It is possible that when we hear the name of the hedgehog’s dilemma it reminds us of a children’s story, but nothing could be further from the truth. However, there is one thing that is true about that thought: it is that, as with stories, we can learn a lot from hedgehogs. In fact, Schopenhauer was the first to raise this dilemma from the figure of this animal equipped with thorns to reflect on the difficulty of living with others and maintaining the appropriate distance in relationships with people so as not to hurt others. others.
In this Psychology-Online article we explain in depth what is the hedgehog dilemma in psychologywith some examples.
What is the hedgehog’s dilemma according to Schopenhauer?
The Hedgehog’s Dilemma states that The closer two humans get, the more likely they are to hurt each other.. This is based on the idea that hedgehogs have quills on their backs, so if they get close to each other, their quills will end up hurting both of them. In fact, in reality, hedgehogs are solitary animals and are not usually found in packs. In analogy with relationships between two people, if they began to care and trust each other, any unpleasant situation that happened to either party would also hurt the other and misunderstandings could cause even bigger problems.
Schopenhauer, philosopher of pessimism, posed the hedgehog’s dilemma from the following metaphor:
On a cold winter night, two hedgehogs hugged each other for warmth, but realized they were pricking each other with quills. They separated, but as they did so they felt cold again. Again and again, the two hedgehogs tried to find the right distance that would allow them to exchange a little heat without stinging each other too much.
Schopenhauer, considered one of the greatest thinkers of the 19th century and modern times, first introduced the concept in Parerga and paralipomena (1851), a work in which questions are raised about the comfort derived from such as, for example, to what extent we can be together without interfering and bothering each other, how much heat we need or what is necessary to do to live without harming each other.
Examples of the hedgehog dilemma
Have you ever met someone with whom you initially thought you had a lovely relationship, but yet one of your own reactions or one of their subsequent actions triggered deep disappointment? This fact could be a clear example of the hedgehog’s dilemma. Another example could be living relationships in a symbiotic way in which interest in the other person could completely override their needs and individuality.
All this happens simply because in our daily lives we find ourselves oscillating between two fundamental needs: have ties with others and at the same time, keep own uniqueness.
How to overcome the hedgehog dilemma
Later, Schopenhauer tried to find out what the correct distance to maintain in a relationship should be through the famous example of the hedgehog. According to Schopenhauer, if the hedgehog had sufficient internal heat, it would not need to approach others and would avoid society, as well as cause or experience psychological consequences derived from social interaction. The same applies to human beings, since, like the hedgehog, they feel the need to find the appropriate distance to avoid hurting others or being hurt by the “thorns” that represent the limits and character peculiarities of the individual.
For Schopenhauer, therefore, it is our imperfections that push us towards the other, that is, we are pushed towards what is different from us and that we think can complete us. For this reason, to overcome the hedgehog’s dilemma it is essential find the balance between belonging and separationtwo aspects that characterize our life.
How to find the balance between belonging and separation
From birth we experience different things. Firstly, belonging to our family and subsequently those derived from other relational contexts, such as school, work, friendship, love. At the same time, we also experience the separation of those same contexts of belonging. For example, when we start school we separate from our mother, when we go to live alone or with our partner we separate from the family, when a relationship or a job is interrupted we separate from our partner or the work environment, among others. cases.
In all these situations we must find the right balance. Here’s how:
- Be sure of yourself: Knowing and feeling comfortable with yourself is the secret to being able to get closer to others and love them. Only in this way can we run the risk of being found and being close to another person.
- Set your own boundaries: we must be clear about who we are beyond the other person. Building our own sense of identity will allow us to define our internal boundaries so that others can approach us without crossing them and suffocating who we are, what we feel and how we make our decisions.
Characters and works influenced by the hedgehog’s dilemma
The concept of the hedgehog’s dilemma became part of the realm of psychology when it was rediscovered and adopted by Sigmund Freud in his work Psychology of the masses and analysis of the self. Freud claimed that his trip to the United States in 1919 was because he wanted to find some wild hedgehogs to teach something.
The dilemma also received empirical attention in contemporary psychology. Thus, Jon Maner and his colleagues Nathan DeWall, Roy Baumeister and Mark Schaller referred to Schopenhauer’s hedgehog dilemma when interpreting the results of some experiments examining how people reacted to ostracism and other forms of exclusion. . Their results showed that the experience of rejection in chronically anxious people can make them relatively anxious. In contrast, in people with a more optimistic disposition, the experience of rejection will lead to intensified efforts to reach out to others.
Next, we show you other characters and works influenced by the hedgehog’s dilemma:
- Hedgehog’s Dilemma is the name of an electronic/experimental musical project started by Timothy Hester in StocktonCalifornia.
- The besieged fortress of Qian Zhongshu: A character in this novel talks explicitly about the dilemma.
- Neon Genesis Evangelion: In this anime, Ritsuko explains the hedgehog’s dilemma to Misato in reference to Shinji, the young protagonist. Likewise, the music that plays in the background in this scene is titled Hedgehog’s Dilemma, composed by Shirō Sagisu.
- The Hedgehog Dilemma is the title of the EP hip hop artist Alex Frecon’s debut.
- Hedgehog’s Dilemma is also the title of an EP by Ioannis Galbos, better known as Maxis.
- Hedgehog’s Dilemma is the name of a song divided into two parts from the group’s album Terraforming. The Postman Syndrome.
- Stephen Wack He titled one of his poems Porcupine’s Dilemma. In it she examines the attempt to integrate distance into love and relationships.
- The Thomas Crown Affair: In this film the protagonist compares his relationship with a woman to a “porcupine mating” during a session with his psychoanalyst.
- The Italian band Subsonic used the hedgehog’s dilemma as the theme of the song Istrice.
- Finally, The Hedgehog Song appears frequently in stories Discworld by Terry Pratchet.
Image: Still from Neon Genesis Evangelion
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Antonelli, F. (1990). Psychology of the copy and the family. Rome: Edizioni Mediterranee.
- Ciarpaglini, E. (2021).The right distance in relationships: Schopenhauer and the porcospino dilemma. Retrieved from: http://www.lachiavedisophia.com/blog/schopenhauer-dilemma-porcospino-relazioni/
- Corcione, M. (2022). Love at the time of the algorithm. Rome: Gruppo Albatros Il Filo.
- Ribaldone, A. (2021). Il dilemma del porcospino: myth or reality? Retrieved from: https://www.studio-psyche.it/disturbi/dilemma-del-porcospino