Relationships are a fundamental part of people’s lives, but unfortunately, not all of them are healthy and constructive. In this sense, toxic relationships can be a complicated emotional labyrinth where harmful dynamics and destructive patterns can persist and evolve over time, going through a series of phases that have diverse characteristics: idealization, reset, explosion and disillusionment. .
In this Psychology-Online article we will explain in depth the 4 phases of a toxic relationship and we will provide information on how to break this harmful cycle and move forward.
The idealization
The first phase of a toxic relationship can often be a dreamlike period where everything seems to be in harmony. At this stage, the couple immerses themselves in a bubble of enthusiasm and excitement. Every moment together is like a fairy tale and the person you are with is perceived as the “”. In addition, there is an intense attraction and it is possible to think that you have finally found the perfect person.
During this phase, differences and problems are usually minimized or overlooked. Likewise, conflicts are rare and the relationship appears to be free of tension. However, this idealization can be a mirage, since the couple may be giving their best version and hiding their true defects.
The idealization phase can be as addictive as it is dangerous, as people are likely to want to hold on to this feeling of perfection and happiness. However, it is important to understand that this stage is not sustainable in the long term and that sooner or later.
Disappointment
The disillusionment phase marks the beginning of reality in a toxic relationship. After the period of idealization, differences and problems begin to be seen. Arguments and conflicts become more frequent as initial expectations are undermined by reality.
During this phase, people may feel confused and disappointed, as what seemed perfect at the beginning begins to fall apart. Unrealistic expectations may give way to frustration and sadness. In these cases, an internal struggle usually begins between the desire to keep the initial idealization alive and the need to address the problems that have arisen.
The disillusionment phase It is a critical moment in a toxic relationship because it marks the turning point between the initial idealization and the possible escalation of conflicts and tensions. People may feel deep sadness as they watch their relationship drift away from the perfection they once imagined. In the following article we explain to you.
The outbreak
The outburst phase is the critical point in a toxic relationship. At this stage there is great tension, as the dynamics of power and control begin to become more and more frequent. Forms of emotional manipulation, excessive control and in some cases, verbal or physical abuse.
The people involved may feel trapped in this phase due to anxiety and fear of the possible consequences of leaving the relationship. Likewise, communication becomes increasingly tense and arguments can end in explosive fights with screaming, tears and pain. One or both members of the couple may feel helpless, anxious, or even afraid of both the loss of the other person and of not knowing how to get out of the situation.
In the outburst phase, people may feel that their voices and needs are not heard or respected and may even feel controlled. Often, the relationship feels more like a constant struggle than a source of emotional support.
Reboot
After a time of intense arguments and obvious problems that are never resolved, the couple can try to reconcile and find peace in the relationship again. At this stage, the apologies, displays of affection and the promise to change or improve the relationship.
Reconciliation can serve as temporary relief and make us feel that the problems are behind us. The people involved can remember happy times and the reasons why they fell in love in the first place, which can lead to hope that the relationship can recover.
However, it is important to understand that, in a toxic relationship, this period of reconciliation is usually short-lived. In most cases, the real problems are not adequately addressed, leading to a repetitive cycle in which phases of outburst and reconciliation alternate.
How to break the cycle of a toxic relationship
In the initial stages of a relationship we experience an increase in dopamine, a neurotransmitter related to reward and pleasure, creating a feeling of euphoria and happiness. When the relationship becomes toxic, a desire arises to regain that initial feeling of well-being, which can become an emotional addiction. Understanding this dynamic is essential to finding a way out of this situation.
Below, we offer you essential tips to free ourselves from a toxic relationship:
- Recognize the problem: The first step is to recognize that you are in a toxic relationship and that it is unhealthy for you. Accepting that the relationship is harmful for both people is essential to start the process of change.
- Lean on the people who love you: talking to friends, family or a therapist who can offer you emotional support and guidance is essential to heal wounds and evolve towards personal growth and learning. Sharing your experiences can ease the emotional burden, provide support, and give you an objective perspective.
- Set boundaries: Communicate how you feel and set boundaries in the relationship that allow you to consider leaving, especially if you believe that improving the situation is not feasible. Don’t feel pressured to try to change someone who doesn’t show a willingness to change. The priority is your emotional and personal well-being. Here we explain.
- Consider therapy: Individual or couples therapy can be a valuable tool to address unresolved issues and work on the relationship if you are both willing. A therapist will promote the construction of communication strategies so that the relationship can be healthy or will facilitate the transition towards separation for both.
- Prepare to leave the relationship: if the relationship is so damaged that there can be no solution, it is important to prepare to leave it. Although this can be very painful, sometimes it is the only way to regain your emotional well-being. Leaving the relationship will allow you to grow and meet other people in the future who can give you what you need in a partner.
- Take care of yourself: during and after a toxic relationship, it is essential to take care of yourself. To do this, practice self-care, look for activities that bring you happiness, and establish healthy relationships. After a toxic relationship, it is essential to work on your self-esteem and emotional well-being to recover and be able to leave the past behind.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to The 4 phases of a toxic relationshipwe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Sheriff, EP (2022). What are the phases of a toxic relationship. Your psychohelp psychologists. https://tupsicoayuda.com/relaciones-de-pareja-y-sexualidad/fases-relacion-toxica/
- Castro, S. (2020, January 14). How to get out of a toxic relationship. European Institute of Positive Psychology; IEPP. https://www.iepp.es/salir-de-relacion-toxica/
- López, PB (2018). The brain reward system, from learning to addiction. Bulletin of the Royal Academy of Córdoba of Sciences, Fine Letters and Noble Arts, 97(167), 465–478. https://dialnet.unirioja.es/servlet/articulo?codigo=6858550
- Salazar, A., José, A., Castro, DP, Giraldo, LA (2013). Toxic partner relationships – Foreign partner Toxic. psychology.com. 17. 15. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264549862_Relaciones_Toxicas_de_pareja_-_Foreign_partner_Toxic