Do you find it difficult to listen to the advice of others even if you are on the edge of the precipice? In general, we have all heard someone who is tight-lipped say phrases like “you don’t have to give me lessons”, “I’ve been doing it for years and I already know how it works” or “it’s always been done this way”, among others. It is evident that this type of people, who acquire the characteristic trait of being stubborn, are not willing to listen to anything that is told to them. Stubbornness is an attitude and refers to stubbornness for not listening to the advice of others and insisting on error.
Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article we want to address the topic by seeing together what are stubborn people like.
What are stubborn people like?
Stubbornness is a form of closing off from the world that generally arises when the person no longer trusts their surroundings and no longer believes in the possibility that things could go differently. In these cases, the stubborn person only trusts themselves, but not in a positive way. Therefore, he can only advance along certain paths, and the more some new option is excluded, the more these paths diminish.
In short, the stubborn person is stubborn, excessively obstinate and sometimes it is difficult for him to accept what he really needs. At the same time, these types of people have a lack of mental and character flexibility and can be unreasonable. For this reason, they tend to persist in their decisions without taking into account the advice and opinions of others.
In fact, rarely does the truly stubborn person manage to be kind and understanding or a good communicator surrounded by people who can live their lives by their own rules. Anyone who lives with a stubborn person knows this well, since those people who adopt behavior so disinclined to flexibility for themselves will also adopt it for others.
Why are there stubborn people?
Are we born or do we become stubborn? For this characteristic, as for any other, a predisposition is needed. Therefore, despite having little flexibility or archaic thoughts, not all people develop a stubborn attitude. Stubbornness is clearly a “countervalue” based on a fundamentally pessimistic idea of existence. In turn, often used as a form of self-defensebut it can also be a way to avoid trusting oneself.
Unfortunately, the more you grow, the more stubborn you become, mainly for two main reasons:
- We are likely to feel proud of our past experience and therefore feel that we do not need teachers or advice.
- With age, in general, one becomes less receptive and more conservative.
For this reason, if someone is stubborn, it will be difficult for them to improve their character and they will not want to adapt to what coexistence at work or in the family requires. The stubborn person usually acts on his or her own, and the more involved he or she is in something, the more he or she will shut down and refuse to listen.
How to deal with stubborn people
Trying to convince a stubborn person to do what you want is not an easy task and can be very frustrating and exhausting, even if it is a friend or your mother. However, if you understand that stubborn people are only afraid of and facing novelty, you can make them feel more comfortable and convince them to try to see things from a different perspective.
Here are some tips when dealing with stubborn people:
- Start with a compliment: When talking to stubborn people, try to make them feel good with some kind of initial flattery, making sure you are sincere and don’t seem like you’re a pushover to achieve your goal.
- Show him that you take his opinion into account: Another thing you should do when sleeping with a stubborn person is to take their position into account and show them that they had a great idea or that what they say has positive elements. This way, the other person will understand that you consider them and their ideas and will be more willing to listen to you.
- Don’t say he’s stubborn: The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that they are stubborn.
- Don’t tell him he’s wrong: Never say phrases like “you don’t see it well” or “you don’t get the point, do you?” or other such emphatic and negative expressions, since this way you will only get people to completely close down.
- Demonstrate how the decision will bring benefits: If you want to try to reduce his ego and make him believe that your decision is valid, you must first demonstrate how that idea can bring benefits.
- Provides detailed information: The more information you give about your idea or project, the calmer you will feel.
- Make him believe that the idea, in part, is also his: Making him believe that you really inspired the idea during the conversation or that you introduced an important point related to why it is a very brilliant idea will help him feel and have the feeling that he convinced you not to do what you wanted.
- Be determined: The reason stubborn people often get their way is because the people around them often give up and let them do what they want.
- Show him why he is important to you: If the stubborn person cares about you, he or she will be convinced by simply hearing the reason why what you want would mean a lot to you.
- Remind him that it’s your turn: It’s time for you to be uncompromising, show the full picture and let it be known that it’s time for you to get what you want.
- Negotiate or reach an agreement: Compromising or negotiating with the other person can help you convince them to do what you want without giving in completely.
- Keep calm: If you really want to deal with a stubborn person and have the opportunity to do what you want, you can’t let your emotions get the best of you.
- Find common ground: Finding common ground with the other person can help them see things from your perspective.
- Makes it easy to shift slowly: If you want to persuade someone close to you to experience something different, you should get them used to the idea little by little until they feel completely comfortable in that situation.
- Choose your own battles: If the person is really stubborn, they are unlikely to give in to your demands very often. Therefore, if you have a hard time convincing the person to do what you want, you should only ask for what really interests you.
- Break the pattern of giving up all the time: The next time you hire something, even something as simple as a movie to watch, say you’ll go alone or go home if it’s not done the way you want.
- Don’t beg and don’t look desperate: There is no point in humiliating yourself by begging and whining and not only will it not work with a really stubborn person, but it will also be a bit humiliating for you.
- Be patient: It takes time to really convince a stubborn person, especially if you are trying to break a stubborn pattern of behavior.
- Maintain your self-confidence: If you have doubts or doubts about your ideas, the other person will respect you less and will even be less willing to listen to you.
- Be aware of when to give up: If you can’t get any positive results, you could only make things worse and it’s better to leave the situation if you know it won’t lead anywhere.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Aleteia (2022). Il problema di essere testardi. Retrieved from: https://it.aleteia.org/2019/03/20/problema-di-essere-testardi/
- Pacini, A. (2022). Illuminated determination: perchè the testardaggine is not convenient. Retrieved from: https://annarosapacini.com/podcast42/