There are different types of attachment that people develop during childhood. These affective pillars have a decisive influence on our behavior, personality and relational behavior throughout our lives. In another article we describe the concept of attachment and review the .
In this new installment we are going to specifically take care of the so-called avoidant attachment. We will define its main characteristics in childhood and the effects it can have on the person’s later life, as well as the way to solve it in therapy.
What are the characteristics of avoidant attachment?
In a relationship of avoidant attachment The caregiver barely takes care of the child’s emotional needs. Maybe you do it with your basic physical needs for food, hygiene and other care, but avoid the relationship on an emotional levelsince you do not know how to manage it, it creates insecurity or anxiety.
It may also happen that the child’s emotional expression leads to ridicule or the lack of protection from the adult as a response.
Consequently, the child learns that the best way to communicate to be accepted is emotional disconnection. Thus, they stop expressing themselves emotionally to avoid rejection and begin to practice more emotionally distant behaviors.
They are children who show false security and self-sufficiency, although in reality they consider themselves undervalued and experience the situation with stress.
What effects does this type of attachment have in adult life?
Emotional disconnection extends into adulthood. The person has grown up with a serious difficulty identifying and expressing your own emotionsas well as to understand those of others, since in his childhood he has not had the necessary training in this aspect.
It is characteristic that the person tends to deny their vulnerability and appear self-sufficient, but only because they are disconnected from their emotional world. This is a false security born of lack of recognition of emotions. Thus, you can throw yourself into situations without knowing what you really want, what your fears or your needs are.
They also do not know how to express fears or sadness and their hidden suffering can lead to different phobias, depression, etc.
People who have developed an avoidant type of attachment usually have a good self-concept and a High self-steem (this differentiates them from the anxious ambivalents) derived from their autonomy. However, they tend to have a negative perception of others.
In the intimate and couple relationships This is where the biggest problems tend to be found, since these people do not know how to manage their emotions at that level, it is not easy for them to regulate their emotions. On the other hand, they do not usually encounter so many obstacles in their working lives, to the extent that they can prioritize the rational over the emotional.
What are the goals of therapy with people with avoidant attachment?
Therapy should help these people to go discovering your own emotions at the pace that is bearable. Learn to manage your emotions so you can use them in your relationships and to benefit your own life.
These are people who usually have little confidence in therapy and the therapist. Therefore, little by little they must be able to let themselves be cared for, recognize their vulnerability, since that excessive independence that serves as their armor actually hides a need for affection that the person is incapable of suing.
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