Human nature makes us be prejudiced. In fact, we almost always make a prejudgment of people we don’t know well and with whom we have interacted very little. However, an evaluative judgment is not necessarily a bad thing, since this action helps us better understand what surrounds us. The detail is that our preconceived ideas, quick judgments and perfection syndrome get in the way of our balanced and neutral judgment.
What’s more, we even judge to protect ourselves from dangers or because we are afraid of others. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article we will tell you how not to judge others. In this way, you will analyze the causes of judgment and see how you can change this bad habit to prevent your critical thoughts or words from harming others.
Become aware
The first step to not judge others is be aware of your actions, ideas and emotions. It’s not about just always being alert all the time. It is rather learning to interpret the world around us so as not to act on impulses and then fall into regret.
But this is easier done than said, since becoming fully aware requires discipline and perseverance to encourage a habit that stays in our mental schemes. In this sense, you can start with small steps. For example, try to stop before speaking or saying anything so you can analyze in detail whether what you are saying is positive or will benefit someone.
Besides, reflect on your daily actions so that you learn to put aside harmful attitudes and ideas towards other people. Remember that what you say you can no longer delete. In other words, reformulate your thoughts so that you replace negative ones with empowering thoughts or, in any case, avoid expectations and just live in the moment.
Look at yourself first before others
“Look in the mirror first, before judging others.” This phrase has been repeated hundreds of times, but very few people truly internalize it. In fact, the norm is that we almost never, if ever, stop at evaluate our own defects to try to improve certain attitudes.
Instead, we use a lot of energy to criticize and see the flaws of those around us. Therefore, it is good that you start a very simple mental exercise, in which you focus on the positive things about people and not on what your prejudices or false expectations only let you see.
Learn to depersonalize
Something very useful to not judge or stop doing it, believe it or not, is that when someone treats us badly or does not agree with our ideas, we do not take it personally. In fact, it may be that that person is going through a bad time and you haven’t even noticed.
Therefore, you must understand that everyone has their own internal struggles, and that doesn’t mean that people are against you. Learn to separate other people’s reactions. Thus, little by little you will stop judging the behaviors of those around you.
Do mindfulness
One of the best techniques to learn not to judge others is to practice. This philosophy based on Buddhism, and which translates as mindfulness, has several essential principles that are of great help to cultivate serenity and avoid prejudice. These principles are the following:
- Focus on the present.
- Learn not to judge.
- Encourage patience.
- Observe and experiment.
- Let go and trust.
There are many exercises based on mindfulness that can help you not judge others. You can also rely on audiovisual material or an expert to guide you in this magnificent ancestral practice.
Accept yourself as you are
Another strategy to not judge others is to understand ourselves as we are. When we are able to appreciate our true qualities and abilities, we will begin to become aware of our virtues. In this way, self-esteem and appreciation are encouraged.
Furthermore, when we are more understanding with ourselves, a reciprocity develops that helps us be more empathetic with the rest. In other words, as long as you are happy, you don’t need to harm anyone.
Not everything is what it seems
One of the most popular and oldest sayings is “appearances can be deceiving.” Actually, this is a great truth because when we judge only by appearances, both good and bad, we fall into a big mistake that can be compromising.
What does it mean not to judge others? It means taking time to evaluate the entire context, without prejudices or advanced positions regarding the situation. Let everything flow to really see the reality of things.
All people are different
How not to judge people? If there is something to understand, it is that, if something characterizes people, it is that each person has your own ideas, beliefs and thoughts, which emerge from the scheme of values that they have acquired throughout their lives. That must be respected!
It is important to stop seeing the world from only one perspective. Remember that what other people do or say has nothing to do with you, but with their own way of being.
We all have something good
One of the best ways to develop the ability to not judge others is to focus on the positive qualities in people. That is, try find the good characteristics of others, and you will see that everyone has something valuable. Also, not everyone is always out to hurt you. Therefore, start valuing, instead of constantly defending yourself.
Apply active listening
When people are very critical, they usually do not pay attention to the point of view of others. This is a very common quality in those who love to judge or draw hasty conclusions, without listening carefully to the other person.
To avoid that, you need to practice. That is, you will not only hear their words, but you will try to “put yourself in their shoes” without making hasty judgments. For that, you can apply these simple recommendations:
- Do not interrupt to whoever speaks to you and listen completely to their message.
- If you have questions, leave them for the end of your story.
- Watch his body language carefully to see if he is sad or expressing another emotion.
Furthermore, it is important that don’t compare yourself with that person, since maybe they are going through a bad time and just need someone to listen to them, that is the true value of not judging: understanding.
Focus on the positive and not on the differences
One of the main ways not to judge others is by recognizing that, despite being different, all people have certain things in common. Sometime, we have all had weaknessesfears or even feelings of failure, and that does not mean that we have less value as human beings.
Therefore, try not to judge attitudes that make you uncomfortable. Rather, reflect on the times you have been through similar situations and think about the way they have made you feel.
Accept reality
If you want to learn not to judge others, acceptance is one of the fundamental steps to overcome critical and prejudiced attitudes. In other words, you must allow each person to be as they are actually to accept it with its failures and successes.
Furthermore, it recognizes that you can’t be in control all the time. Nor do you have the right to change others, just so that they adapt to your way of being. Of course, if he is in your hands, you can guide that person so that he is also understanding. In this way, a healthy coexistence and a strong interrelation is encouraged. It’s all about giving equally.
Open your mind
People who are open to life’s experiences are a magnet to attract interesting people around them. Therefore, learn to open your mind to new ideas and points of view, always trying to accept the position of others and, above all, respecting their way of being.
Take into account that nobody is perfect and that each person is a source to learn new things every day. Take the opportunity. Lastly, remember that by judging others you are not defining them, you are only defining yourself.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
Bibliography
- Cuadrado, I. (2012). The study of prejudice in social psychology. EBook available at: https://books.google.co.ve/books?hl=es&lr=&id=ZxnhDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PR17&dq=prejuicio&ots=kKopv-bm_Z&sig=x8h7wYtw0DXK3Gi0NinqbKFHVNE#v=onepage&q=prejuicio&f=false
- Gonzales, W. (2016). Resilience as genealogy and the faculty of judgment. Philosophical Praxis New series, No. 45. http://www.scielo.org.co/pdf/pafi/n45/2389-9387-pafi-45-00203.pdf/amp/
- Simón, V. (2013). Mindfulness and psychology: present and future. Psychological information, (100), 162-170.