Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention of seizing power, control, benefits and privileges that are desired to be obtained at the expense of the victim (Nielsen , 2017). In our highly competitive and often self-centered society, manipulation is a frequent phenomenon, both for the manipulator and the desired target.
Michaels (2014) mentions that there are five categories of psychological manipulation:
Negative manipulation: It aims to gain superiority by making the victim feel inferior, inadequate, insecure and/or doubtful.
Examples: Persistent and critical negative judgments, public berating, shaming or humiliation, hostile humor, sarcasm, negative surprises, peer pressure, social exclusion, silent treatment, threats to personal safety, and privacy-related blackmail. privacy.
Positive manipulation: It is one used to emotionally bribe the victim to gain favors, sacrifices and/or commitments.
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Examples: Insincere flattery, appealing to vanity and ego, false professional, social or romantic acceptance (but with a catch). False professional or social proximity, offering help, support or rewards, with the expectation of “getting paid” in disproportionate reciprocity. Promising safety and protection after having taken them from the victim (without them realizing it).
Deception and intrigue: Its function is to distort the victim’s perception in order to control it more easily.
Examples: Lying, making excuses, blaming the victim for causing their own victimization, distorting the truth, sending mixed messages to keep the victim off balance, strategically disclosing or withholding privileged information, exaggerating things, extenuating the circumstances, and performing a unilateral bias of the problem.
Strategic impotence: exploits the victim’s good will, his guilty conscience, his sense of duty and obligation or his protective instinct.
Examples: pretend to be someone weak, powerless, helpless or martyr. Using sad stories to gain sympathy, support, or favors. Dramatize the difficulties of obtaining preferential treatment based on guilt.
Hostility and abuse: seeks to dominate and control the victim through explicit aggression.
Examples: Bullying, throwing frantic tantrums, coercion, intimidation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, brainwashing, and oppressive restraints.
Many chronic manipulators eventually pay a high price and suffer personal and/or professional setbacks throughout their lives. Robertson (2015) states that the negative consequences of chronic manipulation may include some of the following:
- Multiple communication and effective relationship problems due to the manipulator’s unwillingness to be frank and responsible.
- Personal and/or professional alienation from others by feeling deceived, disappointed, betrayed, coerced or sabotaged.
- Damage to personal and/or professional reputation due to lack of trust and authenticity.
- Loss of significant personal and/or professional opportunities due to lack of credibility. At worst, performance reviews at work lead to career setbacks and demotion or termination of employment.
- Loss of moral integrity with associated insecurity as well as low self-esteem, knowing that deep down the person is a “fraud.”
- Triggering self-centered tendencies with an inability to form truly healthy relationships.
- Trigger passive-aggressive tendencies, with inability to form truly collaborative relationships.
- Trigger narcissistic tendencies, with inability to form truly loving relationships.
- More distant, tired and stressful relationships in general. Many failures in the manipulator’s various relationships.
- The manipulator may experience physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual distress due to self-consciousness (feeling guilty) and shame.
- The manipulator may feel stress and anxiety from having to constantly “cover” themselves, for fear of being discovered and eventually exposed.
- The manipulator may experience silent but persistent moral crises and ethical conflicts in addition to having difficulty living with himself.
Can a manipulator change for the better? Maybe. But only if he or she is willing to go through a process of self-discovery. For conscious manipulators, there is a unique opportunity to evolve for the better, which means acquiring astute self-awareness, taking worthy actions, practicing thoughtful communication, being able to constructively solve problems, and being able to engage in healthy relationships. and positive.
For those who live or work with handlers, perceptive observation and assertive communication are essential to establishing healthy and equitable relationships.
Bibliographic references
Michaels, T., (2014). How to Successfully Handle Narcissists. Clinical Psychology Review, 4, 657.
Nielsen, P., (2017). A Practical Guide for Manipulators to Change. PNCC.
Robertson, D., (2015). The most effective way to deal with Manipulative People. NYT, Journal.