Have you heard of the life script? Do you have the feeling that there are things in your life that always repeat themselves under the same pattern? Does it seem to you that your life is governed according to a predetermined scheme, something like if you were playing a role in a movie?
What is the life script?
The Canadian psychiatrist Eric Berne He proposed the concept of life script to explain certain behavioral patterns that people follow since childhood. These are decisions that permeate the individual unconsciously from the first years of life and that lead him to act in accordance with these certain patterns, as if he were playing a role.
These decisions are made to obtain approval and acceptance, to feel loved by their parents or the most relevant authority figures. They are based on rules, phrases or advice formulated by parents, which children have heard repeatedly and which have had a decisive influence on their emotional development. The development of the life script is formed around the age of 7, approximately.
The literal interpretation of the elders’ phrases that is carried out in childhood is what forms the script. At that moment in life the child cannot rationalize, qualify or relativize them, since his psychic development does not yet allow it. This literality and the need for acceptance lead to the assumption of inflexible patterns of behavior.
However, the life script does not have to determine the person, it can be modified by them over the years.
The life script is one of the bases of the Transactional Analysisa therapy created by Berne himself, focused on personal growth and change.
What are the most common life scripts?
Some of the most common life scripts, based on messages or commands from parents, are the following:
- “Do not fail”: is the classic script of people who have grown up with overly demanding parents. They do not allow themselves to fail nor do they tolerate the failures of others.
- “Do not grow up”: adult people who are infantile, due to a exaggerated overprotection During his childhood. They are immature people, who have a hard time assuming responsibilities.
- “Don’t be a child”: the opposite pole to the previous one. Children who have been overly responsible. It may originate from specific biographies in which the child has had to take on responsibilities inappropriate to his or her level of development (care of the sick, etc.). They have not been able to grow with the joy and curiosity typical of their age.
- “Don’t show weakness”: These are people who as children have not been allowed to be vulnerable and have grown up with their repressed emotions.
- “Don’t belong”: children who heard many times how different they were and who end up being adults with problems establishing deep links for fear of being rejected.
How to modify the life script?
Fortunately, this pre-established script can change, as long as the person is aware of their own desires and their own will. It is a change that requires courage and cannot be assumed overnight, but will occur gradually.
The discovery of those rigid patterns that make up the life script provides an interesting opportunity to generate enriching changes looking to the future.
Through life script therapy we can question it, give up those internal mandates that we no longer need, that benefit us or are not constructive for our personal development.
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