The wound of abandonment is one caused by real or perceived abandonment by a child during childhood. These wounds are usually caused by the relationship between the parents, or main caregivers, and the child, or due to some specific event. The wound of abandonment gives rise to the acquisition of defense mechanisms or masks to cope with everyday life, despite the unpleasant life experience suffered. The consequences of using these masks are not very favorable for full development, so addressing this problem will be a pending task for people affected by this emotional wound.
In the next Psychology-Online article we will talk about what is the wound of abandonment, what is its mask and how to heal it. Discover how it originates, what defense and behavioral mechanisms it creates in people and how to overcome it.
What is the wound of abandonment
The wound of abandonment is a term used in the field of psychology and therapy to describe a painful emotional experience and profound feeling that results from feeling abandoned or rejected by a significant figure in a person’s life. This figure can be a parent, caregiver, partner, or even a close friend.
The wound of abandonment not only refers to physical abandonmentsuch as the physical absence of a loved one, but also the emotional abandonment, where one may feel left out, ignored or not valued emotionally. The wound may originate in childhood due to experiences of neglect, emotional abuse or traumatic separations, but can also arise in adulthood as a result of breakups, loss of a loved one or experiences of social rejection.
What is the mask of the wound of abandonment?
The mask that gives rise to the so-called “wound of abandonment” is one that protects the person who has suffered real or subjective abandonmentthat is, when the same individual perceives himself abandoned without there being an objective and real abandonment.
Faced with the deep pain caused by the feeling of having been abandoned, the person in question clings to a series of mechanisms or masks whose main function is to keep yourself safe from possible future abandonments. This emotional protection is created to avoid, as far as possible, reliving the pain suffered after the experience of abandonment.
How the wound of abandonment occurs
The origin of the wound of abandonment is usually childhood experiences. Either due to actual parental neglect or due to subjective experiences lived in childhood, like the birth of a sibling or the start of daycare, the feeling of abandonment is imprinted inside the person. Through these experiences, the person feels that he stops receiving what he needs emotionally for his correct psychological and emotional development.
This feeling of not being cared for It is interpreted internally and unconsciously as abandonment by their parents. To experience the feeling of abandonment, the experiences must occur several times and/or be of high intensity.
Depending on the severity of the subjective experience, more or less strong defense and survival mechanisms are activated. That is, the negative consequences on emotional psychological development will be greater or lesser depending on what you have experienced. For example, real experiences and those in which parents are not aware of the pain experienced by their child and, therefore, do not correct the situation, are the ones that have the worst psychological consequences for the person.
How a person with an abandonment wound acts
People affected by the wound of abandonment usually behave in two very different ways, although deep down there is the same fear of being abandoned again. Therefore, people with abandonment wounds use similar defense mechanisms. We see them below:
Emotional dependence
people who, faced with the pain suffered by the wound of abandonment, become emotionally dependent on other people and they do everything possible not to be alone, since this generates great anxiety by reminding them of the experience of abandonment. They direct all their forces to do everything possible to be accompanied at all times. These types of people end up being, deep down, hyper-vigilant and controlling and unconsciously manipulating the people around them.
In the event that they suffer a possible experience of abandonment, or simply a significant person makes a small distance, they may arise in them. panic reactions and emotional blockage, or excessive anger and resentment towards the person in question. If it happens to you, in this article you will see.
Difficulties establishing healthy interpersonal relationships
There are people with the wound of abandonment who have resigned themselves to not deserving attention and take refuge in an invisible bubble that protects them from the world. In this case, They prefer not to be taken into account and abandoned. They tend to be lonely, distrustful, fearful people and, for all this, have great difficulties establishing healthy interpersonal relationships.
People with this type of abandonment wound usually become self-sufficient, not depending on anyone, and their few relationships with other people are nothing more than practical and superficial relationships. Although deep down in his soul loneliness weighs heavily on them, it becomes his best ally.
When, on occasion, they establish a relationship that is going well, they can become excited about the possibility of finally being able to establish a good relationship with someone. Even so, when this happens, they become dependent, vigilant and controlling so as not to lose the person they have achieved. However, as happens in the , they quickly become disappointed and return to their bubble at the end. focus your attention on the negative and, finally, they cloud the good relationship.
How to heal the wound of abandonment
Like healing any emotional and/or psychological wound, healing the wound of abandonment It is a long process in which it is essential to be patient and stay on the path, despite the battles that may arise. If you want to heal the wound of abandonment, follow these steps:
- Become aware: The most advisable thing to heal the wound of abandonment and its mask is to start a work process of self-knowledge and introspection that allows you to become aware of the existence of said wound inside you. Analyze how the defense mechanisms created are limiting and conditioning the positive development of your life. The therapeutic process is advisable because, in this way, the path is walked in company and redirected appropriately in case of fainting, denial, flight reaction or avoidance.
- Locate the origin: after becoming aware of how the creation of the abandonment wound has negatively conditioned your life, it will be necessary to address the primary situations that gave rise to the origin of said wound. This stage is hard, since it means coming face to face with the painful situation of abandonment.
- Do a cognitive restructuring process: after locating the origins of the wound, work will begin to replace the irrational beliefs accepted internally, such as my parents did not love me because I am not worth it, no one will ever love me, I am not worth anything, with new, positive and more real ideas. about oneself based on one’s own capabilities, vital achievements and inner desires.
- Practice relaxation and self-care techniques: they provide a new vision that will erase the negative image based on the old wound of abandonment. With this, the wound will disappear.
It is advisable to seek the support of a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or therapist, to work on the process of healing the wound of abandonment. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore past experiences, process painful emotions, and develop healthy strategies to build strong self-esteem and more satisfying loving relationships.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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