Indifference is a visible feeling within the social context and that each of us, often involuntarily, applies towards many people or situations, often foreign to us and from our small world and circle of knowledge. However, if assertiveness consists of the ability to say what one thinks without resorting to violence or aggressiveness, how can a disinterested person express his or her point of view?
At first glance, it might seem like an intrinsically contradictory concept, but it is indifference itself that becomes the instrument to avoid conflicts and the risk of being manipulated by others. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article we will explain What is assertive indifference and how to apply it.
What is assertive indifference
Indifference is a neutral feeling or affective state that is often associated with an absence of emotions and emotional coldness. The indifferent person apparently shows disinterest in others, relationships, and surrounding realities, without worrying about the consequences and suffering of others. Likewise, the indifferent person is detached and continues on his own path, without taking into account the demands of others and observing everything without involvement or attention.
Assertive indifference is, therefore, behavior that appears disinterested only in appearance and is the result of evaluating the pros and cons of the ongoing interaction, simulated to hide the emotional response to a given stimulus or event. In this way, the person who does it does not externally show any of his feelings to the interlocutor who, consequently, only perceives indifference, the typical state of mind of someone who feels no inclination or inclination.
At the same time, it is a Defense mechanism which is activated when a person feels threatened or potentially manipulated by the interlocutor to protect themselves and maintain detachment.
How to apply assertive indifference in conflict situations
Assertive indifference originates from the premise of the existence of a “power game” within the relationship. That is, one individual tries to prevail in some way over the other by carrying out or conflicting.
Has a friend or colleague ever irritated you with their jokes and ironic comments? By applying assertive indifference and showing a certain number of times that we do not give space to their jokes or sarcasm we can deactivate this behavior. Another example could be when we have constant differences with someone that generate discomfort. In these cases in which we may come to think that we cannot do anything to fix it and that dialogue is impossible, the best option would be to apply assertive indifference. This means not giving in to provocations, ignoring offensive comments, and ultimately giving up an authentic connection with that person. When we don’t play their game, sooner or later the person will abandon that type of behavior.
Assertive indifference is, therefore, a tool to handle various conflict situations intelligently, since the best we can do in certain cases is “do nothing”. In highly competitive environments, assertive indifference may even be a matter of survival. However, it is important to stay in touch with our emotions and evaluate how these types of relationships make us feel.
How assertive indifference is applied in relationships
Assertive indifference manifests itself in any area of relationship, even within the life of a couple. In these cases, this feeling can be put into practice in two main circumstances:
1. To test how much influence is exerted on the partner
Both in cases of ongoing relationships and in attempts to get closer to find out if there is hope of getting back together, assertive indifference is used to find out how much influence you have over the other. In this way, “not showing” what one feels puts the couple in a position of power over the other.
If used as an instrument of seduction, indifference aims to destabilize the emotional component of the other person through the creation of a void or lack. No clear answers are given, feelings are not talked about, expectations are not reciprocal and debates are never opened in which active listening can be exercised. In this case, doubt is what keeps the other member of the couple on tenterhooks, creating a mechanism of frustration and insecurity.
2. To quell conflict and avoid escalation
On the other hand, showing indifference can also become the best tool to prevent an argument from getting worse and can escalate to an unpleasant situation. In the following article you will find.
In short, assertive indifference in conflict dynamics does not allow the interlocutor to understand what is happening in the other person’s mind and, by not being able to access their emotional sphere, the manipulator will not be able to identify their weak points. Making use of assertive indifference means being able to choose which battles to fight and evaluate when it is better to remain silent and when it is better to react.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Forniz, S. (2022). How assertive indifference works. Retrieved from: https://salute.robadadonne.it/indifferenza-assertiva-come-funziona/
- Rota, M. (2022). Psychology of indifference. Retrieved from: https://www.crescita-personale.it/articoli/competenze/atteggiamento/psicologia-dell-indifferenza.html