Have you heard about the midlife crisis and don’t know what it is? We usually hear about crises starting at certain ages, like 40 or 50, but we don’t usually stop to think about what they are until we are close to them.
In recent years, people have begun to talk about the crisis of 30. Do you want to know what it is, why it happens and how to deal with it? In this Psychology-Online article we will try to clarify some doubts and try to provide some efficient tool to know how to manage this stage.
Why do we go through the 30-year crisis?
Are you close to turning 30 or have you already turned 30 and are you worried about going through the midlife crisis? In reality, although it has this definition it does not mean that when we reach the age of 30 we will have to experience a crisis.
First of all, we have to understand what we mean when we use the term crisisthe definition that we can find in the real academy of the language is: “profound change with important consequences in a process or situation, or in the way in which they are appreciated”.
This means that a crisis is mainly a change. There are people who manage or accept changes better than others; depending on our innate or acquired abilities, we will know how to manage the changes we have to face throughout life better or worse.
Currently, the generations that are close to 30 years old, whether we have already turned 30 or are close to them, live in a situation of constant uncertainty, both economic, social, spiritual and of values. This leads us to be constantly rethinking our lifestyle, goals or objectives that we want to achieve.
To all this, we have to add the pressure with which we have grown up, in general, since we were children we were “given” everything that our parents had been deprived of, education, economic stability, false security of a “correct” path to follow. . We have been pushed to have to “be” what they could not, overtraining ourselves with degrees and studies, which in many cases are of no use since we do not have experience, both professional and decisive in the face of work reality.
We focused on training, because they told us that this was the way to get a stable job, with a stable job we would have enough money to be able to lead an independent life and that in this way we would achieve happiness. But this was not the case, we spent years studying, bachelor’s degrees, master’s degrees and/or doctorates, hopefully we finished our training almost when we turned 30, with hope we entered the world of work, increasingly cruel and ruthless with human emotional capacities, We become simple pieces of soulless companies that use the vitality that we can contribute with the youth we have. They kill our ability to feel and immerse us in cycles of constant stress and anxiety. In addition, the economic part in few cases compensates for the effort, years and expense we have made for our training.
Symptoms of the 30-year crisis
Age is simply a reminder, when we turn 30 and pass the figure we become more aware of the reality of time, we allowed ourselves to stop for a second and take stock of the last ten years, what we expected our life to be like and what it is like. If your journey has been pleasant in the last ten years, if it has compensated for the reality you are experiencing at the moment, if you are happy with your life, you may not feel any conflict or crisis. On the contrary, the following symptoms and signs may be a sign of a crisis:
- You do not feel satisfied
- You feel like you’re missing something
- You feel a void inside you
- You feel anxiety, a desire to escape or even a depressed state
- You do not feel emotional stability or your own happiness
We believe that happiness has a marked path, but the reality is that each person builds their own happiness, according to their needs, concerns or ambitions.
If you are close to 30 years old and you feel restlessness, instability, emptiness or incongruity in your life, do not worry, as the word crisis defines, it is time for a change. Changes are always scary because it involves letting go of what is known for something that is still a stranger. But remember that a crisis means opportunity to build something new and more similar to who you are, remember that there is no crisis if you live according to who you are. In the following article you will find more information about .
Beginning a path of inner and personal knowledge will help you accept this change and give you tools to build a new trajectory that allows you to grow according to your individual needs. Emotional health professionals such as psychologists and therapists are experts in these types of situations; therapy accompanies changes and provides personal tools. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to use any professional service that can provide you with clarity and support in your own change process.
Midlife crisis in married women and men
When we go through this crisis and our situation is within a marriage, this may be one of the main focuses that we use as an “excuse”that is, if I am married or in a relationship, I may cling to the idea that I have stopped living or have “missed out” on experiences by being committed to someone.
This idea is wrong in a certain sense, the Sharing your life with another person does not mean failing to satisfy your needs, feeling fulfilled and satisfied with your life.. It may be that you do not feel “free” and you need to blame someone, but it is important that if you feel that you are going through a crisis not to look for any external culprit, taking responsibility for our internal needs is essential to be able to favorably resolve the change we are experiencing.
Midlife crisis in single women and men
In the same way, the opposite can happen, single people can focus their lack or need on the fact of not having someone to share their life with, projecting the emptiness they feel with the idea of a partner. If you have ever thought or commented “If I had a partner I would feel better or be happier”you are projecting your emptiness outwards, this is a very common attitude in people, it is difficult for us to take responsibility for the feelings that harm us, but it is necessary to acquire this responsibility to grow emotionally and live in harmony with who we are.
Whatever your situation, remember that it is no one’s fault, not even yours. Crises are necessary to grow and allow us to get to know ourselves, leaving behind the behaviors, beliefs and attitudes that no longer provide us with anything, to make room for new tools.
How to overcome the crisis of 30: 5 steps
In order to overcome a crisis, regardless of age, it is essential to become aware of several aspects of our life:
1. Ask yourself questions
First, take some time to think about whether you are really going through a crisis. You can write down the following questions in a notebook:
- Do I feel satisfied?
- Is this kind of life what I want?
- What don’t I like about my life at this specific moment?
I recommend that when answering you do not focus on what you lack or would like, but rather on the here and now.
2. Reflect
Secondly, in response to the previous questions, reflect on:
- What can I change?
- What do I want to change?
- What do I want to heal or cleanse?
Ask yourself these questions in various areas of your life, professional, family, emotional, etc. If your responses are apathetic or with the view that you do not have the “power” to change anything, you may need help from a professional to regain confidence in yourself and carry out a process of empowerment in your own life.
3. Set goals
After you have taken some time to think about and answer the questions above, make two lists
- Goals and objectives to build in your life. It is good that you connect with deep objectives that nourish inner parts of you. Set realistic times to be able to meet the goals or objectives you set for yourself, do not try to solve everything quickly and efficiently, internal changes require time and delicacy.
- Things to take out of your life. Whether relationships, attitudes, etc. that you don’t want them to continue in your life.
4. Work on your confidence in yourself
Trusting who we are is essential to being able to grow towards the healthiest direction for oneself, remember that you have the necessary wisdom to grow towards where you need and feel stable. Learning to trust yourself will help you in the process, try not to believe everything you think and listen more how you feel. In the following article we explain.
5. Explain your process and ask for support
This process is very healthy to share with your environment, friends, family or people who are important or references in your life. Asking for support does not mean asking for advice, most of the advice we receive has implications and fears of the people who give it. When we go through internal changes they usually arouse fear in the people around us, it is simply the fear of the unknown. Be true to what you feel and move towards yourself learning to share from who you are.
Here you can see more information about him. Remember that going through a crisis is much easier with professional support, go to a psychologist if you need help or guidance.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Fromm, E. (2004). The fear to the freedom. Barcelona: Paidós.
- Fernández, O. (1999). Life Crisis. Buenos Aires: New Vision Editions.
- De Rivera, L. (2012). Emotional crises. Stress, trauma and resilience. Madrid: Psychotherapy Institute of Madrid.