how you can do it:
Step #1: Notice the storm
The first step is to notice the storm. Concerns about the future may arise. Regrets for the past. Difficult feelings such as sadness, anger, frustration or despair. Everything appears completely, and it can knock you down. The first step is to realize that these things are happening, here and now. You may even recognize to yourself, “Ah, there’s a storm.”
Step #2: Connect with your inner self
The second step is to connect with your interior. What thoughts are appearing? What feelings? Where can I notice these feelings? And what else can I feel in my body? Slow down and explore what may appear within you. Think of yourself as a curious scientist who simply wants to take note of whatever is there, without judging it.
Step #3: Connect with your outside
The third step is to connect with your outside. Name five things you can see. Name three things you can hear. Now what can you smell? And what can you taste? Notice where you are and what you are doing. You can even touch a nearby surface or any object within your reach. Notice what it feels like. Realize that you are here right now and that there is a world in front of you.
When you ground yourself in this way, in a strong but flexible way, you manage stress much more effectively. Instead of letting the storm take you in, you reconnect with yourself and your surroundings, allowing you to engage with the world in any way you choose.
Grounding does not make the storm go away. What it does do, however, is keep you stable and flexible until the storm passes. And if the storm catches you 1000 times, you ground yourself and feel the storm 1000 times. It is not resistance; It’s not a fight. It is being with what is happening without feeling overwhelmed.
And does this help, even in times of war? If it does.
Don’t believe me, believe the world’s leading public health entity: the World Health Organization (WHO). After extensive controlled research into how people can maintain psychological health even in the midst of war and other crises, the WHO has published an ACT self-help protocol to help anyone experiencing a crisis, of any kind. It talks more in depth about the technique behind this article, and much more. .