First dates always give us countless emotions. We are very nervous and anxious for everything to turn out perfect and as a result, when it comes to organizing ourselves, our mind goes blank or we become extremely insecure when it comes to deciding. We don’t know where to go, what to talk about, if it is right or wrong to do certain things and we are invaded by internal questioning.
At Psychology-Online, we know that in those moments we would love to have a guideline of ideas that helps us think clearly and say well to feel safe. That is why in this article we will talk about what to do on the first date to conquer: plans, conversation topics and advice.
Where to go on the first date: options and places
The first thing to decide is where we are going to meet and that will depend in part on the interest that the other person generates in you. Probably, if you are meeting someone through an app and you just want to clear up the doubt, the most common thing is to meet in a cafe or a bar, but when we talk about a person you are interested in, you will undoubtedly want to make a difference.
First, it is important to be clear that the first date is to get to know each other and therefore we recommend that you find a place where you can have a moment of connection and conversation. If you are only doing one activity and there is no space to chat, connect and get to know each other, a first approach will not be generated and if the physical and chemical attraction is not very intense, the date will hardly be repeated. Whatever your situation, for the first meeting we propose these ideas:
A different plan
It’s out of the ordinary. If you are meeting someone through an application, you have to take into consideration that that person does not know anything about you and has never seen you other than by photo and that he is meeting other people. So if you invite him to a cafe or bar it will be another invitation, so I advise you to go to a place that is out of the ordinary. If it is a person you already know and you want to impress them, all the more reason I advise you to try something different and unusual.
Have that coffee in a park, buy a coffee to go and drink it while you are getting to know the city, look for a picturesque and different place. Any small change will generate a connection, there is already something different between you and the rest of their outlets, and that will make you special in their eyes. Furthermore, every time we break the routine, we approach things in a different way. Going to a new and different place will be an experience that both will remember and that will color that memory with a positive feeling that will also encourage openness to enjoy, relax and laugh during the date. Some examples of different plans are:
- Picnic or coffee in the park.
- Explore the city together.
- Attend a guided tour Throughout the city, there will always be new corners to discover or one of the two will be the guide and show the other their favorite corners.
Play with the senses
The initial attraction comes from the sight. But the greater the amount of sensory stimuli we have, the more attracted we will feel to the other person. Look pretty, put on perfume and look for places that stimulate the senses: sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. The more novelty, the better the association that will be etched in your mind of that memory. Some atypical ideas that stimulate the senses:
Ask their preferences
Be innovative, but cautious at the same time. You are getting to know the other person and the idea is that both of you feel comfortable. Before proposing any idea, and prior to the date, ask and do a small test of the other person’s interests and base your decision considering the interests of both.
fun ideas
Live a moment full of laughter that will stimulate the brain, making the experience pleasant and relaxing for both of you. Some fun ideas for a first date:
- a monologue.
- Comedy in cinema.
- Theme park.
A first date in which you can share common interests is a very good idea to break the ice and generate an immediate connection. They are shared experiences that will facilitate the topic of subsequent conversation and will make the conversation flow and you can get to know each other based on your interests. If you are both super active people, passionate about cooking or fascinated by art, you can find an ideal plan to share. I leave you some ideas of places to go on a first date based on your interests:
- Go to a sporting event.
- Play a sport together.
- Go to a cooking class together.
- Go to an art fair, museum exhibition, photography, etc..
- Bike ride.
- Take an excursion together.
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What to talk about on the first date
Another point that worries us when having a first date and overwhelms us greatly is being able to generate a good conversation, which makes the other person interested in us, have a good time and then want to repeat the date. . We all want to generate a special connection and an interesting, fluid and stimulating conversation. But how can we make that happen? What do we need to achieve it?
First, it is important to clarify that being a “good conversationalist” is a skill that can be exercised and worked on. There are people very capable of seducing anyone, since they achieve a connection and good conversation with anyone. What do we have to take into account to achieve that?
Topics to talk about on the first date
Let’s look at conversation topics for the first date:
- Our passions and hobbies. Talking about what moves us, what we like, what we are passionate about and what makes us vibrate in life generates an impressive initial opening. It relaxes us and makes us feel at ease immediately. In addition, it is extremely attractive to see someone else talk about what they are passionate about and you can find many points in common with the other person here.
- How we met. Initially, talking about how we met is opening up an easy conversation for both of us and can help things start to flow more easily. Talk about what the experience was like, what we felt, believed or thought. Our past fears and insecurities can even be exposed, to talk about what is difficult for us to talk about from the beginning, generating a rapprochement with the other that opens the channel of trust immediately.
- Short and long term goals. Asking the other what they want in life, how they imagine themselves in a few more years, who they would like to be and what they would like to have, gives us a lot of information about the other. It brings us closer. It helps us to know him deeply and to know what situation he is in and what he expects from life, from us at that moment and from a possible future relationship.
- What we like about each other. At the end of the date, it is always good to reinforce the good. Show the other what we liked about him, what we liked that he did for us, the new thing we discovered that amazed us. This reinforces the other, makes them feel comfortable and safe and helps us generate more connection. In addition to also showing him the path of what we like, in case the date happens again and he wants to seduce us, he already knows how.
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Attitudes during the conversation
Some important tips. What do we have to take into account during the first date?
- Listen more than talk. Something very important when it comes to having a good conversation is to try to listen to the other person and not just hear them to respond. Give him a space to be who he is, free and without prejudices and so that we can truly know him. In addition to providing us with a lot of information, it helps the other person relax and feel very comfortable around us.
- Use a sense of humor. Generate a relaxed atmosphere where we laugh freely, at funny things, at ourselves, at what is happening around us. Laughter increases dopamine in our brain, relaxes us and makes us happier, it is undoubtedly a good tool to use on our first date.
- Look the other in the eyes when you speak, show him that you are attentive to him-her and what he says. We want him to know that you are interested in listening to him.
- A fluid conversation. When I talk about a fluid conversation I mean that the conversation is taking place and we are going through different topics of conversation. One of those conversations that we know where they begin but not where they end. Because they catch us and lead us to open and discover things that we didn’t even expect to know. To generate this, listen to the other person, pay attention to what they say and avoid monopolizing the conversation or questioning them.
Questions to ask on the first date
What questions can we ask to connect on the first date?
- What are you most passionate about in life? What are your hobbies? What could you do without getting paid for it? When was the last time you couldn’t sleep because you were so excited and excited about something? What was that something? What topics could you spend all day talking about?
- What is the most important thing that has happened to you in your life? What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you? What are you proud of so far? What do you think you need to achieve to feel satisfied with yourself?
- What is the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you lately?
- What was it that caught your attention about me and why did you want to stay? What was the worst thing that happened to you on a date, and the best? What would be your ideal date, what should it have and what should it not?
- What do you appreciate most about your best friend? What would your friends say about you?
- What are your short and long term plans? What would you like to achieve in life? What do you need from that? How do you imagine yourself in 5 more years?
It is not necessary to ask all the questions. The idea is that you do the one that interests you the most and with which you feel most comfortable and the conversation will flow on its own. If that doesn’t happen, here are several questions to get out of trouble and continue getting to know the other person. Here you can see.
Tips for your first date
An extremely common doubt is to what extent we should go when dating someone for the first time and what is recommended and the truth is that this issue is very subjective and depends on many, many factors.
Is having sex on the first date or kissing on the first date okay? In my opinion, one should always do what their heart tells them and listen to themselves at all times. There are times when we connect with someone in an impressive way and we don’t do things because we think we shouldn’t, that it’s too soon, that it’s a bad strategy, etc., and then we regret it. Other times, we follow what we believe the other wants or should do and it turns out to be a tremendous saboteur that freezes things and puts obstacles in our way that sometimes prevent us from moving forward and letting things flow freely.
How long is it recommended to wait to kiss or sleep with someone? This depends on many factors:
- What do we want. Do we want to see what happens, do we want a fleeting encounter, do we want a relationship, do we want to get to know each other before deciding what we want? Before deciding anything, it is important to ask ourselves what we want, so…