“From my point of view, seduction is an art that can be learned and therefore we are all capable of developing our potential to seduce. The task consists of knowing how to exhibit the best virtues, assume those that we cannot change and expand our unworked capacities”… Explains López Peralta
In this PsicologíaOnline article, we are going to address the topic of art of seduction from psychology.
Basic premises
- We can all seduce and be seduced, although you cannot seduce everyone.
- Seduction has been associated with something deceptive, evil, manipulative
- Loving someone means being seduced by that person.
- Many times it is done unconsciously and involuntarily.
We are going to carry out a exercise to know how you seduce:
- Reflect on how you try to seduce. Think about how you look, how you breathe, how you position your body…
- You can imagine yourself in front of different people from your life from the present, or from the past, or even imagine unknown people
- Explore what you feel, how you feel each gesture you usually make. You can even explore new ones, ones you don’t usually do.
So that
To be aware of our seduction: know what we do and why we do it and then accept ourselves with our expressions or change those that cause us communication problems or have become automatisms
OVIDIO AND HIS LOVE ARTS… IT HASN’T RAINED MUCH SINCE THEN!
- Where to find the beloved woman? (Places to flirt): parties, forums, theaters, circus, gladiator games, triumph, banquets…
- How to get the love of your beloved woman?
Confidence in yourself, good relations with the servant, letters, eloquence (what is more resistant than rock and more inconsistent than water?), sober elegance, banquets and wine…
The classics of seduction: Ovid and Kama Sutra
Kama Sutra
“Prepared” meeting and let her know in advance of your interest Avoid seducing two women at the same time in case they find out Give valuable gifts Sit close to her at social gatherings Do not contradict her
Seduction can be used in many areas, not just to flirt:
- Seduce to provoke interest in others towards us
- Arouse curiosity
- Generate desire to know ourselves in others
- Make others feel comfortable in our company
- They look for us and love us
- Not just for pubs and clubs (although they are a good place: it is normal for a stranger to approach you)
Seduction is not only used to obtain a sexual partner or stable partner
- Also for people who have been in a relationship for years….” “Unconditionality is the funeral of passion.”
- People are never the same… we change over time
- Therefore we do not always “desire” the “same person” we are with.
- You have to seduce day by day. As an attitude
- Discover every day what is new in the other person
What is seduction?
- It is about generating interest and transforming it into desire
How do we do it?
- Getting the person you are attracted to to notice you (in a positive way and with some degree of curiosity)
Install yourself in your imagination permanently, making “your desire to know us and have us close to you grow every moment”
Is about FEED THE DESIRE, GENERATING THE EXPECTATION OF THE POSSIBLE
The physicist in the art of seducing
Is it necessary to be handsome?
- NO
- There are less physically attractive people who flirt more. Sometimes, because people believe they have a good physique, they believe they have everything done, they do not promote other skills and over time they become deficiencies.
- Just look around us and see that people who are not pretty flirt and attract more than those considered very pretty.
- You always have to seduce with many characteristics but keeping in mind that the physique is the first thing you see…, so as they always say, “we will enhance our virtues and hide our defects.”
Basic rules for personal appearance in the art of flirting
“There is only one chance to make a first impression”…, so:
- We will take care of our personal hygiene
- We will have a healthy and awake appearance (hide signs of fatigue, avoid stains on clothes,….)
- Make small or not so small image changes if necessary. The limit is to continue feeling comfortable and yourself…so that these changes give us security and help us to be more spontaneous and natural, not the other way around.
- You can copy small things from people who are successful and flirt…, but always being ourselves and without feeling “disguised or impostors.”
Rejection
What happens if they reject me?
- You have to keep trying, but perhaps the circumstances were neither appropriate nor the person to be seduced was receptive.
- Maybe your skills are not as developed as you think
- You should consider whether you have started with very high goals.
- Maybe you haven’t tried enough
- You will have to practice more… BUT OBSERVING YOUR MISTAKES SO YOU DO NOT REPEAT THEM
- We must discover what is failing in our behavior to take action and increase our attractiveness.
From the evolutionary point of view:
- They look for in women: physical beauty
- They look for resources in men
But this vision is extremely simplistic and we only have to observe our surroundings and our experience to know that this is not fulfilled, and if it is fulfilled it is not precisely to provide lasting and real happiness to those who choose only those qualities to look for a partner.
Anderson (1968) explains that there are some fundamental characteristics that people who are successful in love share, contrary to false urban myths and the legend that “being bad makes others more hooked.”
This author states that people most valued They are: sincere, honest, understanding, loyal, trustworthy. The less valued: liars, false, mean, cruel and dishonest.
Corporal lenguage
- Only with a photo can we know if someone attracts us or not…, but it is the dynamic body that seduces us: it is not the mouth, the eyes… it is the smiles and looks, etc.
- Closely related to the unconscious world
- Codes in different cultures (Micronesia), variations between groups and individuals
- Emotions are expressed: open/closed to communication, receptive/propulsive attitude, activity/passivity, slowness/speed….
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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